AND THE DISH RAN AWAY WITH THE SPOON
image courtesy of Google
I still remember the goofy image like it was yesterday… I recall the words fairly well, but the pictures are burned into my memory like a hot poker branded into cowhide. I almost felt bad for the little guy with that blue suit or uniform. That was the sort of thing that would make for a real life nightmare for a little kid at the age I was.
I also remember the panicked look on the little guy’s face. While I appreciated the artist’s rendering, I was glad not to be in the feminine looking shoes of Little Boy Blue. I liked the pictures in that book of nursery rhymes, especially the cow clearing the moon with a proud smile on his face, but my all time favorite was the picture of the dish with the mischievous expression on his face while he was running away with the spoon, that had tears of fear flying off a worried-to-death-look on his face… I liked the dish…
By the time I got to junior high school I thought those childhood memories were dead… turns out they were just hiding. You realize a few things by the time you’re that age. My parents had a small business that kept my dad busy the majority of the time providing for his family, and my mom was on call 24/7 with the phone line… So much for unlimited use of the phone for talking to girls. Oh, I tried but between the business and my siblings vying for their long cord stretched out the side door, it was slim pickins’… or talkins’…
When I heard that song the first time those buried memories resurfaced from the deep… bringing moisture with them… I remembered the nursery rhymes which pressed a melancholy heart and I thought of my dad. He worked like a machine and took much pride in that fact that was visible by his actions.
It was partially the time he couldn’t spend due to work, but more of the dogged determination and perseverance with little to show that I read in his eyes like the rhymes in that book in those years. Cats And The Cradle by Harry Chapin would be burned into my soul even more than the nursery rhymes and I would allow emotion to take over when I’d hear or think about that song.
I’m a workaholic… I come by it honestly. It was how I came to measure and revere a man… It was paramount. I remember how proud my dad was to see that work ethic and my early success in life due to it. I’ve spent most of the last ten or fifteen years trying to be more balanced – to show my family different priorities than the one strength I had that had become my biggest weakness.
Our girls loved Cats In The Cradle too. I made them listen to it with me… I was around enough for that… I’m still seeking God in reining in the gift from Him that I’ve exploited and tend to. That old song came on the satellite music channel we had playing at home a few weeks back and my mind went back to adolescent days of joy and sorrow.
I’m thankful for all that my parents gave me, and the things they didn’t or couldn’t. I consider it proof that there is no perfection on our parts in this fallen world.
As Cats In The Cradle played, and the dish ran away with the spoon, that same proof was reflected in the tears of my youngest…
Sunday, March 17, 2013 @ 5:29 pm
Powerful, Floyd! My dad was a workaholic. He went back to get his degree while holding down a full-time job to support his family. Then he was a full-time teacher + worked another full-time job simultaneously for thirteen years. It nearly killed him, and no doubt contributed to his poor health years later. I loved my father so much, and he truly was supportive. I can see how he thought that working/providing was the best thing that he could do for his family. I don’t blame him, but I regret that he didn’t spend more time w/ me. All I really wanted was to be with him. Later, he had kidney failure and before his transplant, he was a captive audience to me on a dialysis machine. I would NEVER have wished that on him, and yet, God used that time for us to have some really special talks. I would take him back in a second, but he’s been gone nearly six years now. I miss him every, single day. I’m so glad that you have learned this lesson now, while you still have time to be present to your daughters. Oh the songs they will sing of the joy of being with their wonderful dad!
Lynn
Sunday, March 17, 2013 @ 5:58 pm
I’m still old fashioned enough to have a massive amount of respect for your dad and the reasons behind his desire and discipline to provide the best he could for his family. That’s how that generation said, “I love you.” My parents and my family got to spend a fair amount of time together since my childhood and mostly them reaching out to me, their too-busy-son. I learned way more than just work ethic from my dad. The wisdom he tried to share throughout my life is still being pondered and learned from. My dad went to be with the Lord over, will be three years this May. I’m like you. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him… Then of course my mom… It’s a fine line we we walk as parents… May God illuminate that line so that we may honor Him on the side He’s called us to walk. Thanks for sharing that personal story, Lynn. Many of us are carrying living with the same joy and sorrow of this fallen world… I’m looking forward to seeing my dad again… and meeting yours… What a day of rejoicing that will be…
Sunday, March 17, 2013 @ 8:09 pm
Yes, I realize you know that I respected my father a great deal. He was a great provider, and yes, it was his way of saying I love you. You have read my book, and so you know that he finally said it in a letter. I thnk I may have mentioned that letter on your blog before. I cannot tell you how much I treasure it. When did your dad die in May? That’s when Daddy died in 2007. I am glad you have so many treasured memories with yourfather, and that you are taking his life lessons to heart. What a legacy he has left you, and I love how you are passing that along now to your daughters and family and to us, your readers! And yes, what a glorious reunion that will be!
Lynn
Sunday, March 17, 2013 @ 8:12 pm
Oh and I wanted to say, too, that though my father worked two full-time jobs for a long time, he always took us to church, and he went to every musical performance I ever did. I certainly sensed that he was proud of me. Later, when I was an adult and Daddy was retired, we used to sing duets together, whether at church, weddings, and/or funerals …..or events, like his high school reunions. My father had a gorgeous basso-profundo voice, and I can’t tell you what a joy it was to sing with him. I was sooooo proud of him. And yes, I know there will be singing in heaven, and I will be right by Daddy’s side!
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 10:42 am
That is so cool that you got to sing with your dad. What a blessing. I know your dad worked and made all your events and adored the apple of his eye. I can almost see that sparkle in his eye when he looked at or thought about you. What a gift from God to the both of you. I’ll be in the audience clapping at reunion performance!!!
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 10:38 am
I remembered that letter from your dad as I was reading your comment. That letter could be the most treasured paper on earth besides God’s word itself. To be honest, if it weren’t for my dad, I have no idea what would have become of me. I was definitely a prodigal, but it was my dad’s wisdom taught in action of God’s truths that brought me back to the Light. My dad was diagnosed with brain cancer in January, had surgery on the 14th and was gone on May 7th… We were blessed to have my mom and dad stay with us for a good part of that time. I hope to be able to leave the same type of legacy as my dad, although he never faltered like I have. That generation was just stronger I think. Thanks for the kind comments and sharing, Lynn.
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 11:29 am
Oh I’m so sorry abuot the way your father died…..so terribly difficult. I know you covet every moment you spent w/ him, and I’m so glad that he was able to stay with you. My father spent the last five months of his life in a long, slow death in the hospital. I hated what he went through, yet I loved being with him, and there were special moments shared. You are right about this great generation. I wish our own generation would learn from and emulate them. I know you are! Thank you for your ministry, Floyd!
Blessings,
Lynn
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 6:18 pm
Thanks for the kind words and friendship, Lynn. And thank you for your ministry as well. I still tell people about your book every chance I get. Powerful words from a pure heart.
Sunday, March 17, 2013 @ 6:44 pm
Workaholic was what Robert was too. Running a business called for giving estimates, and he always was on the job working too. He did take Steve and Douglas with him as they were older and it gave them experience. He didn’t want Steve to become a roofer so he encouraged him to take up x-ray and then Chiropractic. Bob is not one to hold a conversation unless it is to rant about politics and things that are happening so I doubt if he gave much one on one time to our kids. Anyway they all idolize him, as do I. It is important to be with our children as they grow up, and have serious talks with them. We all did sit in church together, and there was church activities we did as a family. Maybe we didn’t fail too much. I am glad you spent time with your daughter listening to that song Cat in the Cradle. It was a new one to me, and I looked up the lyrics. Thanks for sharing this at “Tell Me a Story.”
At: http://letmetelluastory.blogspot.com/
Sunday, March 17, 2013 @ 7:31 pm
Robert is my kinda guy, Hazel. Your respect for your husband after all these years is refreshing and encouraging. You have so much to teach anyone whose living this life… How I love your wisdom and sharing. It does as much or more than the writing itself. You are a gift from God, sister. God bless and thanks for letting me share this at your growing site, “Tell Me A Story.”
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 6:37 am
I’ve become more of a worker in time, but as a single dad I always remind myself that I need to put my relationship with my daughter before my work. That’s why I blog and write early and late.
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 10:44 am
That’s a good practice, Dan. My youngest is a good writer and I’m actually trying to get her to do a guest post for me. Fourteen is a tough age, but one of these days! I need to be more intent to spend time wisely as you do. Thanks for the reminder, Dan.
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 7:55 am
I can relate. One of my greatest strengths become my weakness as well as I relied on self more than God and at the expense of loved ones. I’m so thankful God has shown me a better way to live, a way that is dependent on HIM. Really free’s me up to enjoy life.
I just finished reading, “Young and Purposeful” by Moyo Mamora and it helped me identify area’s of my life that God wanted to use for HIS glory but I was allowing satan to distort and distract me. I’m going to do a book review on that book soon!
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 10:45 am
That sounds like something I might need to read. No surprise that you and I struggle with similar traits, huh? I can always count on you to be keeping me company! Thanks, TC. I’ll look forward to that review.
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 8:33 am
Another beautiful post, Floyd. Really making me think here. My husband and I are huge Harry Chapin fans–I remember mourning his death–such a gifted songwriter and storyteller. I wonder if he wrote that song out of his own experience with his father? Or whether HE was the Dad in the song?
Yes, I have learned much about the crucial need of a father’s love and attention through my years as a Christian. And from my own experience with “Bill”, my Dad. His generation was all about working hard every day, providing what they could for family. That was their way of saying, “I love you”, through their sacrifice. But they were also taught that their work ethic was what MADE them a father. In that sense, I had a good ‘father’…but he missed out on being a ‘DAD’. There’s a huge difference. Any man can ‘father’ a child–but ‘Daddying’ takes so much more.
I want to pay tribute to my husband here, if I may. This man of mine has done BOTH so well! He works so very hard 6 days a week, yet never hesitates to take time off for the more important stuff of life. Our children are grown, yet to this day, they honour him, respect him, and give thanks for all he’s done for them. Our daughter especially, adores her Dad and chose her husband because he reminds her so of her Dad. What higher tribute could a daughter give to her Dad? He has a heart of gold!
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 10:57 am
I agree on that generation and their priorities. It is a fine line between showing our children self discipline and doing what comes more naturally and easy to us. I know I’ve been guilty of that too many times. I read somewhere that Chapin’s wife helped him write that song, which would lead me to believe that she had some first hand experience.
What a wonderful tribute to your husband! I’m glad you shared that. That’s encouraging to hear and brings resolve for me to continue in the good walk. I can’t think of a better legacy than the one your husband has set for his family. He has my respect and admiration as well. That is so awesome, Jillie. What a blessing from God! Thanks for sharing that.
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 9:38 am
That song always gets me. Every time. Even when I was a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom. None of us are exempt from being distracted, even when the faces are right in front of us.
That face-to-face time is mostly past for me, now that my girls live elsewhere, but the sentiment is still the same–I want to be available for them when they need me and when they don’t. Time matters.
Thanks, Floyd, for reminding us to spend time loving each other, not things.
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 11:03 am
Thanks, Lisa. I guess we can all relate to it because none of have had perfect lives even though great and none of us are perfect parents. I need to remind myself more often than I like to admit… Thanks for sharing and the encouragement, Lisa.
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 10:18 am
I love that we can respect each generation for what they did and gave and then we can take it a little further. We do need the presence of fathers and not just the provision. Other generations did their best and we live in grace to do the same. Grace is a beautiful thing! Thanks Floyd.
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 11:04 am
Well said and brilliant perspective, Jason. Grace allows all things. We need to learn from the past and honor God and our families in the process. Thanks, Jason!
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 11:04 am
There is very few memories of my Dad when he was not drunk…BUT…he always went to work every day till they took his leg off years later. Now when I look back I don’t know how he did it…drunk literally every night and then still go to work. He was known in our small home town as a good plumber. My mother had to work to keep us in food since Dad’s money went elsewhere. Ace and I both came from dysfunctional homes but that did not stop us from wanting something better. Both of us are grateful we learned how to work at an early age. Our children have great memories because we worked hard to build them. It’s the one thing we tell these young couples going out for the first time to the mission field…continues to build great memories with your kids. It’s never the place you live in that builds them, it that parents take part in their life.
By the way I remember that song very well and remember trying to explain to our son that his plate would not run away with his spoon, sometimes it is hard to explain a fairy tale…good post brother…what memories you stirred in us. Blessings.
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 11:11 am
I always ponder how God allows tough times in other people’s lives. It’s like He made people like you stronger knowing what you’d need to do better for your children. It’s fascinating. The world needs all kinds of experiences for others to be able to relate to. Being involved in our children’s lives is key. Although after having coached the first two I’m not sure they’d agree!!!
Your past has certainly given you a kind heart and much wisdom, Betty. Glad you share those gifts here. Kids are to funny, you’ll have to remind your son of that! Thanks, Betty.
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 12:43 pm
My dad was not a workaholic, although I know he worked to keep 4 boys in shoes. 🙂 We were never well off but never hungry or naked or homeless. I supposed some might call me a workaholic, but I call it integrity with my job. I had a wife who held me in check, and two girls who knew I loved them and would do everything possible to be available. I am happy that God allowed me to never miss a game or concert or event they were in. it is worth it to hear “Dad, I love you.” I did not want to be guilty of winning the world and losing my family. You have done well Floyd, especially when one of them has tears in her eyes.
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 6:20 pm
Thanks, Bill. I’m certain I haven’t been up to your level, but I’ve come from a long way back! It is so encouraging to hear how people are running the good race. We’re not perfect, but we’re striving to please our Father and do His will with our family. We are blessed indeed.
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 1:49 pm
I will tell you this..I saw my Dad (Contractor) all his life go out daily and come back home late. In the early years filled with Concrete and in the latter days clean as a whistle because he owned the company. I saw my mom as a School Teacher grade papers at night, on weekends and loved it, and still find the time for us. It wasn’t until my mom passed that we built a relationship with our Dad because of necessity. What this taught me is hard work pays off, but also that time spent is very important especially in the lives of Children. Guess what? We never get those years back again. So glad you brought up this topic, it brought back some great memories.
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 6:25 pm
Good share, Lincoln. I’m looking forward to when we meet, I’d love to hear your take on why you didn’t follow in your dad’s footsteps. How right you are. We never get those years and days back. My wife has been very helpful in trying to keep me in check. I’m a blessed man for sure. Sounds like your life has been a good foundation for wisdom with your own family. Thanks for sharing that… I know you and I have much in common. I might be afraid to find out how much your dad and I have in common…
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 4:52 pm
What a great post Floyd. It brings back many memories of my dad. Being his last born child, I was (still is 🙂 ) the neediest of his brood of nine.
Dad was a typical African old-school dad, remote and tough but filled with great love for his family. He showed us love the way he knew best, not with hugs or affirmations but with diligence, hard work, discipline, provision, fear of God and many other things that made our family stand out tall in our neighborhood.
I think children tend to “catch” some things, without necessarily being “taught”. it’s hard to comprehend it sometimes but when God is in the mix of things, I think He has a way of making all things work out for good in the end. He is our Father and is able to fill out gaps and weaknesses that earthly fathers can’t fill (in their humanity).
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 6:28 pm
I have so much respect for men like your dad, Ngina. Those are the men I look up to and revere… I too want to be spoke of in the way you have honored your dad. I agree also that your dad lived Godly principles and that seems to cover a multitude of human weakness. I so enjoy learning of other people’s lives. It is sharing so personal and brings all of us closer. It is fellowship and our Father in heaven is honored as well. Thanks so much, Ngina.
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 8:07 pm
I’m more touched than I can say that you would share about my book, Floyd. I’m truly indebted. THank you!
Fondly,
Lynn
Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 8:30 pm
Thanks, but your book is truly that good and groundbreaking for the majority of us. I’ve shared with you, but it’s worth repeating; your book changed how I’ll forever do and finish my Bible studies. That’s huge…
Tuesday, March 19, 2013 @ 11:50 am
Floyd, all I can say is that I have tears in my eyes, and I am completely overwhelmed that God would use a message He gave me so long ago to help people like you now, when I thought the message/book had died. I am just so humbled that God would use someone like me (and you have read all about my frailties and foibles), to get His message of hope and healing found via journaling out into the world. I give God such praise and glory that He has given you this gift and you are pouring out your heart to Him on paper. What a legacy of love for Him you will leave for your children!
Gratefully
Lynn
Tuesday, March 19, 2013 @ 4:44 pm
It is remarkable for sure. Isn’t that just like God? Just when we’ve given up on something and our heart is content with His believed will, He uses His sovereignty to do more than is humanly possible in the flesh. I have a feeling that your book is long from completing what our Father has to accomplish with it. I appreciate your humility and heart. Thanks, Lynn.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013 @ 4:17 pm
Early in my fatherhood, I tried so hard to be different from my dad. When Father God really got hold of my heart, my life changed so much that I wanted to be like my Heavenly Father. That was a huge change and my kids reap the benefit of that change.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013 @ 4:49 pm
I know that God allowed you to be taken down a rough road… but He knew that road would lead to a blessed and wise life for your children and that it would lead you to ministry. Talk about sovereignty… I appreciate your heart and message, Jay. It’s refreshing and encouraging. For those who might stumble upon this, you can check out one of my friend Jay’s ministry sites. http://www.strategicfathering.com Thanks, Jay.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013 @ 6:00 am
Thanks Bro’… appreciate that!
Wednesday, March 20, 2013 @ 3:42 pm
It’s my pleasure, Jay. Keep on truckin’ brother!
Tuesday, March 19, 2013 @ 5:56 pm
I’m a workaholic. It makes me nervous about dating and someday having kiddos. I just need to be independently wealthy so I can spend all the time in the world with my future kiddos.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013 @ 6:26 pm
I have to say that the best thing that God ever did for me was put my wife into my life. I was a working with wrong priorities, like a salmon swimming up stream. If your kids never see you work or never pressed, how will they learn to react? I think sometimes the struggles in life not only do more for us, but also our children. Not that I like it mind you, it just seems a little more obvious to me as I get older. I do by the way hope you get to be independently wealthy though! We might actually be able to hook up the next time you’re passing through! Thanks, Jake.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013 @ 10:45 pm
My father was the opposite of a workaholic(Lazy and living off the “system”) and I think one of the reasons why I have a drive and hard work ethic was seeing his waited potential and do not want the same for my life. It has been in my adult life when I have come to realize this:) Great post and thoughts!
Wednesday, March 20, 2013 @ 3:38 pm
I’m always fascinated with the things God places in people’s lives for them to be able to use their free will to make a choice about how they’ll use it in their own lives. Good for you for choosing the right path. God is honored and your family is honored regardless of what you choose to do to provide for your family and yourself. I love your passion and attitude, Dan. We’re are of the same mind… guess that’s why we connected! Thanks for sharing, Dan.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013 @ 4:39 pm
Ha, true:) Like minds usually connect well with each other.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013 @ 5:11 pm
And age doesn’t seem to be an issue to it, which I think is pretty cool!
Wednesday, March 20, 2013 @ 5:39 pm
I agree, I feel more lucky because you wiser than I am:)
Wednesday, March 20, 2013 @ 5:54 pm
That’s nice, Dan, but I’m not sure that’s the case in all scenarios. And I can tell you without a doubt that you, my friend, are light years beyond where I was at your age with wisdom. You really are special. God has big plans for you, Dan. I hope I can be even a small help in some way. What a blessing that would be!
Wednesday, March 20, 2013 @ 10:07 pm
Thanks you:) Your too kind:)
Friday, March 22, 2013 @ 11:22 am
I think we both come from a time where work ethic reined supreme. That is one good thing my father instilled in me. My parents divorced when I was 11, which at the time I was happy about, as my dad was a very hard man. But I have come to appreciate some of the things he thought me although not necessarily the way he taught them. I have found myself struggling with not having spent enough quality time with my children as they were growing up. My wife home schooled them as I took every and any job I could get to make ends meet. It did damage some of my relationship with them as I’m not quite as close to them as my wife is; to my sadness. I’m glad to say that I am making inroads into rectifying that problem though.
Friday, March 22, 2013 @ 5:09 pm
Good for you, Mike. We have much in common for sure, one of which is we fight to the end. I was a bit harsh with my family. It’s hard to gentle coming from a hardened past. I think it’s common for kids to be closer to their moms. It takes a while for them to figure out the love showed to them by the protection and provision. It’s kinda thankless since they have nothing to compare it to until they have to face it themselves. I know one day your kids are going to realize what a great example you set for them and that is worth more than anything we could ever buy them. Well done and well doing. I’ll use your comment as my reminder. Thanks, Mike.
Saturday, March 23, 2013 @ 7:41 am
Funny thing – I was just reflecting on workaholism this afternoon. I don’t think it’s just work that is the culprit. Men often love hobbies more. Women may love their kids more. There are tons of things we put in the way of where our true priorities should be. Balance is something that requires work.
Saturday, March 23, 2013 @ 12:28 pm
Well stated, Loren. I agree. And I also agree that it takes discipline to be able to change habits and weaknesses. Balance is a struggle for me. Always has been. Thanks, man.
Monday, March 25, 2013 @ 7:19 am
nice post
Wednesday, March 27, 2013 @ 7:08 pm
Interesting how we deal with things. I absolutely hated that song, for all the same reasons you and yours didn’t. It always broke my heart. I still can not even stand to hear it begin, b/c of the way the kids are left alone too much, and then the dad’s heart does turn to his son, and the son’s heart has turned from his dad… which indicates that, generationally, it will happen again. A crier to me. BUT glad you liked it and was able to use it to touch hearts in a different way than it hit mine.
Blessings.
Thursday, March 28, 2013 @ 9:43 am
My wife and youngest are leaning in your direction about that song. I tried to use the song to help me be a little different. The generation before said, “I love you” by working hard and providing. We certainly have more than they did due to their love in action. We or I, just need a little more balance. Well said and good point, Joanne.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013 @ 11:33 am
Finding The Balance is always the key. With work, with anything. Unless God gets in and reveals things that need to be changed, people often have a hard time doing what is right – in any endeavor. Men tend to equate hard work and provision with love. It reminds me of the guy who sits down to eat dinner, gulps it down and belches. His wife asks, “Did you like it”….”I ate it didn’t I”, he said. There is a lot to be desired in that type of communication. People have to be told and shown. Time spent paying direct attention in invaluable. I also feel the cry of the Cats in the Cradle song with my own bio father. He was always striving to “be somebody”. In the striving, he forgot us kids.
On the other hand, as a single mom for several years, I did what I had to do to take care of the family. I was their only support. I was homeschooling them and working. The type of work I retained helped me to be more available. It wasn’t easy. I never was able to go on vacation or do anything relaxing for myself. Those were years of giving I do not regret, however. God restores all the years that the locust has eaten and the canker worm has destroyed. That’s my confession and I’m sticking to it. BTW…so nice of you to acknowledge your wife and God using her in your life…
Tuesday, May 7, 2013 @ 6:18 pm
Thanks so much for sharing those personal experiences and profound wisdom, Nancy. I’m on the same page with you on all counts. No regrets… And I couldn’t tell my life story without sharing how God used my wife to wake up a fool from his daze… I appreciate the sharing from the heart, Nancy. It does so much for anyone whose seeking God’s truths for their lives.