THE PERFECT SERVE
My friend Keith relates a good conversation to a tennis match, a respectable volley, the ball of conversation moving artfully back and forth. His analogy brought back childhood memories of a tennis match, a pretend one… kind of like many of our conversations that we engage in daily; fake and take…
The director stood in front of the metal bleachers barking orders to the extras on the set. I remember thinking his job would have been a whole lot easier if he’d have had a lick-uh-sense. No wonder he never got to be famous… He coached the extras that beat me to the punch and would get to be in the movie. It was a bush league type of movie made for TV back in the seventies, but I wanted to be in it… regardless the amount of cheesy.
The director was standing on the tennis court coaching the cast to shift their eyes and noggins left to right on his command. It was ugly. I wondered why he didn’t just have a couple of people play catch with a real tennis ball? Then again, I was just a late movie extra wanna be, not a big shot Hollywood director.
Karen Valentine waved kindly, Tom Jones did some slight bow, rolling his hand in front of himself in a circular motion. Despite my age, I immediately sensed the Hollywood Squares bound Valentine was nice. Mr. Jones, well, he was too full of himself to have room for anybody else in his world.
The Podunk small town people living along the Colorado River couldn’t even shift their eyes and heads in unison… much less sing “Delilah” like Mr. Jones who never really parlayed his singing success into an acting career. The left to right head and eye shifting was to be used later in editing as the people watching the tennis match in the future movie flop.
Many of us carry on our conversations like that fake volley. As Keith would say, our words are part of the act and some folks are just looking for automatic ball machines, someone to be the device that sends over the net the perfect serve. I think we’re all guilty from time to time, but there are people, and no shortage of them calling themselves Christian, that live their lives treating others as if they were ball machines; only there to serve them.
These are the same people who can share with you their great wisdom of everybody else’s shortcomings, finely disguised as if they gave a hoot about anybody but themselves.
It’s not a bad thing to be a ball machine for others, after all, we all need one every now and then, but I’m referring to the ones who love to share and converse… as long as it’s their opinion being heard and the volley of words are for their benefit. These are the type of folks that wear the compassionate… and tear the church.
I recently ended a relationship with someone like that. It was like pretending to be involved in a good conversation volley, it was fake. The person was like the director and I was the over used ball machine… severely in need of maintenance from the Tom Jones persona.
At some point, we just gotta empty out our tennis shoes… and find a more evenly matched partner who can return a volley… with a backspin of wisdom.
Dan Black
Saturday, July 6, 2013 @ 7:55 pm
I’ve found the people around us greatly impact our life and future. It’s important to have relationships where each person is serving and adding value to the other person. When only one person is doing all the work in a relationship for a significant amount of time it only damages or ruins it. I’ve had to end a few different relationship in my life where the other person had a different mindset or attitude about life. Great post!
Floyd
Sunday, July 7, 2013 @ 7:48 am
Thanks, Dan. It takes some time and wisdom and a pattern that really has to be double checked over years I think in order for us to not pull the plug on someone in a time of need. The needs that can’t be satisfied are the ones that are already overflowing with pride. I need to keep watch so that I don’t become the Tom Jones kinda guy. It does definitely ruin a relationship. Good call.
Rick Dawson
Saturday, July 6, 2013 @ 9:55 pm
Conversation? Ah, yes, the delightful interchange between two people, not one person looking for a mirror. I’ve been talking with my writer friend Mary up here every week now face to face once a week for hours at a stretch, and one of Warren’s helpers who was here and overheard us was (a) amazed at the rapid fire back and forth flow of words and ideas, and (b) that one of the participants was a guy. So much for the idea that we don’t know how to talk.
One day, my friend, we’ll need to do this π
Floyd
Sunday, July 7, 2013 @ 7:51 am
What a delight to share ideas about things we share a passion of. Giving with no ulterior motive of gaining is key. One day we will do this, I’m certain. And if the phone conversation is any indication it could take us a while! Thanks, Rick.
bill (cycleguy)
Sunday, July 7, 2013 @ 2:31 pm
Proverbs consistently talks about wisdom and getting it from others. That can really only happen when the people involved are honest and open. Both sides. It is frustrating being the side that seeks openness and the other side desires anonymity or correctness (theirs).
Floyd
Sunday, July 7, 2013 @ 3:31 pm
I can only imagine the frustration walking in those shoes of yours, Bill. Of course you’ve been gifted in ways to deal with it better than yours truly… God sure knows what He’s doing, aye? Thanks, BIll.
Hazel Moon
Sunday, July 7, 2013 @ 5:35 pm
I like that idea of volley back and forth and not a one sided conversation. Most people are interested in letting you know what is happening in their life. Like Tom Jones, full of themselves. I think about that when I write my books, because they are all about me and my family and stories about life and sometimes death.
Conversation is not a book and as long as it is not politics, I can relate. Reading the posts of other bloggers, is sort of a conversation in a way. At least you get a glimpse into their lives. Perhaps not a full photo shoot, because most do not allow you to see that much, but enough to know they are real people and not putting on airs.
Thanks for allowing this post to be seen again at Tell Me a Story.β
Thank you for being the first person to order my new book, Rescue the Stories Book Two. It is on its way and I hope you enjoy the trip.
Floyd
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 7:39 am
I’m honored to be the first one to order your book, Hazel! You know I love a good story with a moral lesson and I agree that reading and learning along with interacting is like a conversation. I appreciate all that you give… I’d say we have a pretty good volley. Thanks, Hazel. And thanks for letting me be a part of your Tell Me a Story site!
Jillie
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 5:13 am
Hey Floyd…My first thought is, “Gee, wouldn’t Mr. Tom Jones be ‘honoured’ to know you wrote about him?!?” Thanks for confirming my suspicions about the guy!
Have to say, I so enjoy the serving of conversation here; that you always comment in return to your readers. Every one of them. That’s a rarity in this blogosphere.
As usual, your story today reminds me of someone I know. Someone very dear to me. But when we ‘converse’, (and I use the term loosely), it’s not really a conversation–it’s more like a monologue. It does not seem to matter how many share her table–one other, or two or three–she is always the centre of attention. She makes sure of that. It is one of the hardest, most maddening things to me. Not that I have a lot of wisdom to contribute–it’s just that I’m always left wondering if she really cares about the lives of others, or not. It sure doesn’t seem like it. She also believes herself to be a Christian, yet we never seem to get around to spiritual things. It’s all about here and now, and her fascinating life. I’ve considered many times slowing up on our visits, but, believe it or not, God has used her to teach me more things than I care to admit. She is the prime ‘lesson illustration’ in my life. Weird, huh?
Floyd
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 7:50 am
I met someone again like that just this last weekend. This person has some of the same tendencies as me and it was a lesson for me to be on guard for that type of unflattering mannerisms. So it’s not weird at all. I also find you to be a person of abundant wisdom! The fact that you don’t have to be “right” with that person I think proves that and your maturity.
When I first started this endeavor I didn’t respond to everybody, in fact almost nobody, but that’s not how life works is it? It doesn’t work that way for me. Truly the best part of life, learning, and wisdom, is interaction. And I cherish ours. Your honesty and perspective always gives me things to contemplate. I’d say “a good volley…” Thanks, Jillie.
Jillie
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 8:42 am
Well Floyd, I honestly don’t know how “wise” I am, but I nearly lost this friend TWICE a couple of summers ago, and I realized how much I love her, and that my life would never be the same without her. So…I try to do the godly thing…and love her for just who she is. Yackiness and all. I know there are hidden reasons why she demands so much attention. I also know she would give her right arm if I needed it. How can I give up on someone like that, eh?
Thank you for your kind words…and for always “volleying” back!
Floyd
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 9:52 am
I should be able to relate to others with serious insecurities as well… I’m certain I have some more maturing to do. It’s a wise and mature perspective, as I said. At least that’s my observation… Always room for improvement, thanks for the reminder, Jillie. And likewise on the nice volleys, you make them effortless to return…
Jillie
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 9:58 am
Aw…Shucks.
Floyd
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 12:05 pm
Are you blinking your eyes innocently?
Dan Erickson
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 5:41 am
I love the tennis metaphor for conversation. I’ve known a few of the type that you’re talking about. Sometimes it seems like there are more of them than there used to be. They aren’t fun to play with.
Floyd
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 7:52 am
“They aren’t fun to play with!” I love how you break things down so easily and perfectly, Dan! Yeah, it’s a chore to be around those type of people, but as Jillie said, they’re good for “lesson illustrations” in life… which means I probably need them! Thanks, Dan.
Dan Erickson
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 12:09 pm
I agree that we probably need them. It takes all kinds.
Floyd
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 12:35 pm
Painful but true…
Lisa notes
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 7:59 am
“At some point we just gotta empty out our tennis shoesβ¦ and find a more evenly matched partner who can return a volleyβ¦ with a backspin of wisdom.”
Ooh, nice analogy there, Floyd. I’m having lunch with a friend like that tomorrow. I’m looking forward to her wisdom and the back and forth sharing we’ll do. These kinds of folks in our lives are real treasures.
Floyd
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 8:02 am
That’s a perfect way to describe them, Lisa; treasures. May we all strive to be treasures in the lives of others. I’ve a hunch that’s how your friend would describe you as well, Lisa. Thanks for the volleys!
Michael Holmes
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 9:57 am
SO true! We definitely need to walk away from people who take more than they give. Then the warning becomes: how do we NOT become like them? Could it be we don’t like them because we’re so much like them?
It’s something God has been working in on me. I like this post because it puts a mirror in front and cause me to examine myself π
Floyd
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 12:16 pm
You’re a wise man indeed, Mike. I admit that I have that tendency and have spent decades trying to be the person that God created for me to be. When it came time to walk away, I knew by that person’s actions where they were in their life, I’ve been there. Though frustrated, I was kind and held my tongue and words while that person belittled and name called in not so subtle a way. You know a person is lacking maturity when they get upset because they can’t control you and make you do and say what it is they want you to. Like you said, I know what that looks like because I’ve been in the reflection far too often… I just don’t want to go there again. There is no honoring our Father in that scenario. Great call. Thanks, Mike.
Jay Cookingham
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 10:50 am
Way to raise a “racket” my brother! As a former tennis player, the best part any match was the volleys, it made the game interesting and fun. I once played an expert and he aced me almost every serve and the ones he didn’t, I barely returned. It wasn’t the fact that I was getting beat that bothered me.. it just wasn’t fun and all one sided.
Let’s pray that our conversations with hurting/lost people allow for long “volleys” and exchanges.
Floyd
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 12:08 pm
Wow. Great way to call that “Game!” That’s exactly spot on, Jay. It’s far from fun. And a good reminder that we need to be patient, I still lack in that department significantly. Thanks for the reminder Jay.
Deb
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 10:58 am
I just found your site, through comments on Bernard Haynes site. I’ve already bookmarked it. What a great analogy. I had an unbalanced relationship end in betrayal. So much heartache that could have been avoided had I acted on this tennis/coaching truth. I learned so much through that experience, and now look for a good volley in every relationship. Sometimes one gives more than the other, but balance is key. I look forward to coming back often.
Floyd
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 12:20 pm
Words of wisdom, Deb. We do keep learning and becoming wiser. That’s a good thing. So often there are so many that don’t, they go round and round doing the same things expecting different results. Good for you, Deb. And thanks for stopping over, Deb. I too appreciate Bernard’s wisdom and encouragement. I’ll see you soon.
David
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 12:13 pm
One of the sad things is how in our current culture the “all about me” attitude is almost celebrated to some degree. We exacerbate these tendencies as culturally we encourage the “taking care of number one” and “me first” ideals (actually those probably aren’t IDEALS). The prettiest faces, thickest wallets, most athletic prowess, etc. are all put up on pedestals and then, when we don’t see those things in the mirror, we want to talk ourselves up and make it about “me” so we feel better about ourselves because we don’t resemble any of the stuff that popular culture holds near and dear.
After re-reading your post I think the line judge just called an “out” on this volley. I got called away for a bit while I was in the middle of my comment. So I feel like I lost the point – actually more likely forgot – the point(s) I was trying to make. Figured I send it out anyway. Maybe someone out there can figure out what I was trying to say … please enlighten me if you can. π
Floyd
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 12:38 pm
I like the comment, David! Our insecurities seem to take us faster and faster on the merry go round of self that it’s difficult to focus on anyone but ourselves and tough to stop with all the momentum. I don’t know if it’s enlightened, but I liked where you were going… It may have been an “Ave!” Thanks, David. Glad you sent it.
Nancy
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 12:31 pm
Lots of good points in this piece…In my life, I have found that I seem to attract people who want conversazione and friendship, but are very hard-pressed to participate. If I happen to be on the receiving end of a phone call from one of these, I ‘m faced with lots of silence on the other end…..
“Ring-ring….Hello, I answer!” On the other end…”Oh hi, its me”
Me, “Hey, it’s nice to hear your voice”…On the other end…. s i l e n c e
Me ” Soooo, what’s going on? How are you doing?”
Them, “Oh not much” ….then, no more forthcoming conversation.
I find myself making conversation and filling in the dead space. I’ve become good it it, but its not what I really desire. I’ve love to have an actual exchange with a friend. Never happens….It’s always up to me to MAKE the conversation. Lots of work – especially if they have caught me at an inconvenience time. (Sigh) Would love to volley! Thanks for provoking me to thought.
Floyd
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 12:40 pm
I’m sorry to hear that, Nancy. I know that you’re a giving person and I’ve been on the receiving end of it. I do enjoy our volleys. Hope all is well with you and Randy. Get ready for service! Thanks, Nancy.
tcavey
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 2:13 pm
Love your last sentence.
I recently advised two different friends on something similar to this. Some relationships you just have to cut because they aren’t good for you. Some relationships you have to keep at arms length. And some you keep pouring into because it’s simply what God wants you to do.
Trusting Him to guide us is key.
Great post!
Floyd
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 7:18 pm
Very wise and well summed up observation, TC. There really are all types of relationships, but the ones that begin to dishonor God for whatever reasons need to be severed. This was that type. And I might be the one that people like to keep at arms length! I appreciate the pouring of you and your wisdom over here, TC. Truly I do. Thanks.
tcavey
Tuesday, July 9, 2013 @ 7:01 pm
Thank you for allowing me to comment. It’s a privilege to call you friend.
Not sure how wise I am, but I’ll take the compliment.
As for the arms length thing…well, I’m right there with ya π
Floyd
Tuesday, July 9, 2013 @ 7:19 pm
Thanks for the kind words, I agree, I’m privileged as well and I’d say your wisdom is far beyond that of a fool… (pun intended) Well… at least we’d enjoy our company!
Ngina Otiende
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 3:40 pm
Great post Floyd, packed with wisdom as always. I am reading and thinking on the many times I’ve been self-absorbed, interested in others when am being served but not quite as involved when it’s my turn to serve. π
Floyd
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 7:21 pm
Well don’t get too comfortable in that seat! You’re gonna have to slide over and make room for the rest of us who have been found guilty of that same offense! We’re all found lacking at one time or another… but we’re getting better! The Holy Spirit prods us to look inside and at our actions and motivations… the first step up. Thanks, Ngina.
Kristin
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 5:21 pm
RATS! I just typed out a long response and it disappeared!
Let’s just say, (since it’s late and I’m really tired:) that this was a great post, as usual. I’ve been blessed with great people in my life who volley back and forth well and I’ve had one who did not, but with prayer, she has turned out to be a great gift. I couldn’t empty my shoes of that one as she was my neighbor.
Ok, this sleepy self is off. Do I get credit for coming back and trying again? π
OH, and thank you for your comment at my place.
Floyd
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 7:26 pm
I hate when that happens! So yes, you get big points for not tossing in the towel! I appreciate your heart and your ministry that speaks volumes. I freely admit that you’re in a different league, Kristin. But I’m getting better. I also know when it’s about to get really ugly and damage to our Cause is the goal of the enemy. Sometimes that’s a hard thing to do. That being said, I know we all struggle with something. Thanks for hanging in there, Kristin. Sleep well…
Barb Raveling
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 8:27 pm
“Some live their lives treating others as if they were ball machines; only there to serve them.” That’s pretty descriptive, Floyd. I have to say it’s my tendency to want to be served – God has used blogging and writing to break me out of it, among other things. I’m thankful for that. The funny thing is that when we try to fill ourselves up with other people – trying to get them to meet our needs – we never get enough to be satisfied. God is the only One who can fill me up, and He calls me to be a servant – and then He provides me with so many “opportunities.” Sometimes I can picture Him chuckling. π
Floyd
Tuesday, July 9, 2013 @ 6:47 am
I genuinely appreciate how your mind works, Barb! I think a good number of us, if we’re completely honest, would admit to the same things. I also agree that reaching out to others helps for the way many of us are wired, it’s a needed fellowship and it’s greatly appreciated. I’ve thought often of our Father smiling, but chuckling huh? Okay, I’m in! Thanks, Barb.
Phil
Tuesday, July 9, 2013 @ 10:58 am
Floyd, you’ve done it again. You’ve made me stop and think about how I can improve myself with a great analogy. Good stuff my friend!
Floyd
Tuesday, July 9, 2013 @ 6:17 pm
Thanks, Phil. There’s room for improvement in all us, brother! The mental mirror isn’t always a pretty sight for me!
Mia
Tuesday, July 9, 2013 @ 3:53 pm
Dear Floyd
What a great analogy! Yes, we all know people who, and were at times guilty ourselves, who spew words like a tennisball machine! With the Fm/ CFS I am very often “blessed” with great exhaustion, Fibrofog and pain all together. At such times I cannot hold a conversation, but I can listen to another sharing their hearts. At times I need to ask them to repeat their words, but that is just minors. I wonder how often we realize that we have been created with two ears and one mouth! Oh, that we would learn the blessedness of listening to a hurting heart.
Blessings XX
Mia
Floyd
Tuesday, July 9, 2013 @ 6:20 pm
That’s a great reminder as well, Mia. The two ears can do twice the work and are designed to! It takes some time before we realize that seeking to understand a person is not only a great gift, it’s also a sure sign of wisdom. Thanks Mia.
Jennifer Dougan
Tuesday, July 9, 2013 @ 5:24 pm
Hi Floyd,
The French liken our American conversations to a game of playing catch, but they prefer their more spider web-like approaches to conversation.
I’m sorry about the friendship fading you mentioned. It’s a good reminder to me to be a friend who really sees and hears others, and who cares. Not always easy in today’s busy world, I admit.
Jennifer Dougan
http://www.jenniferdougan.com
Floyd
Tuesday, July 9, 2013 @ 6:22 pm
In our break-neck-speed life we live it seems the world is competing to he heard, understood, and relevant. Funny, the only One worthy of that is our Father! Good insight, Jennifer. Thanks, sister.
Jason Stasyszen
Wednesday, July 10, 2013 @ 1:46 pm
It’s a painful lesson, but there are people who only have interest in using us. As a pastor, I have resigned myself to the fact that many times I will care for people more than they care about me, but being in a real relationship with others requires the back and forth, the give and take. Good wisdom, Floyd. Thank you.
Floyd
Wednesday, July 10, 2013 @ 6:03 pm
I can only imagine the bites of reality that you get as a pastor. Thanks for keeping close to the heart of our Father and keeping humble to resist cynicism. It’s a great example, Jason. Thanks, brother.
Keith Walker
Wednesday, July 10, 2013 @ 7:21 pm
I remember ranting about this conversation issue in the gym. I am amazed that you took my rattled-off analogy and sculpted such an eloquent post. Someone else noted your excellent final phrase . . . “with a back spin of wisdom.” Very well done, indeed. As life marches on, I think we hunger more and more for that fulfilling volley of conversation. Without it, we grow weak, we starve and begin to stagger along like something not alive. I suppose this could be applied to both the terrestrial and the Divine. Either way, without the volley, the relationship is lost, and we are left with a void. Thank you again for your wise words.
Floyd
Wednesday, July 10, 2013 @ 10:06 pm
You’re like E.F. Hutton… when you talk… people listen. I’ve written on subjects with much less wisdom and inspiration, my friend. I think I told you when you said it I was gonna write a post on it. I always appreciate your wisdom and heart. You are one of a kind my friend. Thanks for commenting, Keith.
Mike
Wednesday, July 10, 2013 @ 7:28 pm
You make a very good point. I find many people love to talk, but find it very difficult to listen. You can see them looking for the smallest break from what someone is saying so that they can jump in and share what they have to say. Most people love nothing better than hear themselves speak. π There is nothing more refreshing than having someone actually care about what you have to say.
Floyd
Wednesday, July 10, 2013 @ 10:10 pm
The last two lines of your comment are solidly packed with truth, Mike. I was one of those people that really only wanted for others to hear my opinion… now not so much… Seeking to find the heart of others, if they’re willing to share it, is blessing beyond description. Thanks for listening to me, Mike. You know I’m listening to you, brother… you’ve been blessed with heavenly wisdom, my friend…
Hazel Moon
Monday, July 15, 2013 @ 5:44 pm
Thanks for sharing at “Tell me a Story.” If you have another one you want to enter, please be my guest!
Floyd
Tuesday, July 16, 2013 @ 1:06 pm
Thanks, Hazel. I think I’ll add one tonight!