THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE REJECTION
The old adage “The first cut is the deepest” really has some merit. I’ve been sliced so many times now that the scar from the original wound is barely noticeable. I can’t even recall some of the earliest painful experiences…The good, the bad, and the rejection…
“Oh that stinks!” she said truly feeling some emotional pain… she’s got some skin in the game. “Naw – That’s no big deal – I’ve been rejected so many times in my life? That’s nothin’.” I laughed.
“I feel so bad for you – I hate that! It reminds me of when we were in school and the guys would have to ask the girls to dance, I felt so sorry for them.” Lainey, my friend and editor said. The rejection letter from another agent I’d queried regarding my latest manuscript that prompted our impromptu, coupled with Lainey’s analogy took me back in time to some of the first cuts – the deepest cuts… the ones that reveal the reality of this life, the ones you can’t forget.
I was immediately transported back in time to a skinny kid again, with crooked teeth and more than my fair share of acne. The only thing worse than navigating the “Walk of Shame” with your buddies watching was walking it without them. It took time… It was easier jumping off cliffs, defying gravity, and risking life and limb; those acts were like a cake walk compared to the courage it took to walk across the gym or dance floor to ask a girl to dance.
It starts as a group effort, “I’m gonna ask Corrine to dance!” would be a typical statement to my pals, not much different from their declarations. The response from the gang would vary, “Dude! – She’s so out of your league!” or, “No you’re not, you don’t have the guts!” That was a good one. That was the equal to the previous generation’s being called “chicken” or “yella.”
Of course shoving of shoulders and chests was part of the ritual… Meanwhile back at the ranch, the girls were watching, thinking what idiots we were… I’ve come to believe that women get an extra dose of wisdom at birth… After procrastinating most of the night and not much left of it, some of us would take that walk. The lonesome walk, the one that has to be taken alone.
“Just do it, man!” would come the spurring. Then the walk… The walk that seemed to take a lifetime was filled with determination, courage, and hope; the same ingredients required by all of us in life who dare to strive for more of anything. In hindsight, it was kind of a no-win proposition for kids who cared way too much about what others thought about us. If the potential dance partner would say “Yes,” they (and I) would laugh and make fun of their pal while cutting the proverbial rug, but worse than that was the awkward smile and the dreaded, “No thank you…”
The embarrassed grin and dim lights could hide the hot flash searing your face and stomach as you turned and headed back toward your support group that showed zero mercy, but yet completely understood the trip back on the famous Walk of Shame. “Oooo! – That’s gotta hurt!” would come the responses… Yup, like a knife being twisted after inserted…
With time, we gain perspective and wisdom. The first cuts prepared us for real life and all of us have been rejected in one way or another over the course of our lives. While this might be overused adage it’s loaded with truth, “You learn more from losing than you do winning.”
Without the rejections in life, how would we learn to persevere? Maybe the rejections and the deep cuts are really the training processes designed to prepare us to share great gifts with a world that can’t find the value in things like, oh… saaaay, taking that trip of no return down the oh so long Walk of Shame?
Rick Dawson
Sunday, June 23, 2013 @ 2:36 am
The rites of passage… Sorry to hear the news of the rejection; the plus side is, of course, being Abba’s kid means not being rejected where it counts – our eternal home.
“Without the rejections in life, how would we learn to persevere? Maybe the rejections and the deep cuts are really the training processes designed to prepare us to share great gifts with a world that canβt find the value in things…” Yep. ’nuff said.
Floyd
Sunday, June 23, 2013 @ 9:01 am
Oh, it’s good to have things to laugh at now. That microscopic pain was just the training ground for real life! And really a blessing after all. It’s all about perspective isn’t it? Thanks, Rick.
hazel i moon
Sunday, June 23, 2013 @ 6:21 pm
Rejection leaves scars, from rebuff of the ladies, or from a publisher. Try a different one. and perhaps he gave you some revision suggestions?
At least you tried, and keep trying. = =
Thanks for sharing this at “Tell Me a Story.”
Floyd
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 5:26 pm
Oh yeah, I’m not the towel throwing in kind of guy, Hazel! Thanks for the encouragement and thanks for letting me share this at your wonderful site!
Mia
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 3:50 am
Dear Floyd
Oh, we were so naive when we were young! I agree with you that rejection makes us persevere; but there are some kinds from very important people in our lifes that can break a young spirit. But, by the grace of our Pappa, no spirit can be too broken for Him to heal. The problem is when people don’t turn to Pappa in their hurt, but to other things like drugs, sex, religion, etc.
Much love XX
Mia
Floyd
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 5:51 pm
Good call, Mia. Certain people in our lives can do more damage than an army. No spirit is beyond His touch, well said. Thanks, Mia. And naive could be an understatement for some of us!
Dan Erickson
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 5:58 am
“The first cuts prepared us fro real life.” That’s right. They gave us the ability to persevere. The funny thing is, if I were at a dance today and asked a woman to dance and she said, “no,” I just go ask another woman to dance, and so on, without much care or thought about it.
Floyd
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 5:56 pm
I haven’t even thought about asking a woman go dance in decades! I know when a wedding rolls around, I’ll be dancing whether I want to or not! I hear you, Dan. We change with time… to bad it didn’t happen when we were kids! And your past has certainly given you a stronger perspective in so many ways. Thanks, Dan.
Hutch
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 7:28 am
Thanks for this. It helps me remember that rejection is often the prerequisite to something great in our lives (if we don’t quit).
Your story about the long walk across the gym floor reminded me of the statement by Matt Damon (Benjamin Mee) in the move “We Bought a Zoo” when he tells his son, βSometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, and i promise you something great will come of it.β
Floyd
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 5:57 pm
That’s a great saying, Hutch. I’ll have to remember that! Life has a way of preparing us to keep moving onward as long as we aren’t tossing in the towel! Thanks, Hutch. And thanks for stopping by.
Audra Krell
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 9:24 am
I’m so excited about this rejection!! Selfishly because I didn’t now you were querying your manuscript and because of the rejection, now I do! : )
Okay, now my excitement is over. I know the sting you speak of. But I will be praying now. I’m so proud of you. You are way too good to keep your writing to yourself. I know that God has prepared you for just such a time as this, with the economy turning, there is more room for new authors and your day to shine is coming. The world needs your stories.
Floyd
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 6:02 pm
Well that was just about the nicest thing that was said to anybody today, Audra! You are too kind, sister! I appreciate all your support and heart, you are a blessing, Audra. Thank you.
tcavey
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 9:53 am
Just this weekend I was discussing something similar to this with my sister. We were talking about how too many people shelter their kids from pain, when it’s pain that helps us learn to cope and grow. If we never experience rejection, how can we know how good it feels to win?
If we don’t learn as kids how to get back up when we fall, how we will manage in the “real world”?
Great post and sorry about the rejection letter. I usually don’t even get the letter, just complete silence. Not sure which is worse.
Ngina Otiende
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 1:48 pm
π Complete silence can feel worse sometimes..cos you don’t know what to think. Sorry about that. it’s good to read about your journey on getting your book out, it encourages me.
Floyd
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 6:20 pm
You’re going places, Ngina! Push forward, sister. “Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world!”
tcavey
Tuesday, June 25, 2013 @ 1:26 pm
Glad I can be of help to you!
Hang in there, you have powerful words to share and God will guide you and bless you.
His timings perfect!
Floyd
Wednesday, June 26, 2013 @ 7:17 am
Thanks, TC. I agree one hundred percent and for me, this is a win/win. If I fulfill the calling with perseverance there is no regrets… only gratification.
tcavey
Wednesday, June 26, 2013 @ 11:26 am
AMEN! I feel the same.
Floyd
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 6:07 pm
I’m with you, TC. The best lessons are the ones that wake us up to the reality of life, then it’s our choice to teach our kids to use their to make a difference, even if it just means never giving up… I can’t think of a better lesson to leave our kids…
Okay, here goes a screwed up comment and perspective; I’ve got some pretty good bad news letters…! I feel like Jim Carey in Dumb and Dumber when the girls tells him there’s no chance for him, actually, “One in a million,” and he smiles and says, “So your tellin’ me there’s a chance!” Hang in there TC. Your manuscript is sound, it might take a secular agent or publisher for that to see light. That’s my next step!
tcavey
Tuesday, June 25, 2013 @ 1:29 pm
Dumb and Dumber…haven’t thought of that movie in a long time.
Thanks for the laugh and the encouraging words, Floyd.
I’ve submitted to a few secular agents without success (it’s probably too Christian for them- go figure), I’ll keep at it π
Floyd
Wednesday, June 26, 2013 @ 7:20 am
Good for you. I have to say your story was riveting, raw, and real… I seems the Christian agents are looking for the glossy feel good stories without the heartache along the way… I don’t know too many lives that fit that description… It’ll work, we will persevere.
tcavey
Wednesday, June 26, 2013 @ 11:27 am
Thanks, I appreciate your encouragement. We will keep on, keeping on…all for HIS glory.
Floyd
Wednesday, June 26, 2013 @ 12:30 pm
Yes we will. Amen, TC.
Floyd
Wednesday, June 26, 2013 @ 7:41 am
Not sure what happened to my reply… Sheesh…
Chuck Allen
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 11:06 am
Yeah, we experience rejection early in life. It’s easy to forget how brutal those school years could be at times. π
Reading your post, though, brought on a little jealousy. (Hopefully, the ok kind; the kick-me-in-the-butt kind.) You see, I haven’t received any rejections yet this year – because I haven’t submitted anything. One of my goals for this year was to start submitting, so I’d better get busy! (So, thanks for that push.)
Sorry to hear you got a rejection, but wear it like a badge. You’re putting your work out there and that’s the most important thing.
Floyd
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 6:10 pm
Thanks, Chuck. I’ve had quite a few rejection letters. When that self addressed envelope shows up in the mailbox I know it’s a hard dose of reality! Chuck, you got mad skill, you need to start sending them out… It doesn’t hurt near as much as getting turned down by the girl at the dance… Besides, there is no Walk of Shame involved! Thanks, Chuck.
Barb Raveling
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 12:04 pm
God has definitely used rejection to build me up and draw me closer to Him. HOWEVER – I wouldn’t mind a nice little season of NOT being built up, either! π
Seriously, I really do think with writing, that rejection/failure/etc has been good for me. It has helped me make sure it’s all about loving God and loving others – and not about success, making money, and/or having people like me.
I’ve avoided rejection letters for the most part by publishing on my own – maybe not a good idea π but in today’s market, I wonder if you really need a publisher. At least not in all areas.
Floyd
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 6:13 pm
I hear you, Barb. A season of rest would be nice! I’m also with you on using it to keep our perspectives intact. In the end, if it’s not God’s will there’s no chance of us getting our way… plus I know how that turns out! I agree that self publishing is coming into the norm and the traditional ways aren’t always necessary. Thanks, Barb.
Kristin
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 1:37 pm
I’m so there with Audra, excited that you are sending something in! Keep sending. I heard Max Lucado say once that he received something like 27 rejection letters before someone took a chance on him. Now look at him!
Your writing is TOO good to sit on. Keep mailing out those queries!
(I always wanted to be a cheerleader….GOOOOO FLoyd!!!) π
Floyd
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 6:14 pm
Thanks, Kristin. I appreciate your encouragement and heart, sister. As long I feel it’s in God’s will I’ll keep on keepin’ on… just like you, sister!
Ngina Otiende
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 1:42 pm
i was reading the other day how the fear of rejection can keep one from taking healthy risks…and i though it described me to a tee cos i can’t count the number of times I’ve paused or backtracked on something whenever i thought rejection/failure was lurking on the horizon.
Got to give it the young boys, and to everybody else, who puts their best foot forward in uncertain times π
It’s sad to hear about your manuscript. but funny your experience has inspired me try and consider traditional pub for my manuscript π I was going to take the self-pub route..to avoid rejection π I’ll be thinking more on this..
Floyd
Monday, June 24, 2013 @ 6:19 pm
Good for you, Ngina! No to me has become like water off a duck’s back… I’ve learned a ton in the process and am continuing to get better at it! Isn’t that the point? I enjoy new things. If you need anything in the way of help, I don’t know much, but willing to share what little I have! Thanks, Ngina.
Jason Stasyszen
Tuesday, June 25, 2013 @ 9:42 am
Rejection certainly leaves a mark. I have struggled with some form of those issues for the majority of my life, but like you said, there is hope and we do get back up. Thank God for the little rejections that teach us how to respond properly. I know it’s not the same as getting an agent, but thank you for writing what you do and even more than that, thank you for your friendship and encouragement. I am truly blessed to know you, Floyd.
Floyd
Tuesday, June 25, 2013 @ 6:44 pm
Oh man, Jason. It would all be worth it just to have got to know you and your wonderful heart for God and all the wisdom and encouragement a friend and brother could ask for. Thanks, truly thank you, Jason.
Jay Cookingham
Tuesday, June 25, 2013 @ 10:25 am
I like to shred rejection letters…but that’s only because they won’t let me handled explosives!
Your words, stories,observations are valuable my friend! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Floyd
Wednesday, June 26, 2013 @ 6:58 am
Thanks, Jay. I appreciate it. I write because I feel led to, and what I’ve gained in the process is truly priceless. That includes you, crazy man! (I don’t blame them for not letting you handle explosives!)
scott
Tuesday, June 25, 2013 @ 11:06 am
suffering produces endurance…
God chipping away that the things we make part of our false self.
Thanks for the post.
Floyd
Wednesday, June 26, 2013 @ 7:00 am
Excellent wisdom, Scott. God chipping away at the ugly things, the worldly things, the false things, is a gift all unto itself. Thanks for stopping by and adding the wise counsel, Scott.
April
Tuesday, June 25, 2013 @ 12:12 pm
I hear you. I’ve been cut many times, in many different ways. Lately it’s been about not getting enough work for my business, which is hard since I’m a single mom working to make ends meet. But, like you said, without the cuts, I wouldn’t have perseverance or the guts to keep trying, or try harder, at least in this case.
Floyd
Wednesday, June 26, 2013 @ 7:15 am
Hang in there, April. I know you will. It takes time, as you do more business it will get to be like a snowball; the growing process will be exponential. I’m spreading the word and appreciate all you’ve done on my business sites. Difficult times are the foundation of a lasting business. Thanks for sharing, April.
Vilisi
Tuesday, June 25, 2013 @ 2:23 pm
Thanks for being real. Rejection can be such an awful demoralising thing and I don’t think anyone is exempted from it. In this time of global economic hardship, rejection for many (myself included) has frequently taken the form of a negative email or phone call from potential employers.By God’s grace I’ve learnt to take it in my stride and not allow my faith in God to be shaken (a great gain in itself.)And there is comfort in knowing you’re not the only one going through this so thanks for sharing. π
Floyd
Wednesday, June 26, 2013 @ 7:44 am
My little rejection is a small pebble in the road of life compared to real life circumstances. Your words and testimony show the faith in the difficult things that do more to encourage than mere words. Thanks for sharing your heart and faith, it is encouraging in a powerful way. Thanks, Vilisi. I appreciate you stopping by.
Joanne Norton
Tuesday, June 25, 2013 @ 6:30 pm
This is so true: The first cuts prepared us for real life and all of us have been rejected in one way or another over the course of our lives.
The hard part for me is that I had so many cuts from childhood forward … and often don’t feel that I even fit into the Christian general world. BUT the benefit is that I know what to watch out for, who to watch over so I won’t risk being hurt again, etc. Can love and expect and protect many, but rarely jump in. Makes me not sound very nice, I guess, but if the Lord tells me to follow, touch, reach out, or run, HE’s the one that I can rely upon forever and ever. [My husband and many dear friends, including you, are ones also I can truly rely upon and trust. The only problem with them? Everyone except the Lord is human and doesn’t know/see it all forever and ever; He’s the only One we can truly trust, rely upon.]
Floyd
Wednesday, June 26, 2013 @ 7:28 am
Amen, Joanne. We all have scars and wisdom from them, but only our Father is perfect. Thanks for the kind words and the wisdom. You’ve got an abundance, sister…
Mary McLeary
Wednesday, June 26, 2013 @ 7:40 am
This post reminded me of more than a few times I felt mortified as an early teen.
Any attention caused my face to turn bright red and draw laughter from the more sophisticated crowd. I hadn’t thought of how it prepared me for rejection, but really nothing is wasted – not even those experiences.
You do have a gift for writing and the perseverance to eventually get published. Bear Bryant once said, “I don’t want the guy that knocks the others down, I want the guy who keeps getting up!” Be that guy!
Floyd
Wednesday, June 26, 2013 @ 7:49 am
How I love a good quote! And that is a great quote! I believe that one of the traits of those that belong to our Father is that trait of perseverance. In the end it matters not that we get across some magical finish line, it’s that we run the good race, I believe that’s where the gratification from God is achieved. Thanks, Mary… May we all be that person that keeps getting up…
Phil
Wednesday, June 26, 2013 @ 9:03 am
I’ve dealt with it well and not so well, but by and large have learned from each time. Good description of what we all go through. Love you brother and pray for the right thing to come along!
Floyd
Wednesday, June 26, 2013 @ 10:33 am
We all share the difficulties of life… which brings us closer I think. Thanks for the kind words, encouragement and brotherly love, Phil, right back at you, brother!
Loren Pinilis
Monday, July 1, 2013 @ 3:07 pm
Situations like this train you for larger ones. One way or the other. They either train you to take a risk or train you to play it safe and boring. Life takes guts!
Floyd
Monday, July 1, 2013 @ 5:43 pm
I’m with you, Loren! They can say no a million times, but if I believe I’m justified I’ll figure a way to move the mountain! Excellent point! Thanks, Loren.