CHIVALRY… REST IN PEACE…
“We’re not in Arizona anymore,” I thought to myself. It didn’t happen overnight, but it sure does seem like it. It was mid-afternoon, Waffle House, the waitresses and cooks were changing shifts and I was in desperate need of sustenance from the old fashioned coffee joint.
There were only five customers in the place that seats around thirty folks when I strolled in, all men. I sat with my back to the south so I could see the street and parking lot out the almost completely glass front and sides that sit atop an old white speckled ceramic tile about three feet off the ground.
The guy closest to me was around my age, looking out from under his silver glasses as he relished the single waffle he was obviously accustomed to. A kid, probably early twenties, sat at the tiny bar in a swivel chair, his back to the street. He sported designer shades pushed back on his head, a hairstyle and beard stolen from Justin Timberlake. The kid also had the ever popular rings stretching his earlobes that you could pass a rope through.
Two other guys, probably late sixties sat opposite me by the tiny bathrooms, both wearing cowboy hats and work shirts that spoke to a fashion and generation all but gone. I like those types, they usually don’t like me, but I appreciate their value system, generally speaking.
The older fella’s with hair growing like wild flowers out of their noses and ears gave me the stink eye glance on my way to the restroom. Gym clothes, ponytail. I don’t blame them. They looked away quickly, they didn’t want trouble. They’ve lived long enough to know it’s better to gamble with dollars that you’re own hide.
After my quick trip to the restroom, my water and coffee greeting me kindly, I was the last one to spot the waitresses in outside who just finished their shift. One lady I’d guess was mid-twenties, the other mid-sixties. They were wrestling with a little yellow car in the parking lot.
“Can you watch my bag?” I asked my waitress pointing to my briefcase as I headed for the door.
“Sure,” she answered.
“What are you doing?” I asked the relieved waitresses.
“The reverse is out on my girlfriend’s car,” the elder of the two announced.
I pushed the little car backward up the slight grade with a “There you go!”
“Thank you so much!” they both called back.
The fresh shift looked at me with appreciation, although surprised. The men pretended like they’d not seen a thing, everything short of the guilty whistle while looking the other way, except the kid, he looked at me like I wasn’t human. As if he was trying to figure out what in the world would possess a human being to help out another. It would appear chivalry is dead.
I’m not sure when society forgot how to help out a stranger. That’s the kind of help you’d offer anyone regardless of gender if needed. The fact that not one man in the place had the automatic instinct to help was disturbing to me. The act isn’t even a matter of Christian values – it’s just plain ole’ manners!
Our new society is missing out on one of the greatest gifts created by God Himself; the act of giving and helping.
I wonder how many folks look in the mirror and avoid eye contact with who they see in the reflection these days…
Monday, May 5, 2014 @ 10:47 am
Man, I do love your stories and the way you tell them puts me right there in the moment. Your story concerns me in that it makes me think about if I’m in need of someone to help me, would anyone or would I have to go it alone. I’m glad chivalry isn’t dead in you and if you were the person to help me I would be much appreciative. As a side note… about the ear thing I see youths with today… well, I have to look away quickly because it just seems so unnatural and painful.
Monday, May 5, 2014 @ 6:00 pm
One thing you can count on is me if I’m around and you’re in a spot, Thomas. But it really does seem like it should be just common courtesy! I was shocked by the other’s lack of anything. I’m also with you on the ear holes… I must be getting old, I can’t for the life of me see the point of those things! Thanks, Thomas.
Monday, May 5, 2014 @ 2:20 pm
Hi Floyd,
I remember when I first received my drivers licence and was driving around an old clunker. There were a few times I was in need of help and there were those who dropped what they were doing to give me hand. Those were the days!
Blessings brother.
Monday, May 5, 2014 @ 6:04 pm
Those were the days, and I hope that the situation was a fluke. I hope that it isn’t completely gone! Blessings to you to, sister. And thanks for sharing your clunker story. I have a lot of those clunker stories too! Funny having more doesn’t necessarily equal happiness… Thanks!
Monday, May 5, 2014 @ 4:33 pm
Hi Floyd! I know what you mean about helping others…why is it so hard for people to see that they are needed? I think the reaction of ‘looking away’ speaks volumes though. Probably embarrassed that they didn’t help.
I think if people like you continue to set that shining example, maybe more people would step forward. It comes so naturally to you, it would probably seem unnatural for you NOT to help. That’s what we need in this world. All of acting like that is our sister/mother/cousin out there who needs help. Not just nameless, face-less waitresses who just don’t count.
Keep helping my friend. It’s a trend worth starting!
Ceil
Monday, May 5, 2014 @ 6:08 pm
I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t help! I know you, especially being a nurse, have the heart of service. I’ll keep on doing what we’re called to, Ceil. You’re right, it’s a trend worth starting! Thanks, Ceil.
Monday, May 5, 2014 @ 5:48 pm
Floyd, I had no doubt you would help those folks. Like you, I am saddened and surprised no one else did.
Monday, May 5, 2014 @ 6:10 pm
Thanks, Pam. I’m with you on the disappointment, I was shocked. I thought it was just still manners? I didn’t even know it had changed!
Monday, May 5, 2014 @ 6:01 pm
You make me want to go help someone. Right now!
(Thanks for the reminder.)
Monday, May 5, 2014 @ 6:13 pm
I know you wouldn’t hesitate to help, Voni. It’s just part of who we are… not to mention it’s just good manners! You’re welcome, Voni, and thanks.
Monday, May 5, 2014 @ 7:02 pm
Wow, now this sentence is worth the price of the whole story: “I wonder how many folks look in the mirror and avoid eye contact with who they see in the reflection these days.” Ill never forget when my USO world boss, Chuck Hagel (now Sec’y of Defense) gave the USO directors a poem in a piece of glass called “The Man in the Glass,” which basically says you can’t lie to the man in the glass–yourself (your conscience), and though others may be patting you on the back, you can’t cheat the man in the glass, b/c he will know who you are (that’s my interpretation of the gist). Do we avoid eye contact w/ ourselves, b/c we know we’ve cheated our fellow man, and thereby, God? This is a powerful piece, and a great reminder to be of service. I recall once when I was in my 20’s on my way to a funeral parlor, and had to drive down the highway through a very bad part of St. Louis. I had a flat tire, and it was fairly late at night, and dark, and not only didn’t I know how to change a flat, but it turned out, I didn’t even have a spare tire in my VW. A man stopped, and I was scared, b/c the area was desolate. But bless his heart, he gave me a tire, and put it on, and sent me on my way, w/ his good wishes. Oh, for the mercy of kind strangers, and I thank God he could look at his face in his rearview mirror and know he’d done a good turn! Thanks for your great storytelling w/ a spiritual point, Floyd. I always love to read your stuff!
Fondly,
Lynn
Monday, May 5, 2014 @ 10:06 pm
Wow. You worked for Chuck Hagel? What else are you holding out on us? I like that story, makes the point about having to live with ourselves. We can lie to ourselves, but that won’t fool our soul or give it rest. It’s the way we’re designed. That man that helped you was the very hand of God, Lynn. No coincidences in this life… Thanks for sharing and adding to make a piece better, Lynn.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014 @ 6:02 am
Just so you know . . . I didn’t work directly for Mr. Hagel. Each USO was its own entity in a way, operating with a Board. I was the executive director in charge of daily operations and had a board president. But Hagel was over the entire she-bang! =]
Tuesday, May 6, 2014 @ 5:24 pm
Still, that’s pretty cool, Lynn.
Monday, May 5, 2014 @ 7:50 pm
I *love* the “Man in the Glass” – thanks, Lynn!
It doesn’t matter what we look like – it matters who we are. If you ever get the chance (maybe you have already?) read “The Story of The Other Wise Man” by Henry Van Dyke. It’s available for free online – just don’t be fussed up at me if you find the waterworks turned on by the ending. Still happens that way for me when I re-read it.
Good tale – and Waffle House? A man after my own heart 🙂
Monday, May 5, 2014 @ 10:08 pm
I’ll check out that story, Rick. Thanks! And yeah, we could solve all the world’s problems over coffee at a Waffle House, my friend!
Monday, May 5, 2014 @ 10:15 pm
I ran out of gas once, and walked a couple blocks to a gas station. The man was helpful (even if it was his job) and showed me how to put a bit of the gas into the carburetor as well as the tank. All went well. I loved this story about how you jumped to help a woman in distress. Thank you for sharing your wonderful post with us here at “Tell Me a Story.”
Tuesday, May 6, 2014 @ 5:19 pm
Thanks, Hazel. I know you wouldn’t sit still! A rolling stone that gathers no moss has nothing on you, sister! Well, I couldn’t help but help… not even a question.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014 @ 12:23 am
Chilvary isn’t dead, it’s just renamed itself, now it’s known as Floyd.
I still hold the occassional door open for a lady…or anyone else…
Tuesday, May 6, 2014 @ 5:20 pm
You know, I already knew that about you, Ed. I guess it’s also called “Ed”! Thanks, Ed. Great to hear from you, you never lack being clever! I appreciate that trait!
Tuesday, May 6, 2014 @ 5:41 am
First, the Waffle House makes the best breakfasts…it was our favorite place to go in our partying years because they were opened round the clock.
Second, thank you for being that “kind of man”. I am married to none of those men and our son is exactly like his Dad, helps anyone who needs it. Some would call them foolish because truth be known they have been taken advantage of several times for their kindness. Yet God gives them plenty of chances to exercise as you said, chilvary. It is true what goes around comes around. If those two ladies will always remember the kind man who helped them…and who knows, your helping them may result in they helping someone else.
Today I am traveling across three states without my husband. If I should break down I am praying for a Floyd being there to help me. Those two girls will remember you and hopefully give out what your gave to someone else. Bless you brother.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014 @ 5:23 pm
I know our Father has your back, Betty. It’s true, people do tend to get taken advantage of in certain circumstances, but we don’t do it for them exactly, we do it for who we serve, it’s just who we are. I knew Ace and Jared were those type of men. I know you’re proud of them, Betty. They are a gift from God, but you already know that! Praying a safe trip for you, sister.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014 @ 6:56 am
Sorry got here late my friend. Great story! I held the door open for a lady just last night after a trip to the local state park to meet with the couple about their upcoming wedding. She was surprised I held the car door open for her. I don’t know…it was something I was taught growing up. Stopping to help even if an inconvenience. Too bad chivalry is dead. it was really nice and honoring while it lasted.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014 @ 5:25 pm
It may be gone for some, but not for us, brother. I still open the car door for my wife and girls… Funny, I never knew it would go out of fashion, but it makes Christ’s followers stand out I suppose. Thanks, Bill.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014 @ 9:13 am
I’ve had only one blow out (thank God). Many people zoomed past me but one truck stopped to offer their phone….I had a phone, what I was wanting was them to change my tire. I used my phone to call my dad.
I know I’ve never regretting helping someone but I have regretting passing up opportunities to give.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014 @ 5:30 pm
Well said, TC. We never regret doing the things that Christ would have done. It’s passing them up that lives with us and reminds us to be His hands and heart.
I’ve changed my share of flat tires for my girls! Why does it always seem to be summer in Arizona and the tire mounted underneath the truck and me in short pants?
Tuesday, May 6, 2014 @ 11:55 am
Thanks for this great reminder Floyd that we should internally have these instincts as Christians and really human beings. Such a very valuable reminder.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014 @ 5:31 pm
It’s instinct for us, Lincoln. I was just shocked that it wasn’t for all men. I didn’t see that change coming. Thanks, Lincoln.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014 @ 11:31 am
I’m not even sure I should comment on this one, Floyd, you’ve hit a hot button, lol! It’s a testament to those around you that this hit you on the blind side.
Helping your fellow man/woman isn’t a gender issue per se, but I believe the downfall has hit men the hardest. Our culture/society (i.e. the world = satan) has done its best to emasculate men. And the women libers, in my opinion, deserve a large part of the blame.
I wrote a post about Biblical Womanhood back in January. http://www.inspiredbyjune.com/2014/01/inspired-by-few-good-words.html I mention it because there are two links in the post that are worth reading. One by Heidi St. John and the other by Matt Walsh. Those two really sum up the entire state of affairs very well, in my opinion.
Of course, chivalry is only part of it. We are all called to help our fellowman. The biblical account of the Samaritan helping the Jew is our guide. As far as safety/being taken advantage of in this day an age, that’s a concern. But God gave us a brain for a reason 🙂 we need to use it, instead of emotions, as our guide in those cases. Okay, enough, I’m getting down off my box now… thanks for letting me join the conversation, brother.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014 @ 6:34 pm
June, I so appreciate your passion! It says a ton to me about you and your God given wisdom. I agree with you on the emasculating men. The enemy is at work. Even the Christian men are beginning to act like less than what I believe we are called to. I constantly remember how God speaks to Job, “Gird your loins!” In other words, stand like a man and answer Me. I’ll check out those posts. Thanks for sharing that passion, June!
Wednesday, May 7, 2014 @ 10:00 pm
I’ve learned showing people Christ before preaching to them about Christ is often the best thing to do. Your a perfect example of showing Christ to others through your kind actions. Great job and great example to follow.
Thursday, May 8, 2014 @ 6:07 pm
That’s a great and wise point, Dan. Reminds me of a quote from your favorite author, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care…” Thanks, Dan.
Thursday, May 8, 2014 @ 6:11 pm
Love that quote!!!
Thursday, May 8, 2014 @ 5:15 am
You are so right, just common courtesy! Thanks for helping out the “weaker sex”, lol, there are definitely some things men can do better…like pushing a car!
Thursday, May 8, 2014 @ 6:10 pm
Right? And are called to!!! We are made for certain things and to deny it from others in need is something I can’t abide. Thanks, Nannette.
Friday, May 9, 2014 @ 7:04 pm
Excellent ! Worries me as well that not one was inclined to assist.Telling. YOu final line is exquisite! ‘…avoiding eye contact with the one in the mirror..’.and at the dinner table or the drive through. Our new society? Sad.
Saturday, May 10, 2014 @ 10:04 am
I hope the trend starts back the other way. Who knows what one small daily act of good manners can do? God does… Thanks, Shandra.