WHERE THE BROKEN LIVE
image courtesy myenglishclub.com
It hit me how old the place was as I pulled into the parking lot. Over twenty-five years have passed since the last time I made that turn into the now patched and faded lot. The place doesn’t look nearly as good as it used to… but then neither do I… The thing that hadn’t changed a lick was the emotion in the eyes of the people who lived in those apartments.
Some were content, but they would be the minority. That place is temporary shelter for almost everyone that lives there and a change in life is what brought them all together. A place where the broken live. I could see the anger in the eyes of some of the residents… I remember that feeling… I could see and sense despair and brokenness.
As soon as I parked I knew the trip down memory lane was inevitable. My heart broke for those people. I know exactly their pain and despair… and then I knew that I was going to get to feel it all again on their behalf… and maybe mine. It was like watching something you didn’t want to, but were being forced to.
Experience tells me that most of the folks living in that mega apartment complex were living lives of consequence. Their choices made in hope that were calculated more like birthday wishes and revealed the reality of true life… along with the double-edged sword of free will.
So many lives playing out in close proximity to others, many of them train wrecks in slow motion… No rewinding, no fast forwarding… Each physical and emotional blow taken at full force, every second seeming like an eternity… I’d say some of those folks don’t even know they’re in the hour of their deepest need. How many tears fall unseen behind the walls in the homes of the broken nightly? God only knows.
I didn’t want to make that journey back, but there I was feeling and remembering that painful time in a life when wisdom beckons. Deep despair stands at the end of the street waiting for those who toil in foolishness, waiting to greet all of us who toil, thinking we can out wit God or our choices.
The sting of reality burns upon the weeds of decay sown in our flesh… and the tears of desperation can’t quench the fire within. Nor do the short, heavy breaths of stress and pain – they only stoke the flames. How many will find truth with their face buried in the worn and filthy carpet that soaked up the tears of broken strangers before them? Will the bitter reality of a life lived with the wrong perspective and priorities be enough pain to bring about change?
No one likes being broken. In truth, not many people are truly completely broken. I believe if a person is truly broken they seek truth. The truth is that only God can repair the broken-hearted, but we can’t be repaired supernaturally until we know we’re broken and in need of something bigger than ourselves.
My good friend who met me there to help me unload our trucks shared with me his story of a broken life and the time he did at that apartment complex. God has a way of using circumstances to open the hearts and minds of His stubborn chosen. I remember mine being revealed to me with my face in worn and filthy carpeting… Maybe the best thing that ever happened to me…
I’d like to think that place is a stepping stone on the way back up to peace and joy for some…
I pray it will be for my sister…
Sunday, December 2, 2012 @ 9:36 pm
Your heart ache for your sister is written in every word of your post my brother.
This a quote from a book my Nancy DeMoss, title Brokenness:
Brokenness is not a feeling or an emotion. Rather it requires a choice, an act of the will. Further, this choice is not primarily a one-time experience, though there may be profound and life changing spirtual turning points in our lives. True brokenness is an ongoing, constant way of life. True brokenness is a lifes style–a moment by moment lifestyle of agreeing with God about the true condition of our hearts and life, not as everyone else thinks it is but as He knows it.
Brokenness is the shattering of my self will..the absolute surender of my will to the will of God.
Praying for your sister…
Monday, December 3, 2012 @ 6:54 am
Thanks, Betty. What a great quote. It was as much a reminder to me of my brokenness as much as anything else. I appreciate your prayers. After all, I couldn’t think of a better thing in this world to have as a gift from anyone. Pouring out our heart on other’s behalf brings peace and healing to all of us. Always appreciate your heart, Betty.
Monday, December 3, 2012 @ 5:55 am
Wrote you a personal note on this Floyd, but also wanted your readers to know that there are others who know what you are feeling and pray for you and your sister.
Monday, December 3, 2012 @ 6:56 am
Thanks, Bill. We all have crosses to bear in this fallen world. In our brokenness we find true peace and joy with our Father. May all of us and our loved ones find Him in our brokenness.
Monday, December 3, 2012 @ 8:07 am
I believe that true, bottom of the pit brokenness, is where we find God. I wish none of us ever had to make it to that point, but the truth of the matter is that most of us hit “rock bottom” in one way or another and have to spend time in our brokenness to find the peace that God offers. I know God will do the same for your sister.
Monday, December 3, 2012 @ 6:13 pm
Thanks, April. I think we all need to remember that we’re all broken. We’re all born into the broken, fallen flesh. It’s times like those that stroll me down my own years the locusts have eaten that remind me of that brokenness. I agree, we struggle to find the peace God offers when we’re dancing in sunshine…
Monday, December 3, 2012 @ 8:59 am
Well written, very descriptive. I imagined everything and felt the pain. Good job. It brought back memories of my own brokenness.
I’ll be praying for your sister.
Monday, December 3, 2012 @ 6:15 pm
Thanks, TC. We all have that brokenness in common. Thanks for your prayers. We all need them and couldn’t offer a better gift at Christmas time or any other time of the year to anyone.
Monday, December 3, 2012 @ 9:07 am
I can’t help but think of all the pain that is described in your writing. Your love for your sister is un-imaginable and I can feel every ounce of it. God is shaping and molding us daily as we go through our trials. This blog post moved me Floyd, very descriptive and filled with passion and emotion.
Monday, December 3, 2012 @ 6:17 pm
Thanks, Lincoln. Passion is a gift we both share. I probably don’t use it for as worthy of causes as I should. My own years of brokenness remind me of that fact.
Monday, December 3, 2012 @ 1:50 pm
This post stirred my emotions. When my parents where separated we moved from Chico CA to Portland OR and looking back it’s the best thing that could have happened to me. I know my life would be completely different(for the negative) if I was raised in the Chico area. Though it hurt and was hard to move I know God was in the center of my life(Even when I had not fully accepted or known it).
Monday, December 3, 2012 @ 6:20 pm
Great wisdom, Dan. We don’t know how God will use the brokenness that we all share, but when we trust and seek Him, we know it couldn’t be a better place to find that wisdom. “But joy comes in the morning.” Thanks for sharing your heart and memories, Dan. They are powerful tools.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012 @ 1:07 pm
It sure does.
Monday, December 3, 2012 @ 6:52 pm
I don’t know the story behind what you wrote, but I felt it. I’ve known brokenness more than once. Some of us hard cases require more work. I have prayed for you and your sister, and want you to know that I appreciate your stories and your encouragement.
Monday, December 3, 2012 @ 7:37 pm
Thanks, Mike. You’re a great brother in Christ. You have the heart of King David. Us hard cases know how to stick together. Prayer; the best Christmas present on earth and in the cosmos…
Monday, December 3, 2012 @ 6:58 pm
Some must hit bottom before they can begin to rise to the top. Others may find a ledge to stand on and find hope from God there. Those who listen carefully will hear a voice from somewhere perhaps within – – telling them to find Jesus. It may be a movie, a song, a person, or even a TV preacher. The local mission usually has a voice that they must endure in order to get their bowl of soup. God has many ways to catch those who run from him. May he reach out and catch your sister soon. Thank you for sharing your story at: Tell Me a Story
http://letmetelluastory.blogspot.com/
Monday, December 3, 2012 @ 7:39 pm
Thanks, Hazel. My sister knows God. She’s like me, we just need to be reminded a little more often of our brokenness. This post is more about my reflection of my broken times. She just happens to be in one of those places that remind me of my weaknesses… A good reminder for a child of God like me…
Monday, December 3, 2012 @ 8:08 pm
Yes, I am happy that your sister knows Jesus. We wonder how God could love us, and it is good to be reminded that we came from there, but there is no turning back to return there.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012 @ 6:50 am
Amen, Hazel. Being somewhere physically is much different than being there spiritually. The place reminded me of the years the locusts eat when both are a reality.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012 @ 8:50 am
Moving post. Made me think of times when I’ve revisited grief, somewhat unwillingly, when someone I cared about was going through pain I’d known. It hurt deep all over again. But it always has shown me where I came from and how I got to where I am now: I too reached the heights of joy in Christ via the pit of despair and brokenness.
Prayers for your sister.
And another thought struck me as I read about this sad place: What a mission field! Praying also for workers…
Tuesday, December 4, 2012 @ 9:59 am
You summarized that perfectly, Sylvia. Plus you added what the true direction and desire of our hearts should be; to be the heart of our Father to the world. Very, very well said. Thanks for the wisdom.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012 @ 5:13 pm
Floyd am praying for you and your sister. I am reminded of my own brokeness and path that led me to God. Surely He knows how to reach our hearts.
I love what you say here “The truth is that only God can repair the broken hearted, but we can’t be repaired supernaturally until we know we’re broken and in need of something bigger than ourselves.” Knowing this makes me tremble – God has given us a free will. He will not ‘force’ Himself on us..we can search and find all sorts of ‘replacements’ and counterfeits. But I have experienced his relentless extravagance pursuit. So I know that as we pray and stand in faith for our loved ones, their hearts will be softened and they’ll respond to the knock on the door. The Holy Spirit is ever so close.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012 @ 5:53 pm
Well said, Ngina. So close all a soul has to do is reach out. The lost really have no idea how close they are every second of their life. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. We all share the common thread of brokenness. Not a bad place to be when it leads to our Father and the wisdom from Him.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012 @ 9:29 pm
And isn’t it so wonderful that He picks us up and repairs that brokeness and then we get to watch the broken ones who come after us be picked up and repaired, also. Seeing those we love suffer as we have is very hard and I can feel your pain in your writing. Excellent post.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012 @ 6:56 am
Thanks, Evie. We all get to share in struggles in life. It’s where we turn for answers that define a great legacy I think.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012 @ 11:02 pm
“God has a way of using circumstances to open the hearts and minds of His stubborn chosen.” God qualifies the called through our brokeness, we dicover how needy we are, how dependent we are and if we run to God He will mend our broken heart.
I pray over Isaiah 61 for all the broken today. That God “may bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.” Amen Thanks Floyd for sharing.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012 @ 7:03 am
Wow. Thank you, Maureen for sharing that prayer, heart, and amazing wisdom. What a gift to give for Christmas. It’s beyond measure. Thanks again. God bless.
Thursday, December 6, 2012 @ 5:28 pm
Hello Mr Floyd, You are so right, when the heart is totally broken and the soul given over to God, then the mending begins. As I read what you wrote here I couldn’t help but think there is an evil spirit over this place. One that brings depression and oppression, a spirit of darkness. It needs the infilling of Gods spirit and I am praying and believing for that to happen.
We don’t just give in to satan. we use the weapons of our warfare against him… Namely, the blood of the lamb spoken out in scripture, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE, and a SOUND MIND.” Speaking out our testimony, ” For God so loved the World that he gave his only begotten son…….right up to everlasting life.” And the last one, “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds.” Yipeee…. To God be the Glory..
Thursday, December 6, 2012 @ 6:26 pm
What an excellent word! Great wisdom and heart! You’re so right. That is exactly what we need and that place no doubt is filled with people in need of prayer and God… Every place is… Thanks for your insights and prayers. I’m adding mine.
Thursday, December 6, 2012 @ 6:11 pm
As usual, Floyd, your heart and intensity of life pour forth.
I recognize much of it from my background, too. Both the reality of apartment complexes you described and our regular heart needs… moving in the right direction towards our Lord and not relying on everyone/anyone else. Only HE is faithful … and wants us to be faithful to Him.
Blessings…
Thursday, December 6, 2012 @ 6:29 pm
Thanks, Joanne. Well said, He is the answer to all of our problems and heart aches. He is calling to us to lean on His power that is above all things and all powers. You and I understand the highs and lows and relate well. I appreciate your heart. Blessing to you as well, my friend.