WHEN LOSING WINS
She sang quietly along with the music. I didn’t dare offer a glance as we drove home. I was singing along with the good ole’ tune too, but significantly louder than her. I wanted to study her and listen to her sing, but that’s not what she wanted – she didn’t say it, but I knew it instinctively… A dad thing.
We had just dropped her teammate off on the way home when she reached over to my stereo and hit the reverse arrow to take us back to track three; her favorite song on my new/old CD I’d picked up a few weeks before while I was waiting for her at her favorite place on earth; the bookstore.
“You wanna harmonize?” she asked quietly and out of character, “I memorized the whole song.”
“Sure,” I answered, turning it up to drown myself out and make her more comfortable. We sang along with the old song all the way home. Even started it over a couple times. It was the first time she asked me to sing along with her, not that we’d never sung an impromptu duet, we do sometimes, but usually don’t plan or organize it like my youngest did that night.
I knew it wasn’t about the music… It was therapy. It was her way of dealing with the reality of life. She’s learned that we don’t always get what we want in this life…
It was a night filled with hope. A day that had been in the back of her head for a long time. It was a night of trials. It was testing herself. My youngest had watched her sisters navigate the same waters, but this night would be her turn under the bright lights… It was a night of loss…
Our youngest daughter’s lacrosse team made it into the second round of the playoffs via a first round bye due to their record. Records and reputation can only take you so far in this life, then there is a time of testing. There were tears, her head parked in the nook between my chest and shoulder for a little while followed by a return visit later. They were tears of sorrow, but they were also tears of joy… a hard concept for any of us to grasp, even this many years removed from those days that we remember in vivid detail our entire lives.
My daughter knows me too… she knew I was somber and she knows it has little to do with winning or losing. She knows I believe and coached kids to understand that winning is about giving every ounce of mental and physical dedication with perseverance and honor that defines winning… and the winning takes care of itself.
Our little one knows that the reality of another year gone makes me feel the same emotion as she does. I have sorrows, but I also have joy. My love for our little one has nothing to do if she wins or not… If she conducts herself with honor and has fun in the process it’s all good. I can’t help but believe it’s more similar to our Father’s relationship with all of His children.
“Another lacrosse season, huh Babe?” I asked the obvious question rubbing her back before turning in.
“Yeah,” she answered.
“I’m proud of you, Babe.”
“Thanks, dad – goodnight – love you,” she smiled timidly.
“I love you too, Babe, sleep tight.”
Regardless of the number, it’s hard to imagine that night as anything other than a win…
That’s when losing wins…
hazel i moon
Saturday, June 29, 2013 @ 5:08 pm
What a sweet post and time to sing even while suffering loss. Being able to count the time spent with your girls as a win no matter what the occasion.
This one will look good at “Tell Me a Story.” in a few days.
Good one Floyd!
Floyd
Saturday, June 29, 2013 @ 6:44 pm
Awe thanks, Hazel. It’s easier to relate to when you’ve already made the journey isn’t it? It is definitely a win and a time to show our young ones the most important things in life. Thanks for letting me share it at your site, “Tell Me a Story.” I’m always honored to.
Barb Raveling
Saturday, June 29, 2013 @ 5:35 pm
What a beautiful story, Floyd. I can tell you feel completely blessed by your kids. I feel the same way about mine. So thankful for them!
Floyd
Saturday, June 29, 2013 @ 6:45 pm
They aren’t always easy, but they are blessings beyond what I could ever have imagined and God really used my wife to change my life in a big way. Thanks, Barb. We are blessed indeed.
Rachael
Saturday, June 29, 2013 @ 7:53 pm
I think you won that night. You beat the blues of your daughter with your presence, your empathy and your few words. Good job! We don’t always have those “good job” moments as parents. But from one parent to another I say again, “Good job!” I think, by God’s grace, our kids will remember those moments more than the ones where we feel like we really messed up. Thanks for sharing, Floyd!
Floyd
Sunday, June 30, 2013 @ 9:48 am
I agree, Rachael. The “good job” moments are rare, I guess that’s why I cherish this one. Sometimes we tend, or me for sure, to over parent, other times it comes naturally. Thanks, Rachael.
Mia
Sunday, June 30, 2013 @ 4:41 am
Dear Floyd
This is precious beyond words! No win could ever have planted those seeds of love in her heart the way you did that night. I once read that the lows of losing is much more intense than the highs of winning. I am so proud of how you handled this situation in showing her that she is precious way above any yardstick measurements of this world. And you are soo right; our Pappa loves spending such precious moments with us when worldy losing becomes His gain for then we draw so much closer to Him, assured that the things the world applauses is not what matters in His eyes.
Blessings and love to you two
Mia
Floyd
Sunday, June 30, 2013 @ 10:01 am
Well said, Mia. Our Father knows exactly what we need and when we need it. It’s a rare thing to be able to do the right thing so easily, especially for me. The lows turn out to be the highs. Isn’t that the way it is with our Father? What makes sense to the world He confounds and turns upside down. Thanks, Mia.
Betty Draper
Sunday, June 30, 2013 @ 6:33 am
Sweet story, it will get sweeter as she matures and she begins to share her take on winning and losing with her children. I love it when my daughter, now 36 prays with me…cry every time. This was a good post for me to read on a Sunday morning. In about four hours I sing at a memorial service for Ace sister. Memories will flow for it the same song I sang at my mother in laws funeral, my mother has requested it and several others when their time comes.
Maybe you two could sing and someone tape it for you both. I have never been sorry my son and I made a cd together and a couple of film clips. Precious memories, how they ever flood my soul.
Floyd
Sunday, June 30, 2013 @ 10:05 am
Wow… Timing is everything isn’t it? What a gift to be able to sing the words of God to the hearts of the ones He’s prepared to hear. I’m praying for you and your family in your difficult times.
The clip of you and your son singing still rings in my mind. Precious memories indeed. What a gift from God. Thanks for sharing the things that really matter most in life here. God bless you, Ace, and your entire family.
Bernard
Sunday, June 30, 2013 @ 6:53 pm
Floyd, this was a wonderful story that opened eyes to a valuable insight. When you said, ‘Records and reputation can only take you so far in this life, then there is a time of testing’. What you exemplified with your daughter is what our heavenly does with us no matter if we face the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat. As much as I love my boys and share in their experiences, we have an eternal father whose love is greater. Thanks for your powerful words.
Floyd
Monday, July 1, 2013 @ 5:05 pm
Well said, Bernard. I agree, it’s so much like it is with our Father. We all get a turn walking through our own “valleys” in this life. It’s how we are taught and gain honor. Thanks for your always insightful perspective, Bernard.
Rick Dawson
Sunday, June 30, 2013 @ 9:48 pm
My comment is short – but you’ll know it’s from the heart: I wish I’d had a dad like you.
Floyd
Monday, July 1, 2013 @ 5:08 pm
Wow. Those are powerful and generous words, Rick. I’m not sure I deserve that great a tribute, but it is well taken and greatly appreciated. Thanks for the lift.
Michael Holmes
Tuesday, July 2, 2013 @ 7:24 am
I will add to what Rick is saying with this twist: I hope to BE a dad like you…great job 🙂
Floyd
Tuesday, July 2, 2013 @ 9:20 am
Thanks, Mike. I don’t come close to always getting it right, but now and then I really grasp, “less is more.”
Jay Cookingham
Monday, July 1, 2013 @ 7:37 am
Great reveal once again bro’. It’s been the game of baseball teaching the lessons over my way. It’s amazing how God uses the everyday-ness of our life to teach us about His Kingdom. Appreciate your thoughts and your daddy heart bro’!
Floyd
Monday, July 1, 2013 @ 5:10 pm
I agree whole heartedly, Jay. We learn so many great lessons in the simple things of life. It is amazing what we can get and make of those opportunities… well said, Jay. And thanks, brother.
Lisa notes
Monday, July 1, 2013 @ 10:00 am
“Regardless of the number, it’s hard to imagine that night as anything other than a win…”
Aw, such a sweet recollection of a hard time. You’re a very good dad, Floyd. Keep it up! You inspire me to do better myself.
Floyd
Monday, July 1, 2013 @ 5:16 pm
Thanks, Lisa, but I fall down far too often. I have certainly come a long way in learning when to keep my mouth closed… sometimes less is more… a hard concept for people like me to grasp. I appreciate the encouragement.
tcavey
Monday, July 1, 2013 @ 10:10 am
Touching post, thanks for sharing.It’s wonderful to hear of good parenting. I wish the news would show more of this instead of all the bad parenting out there, maybe it would teach more parents how to be parents.
Those moments are tough, so much to learn for both the child and the parent.
Floyd
Monday, July 1, 2013 @ 5:18 pm
You hit the target, TC; we all learn, both parent and child. Sometimes the less said the better which is a tough concept to grasp. May we all be the kind of people we’re called to be as parents. Thanks, TC.
Loren Pinilis
Monday, July 1, 2013 @ 3:05 pm
It’s wonderful how these memories stick with you. Sometimes those losses seem like a body blow at the time but end up being fond memories down the line.
Floyd
Monday, July 1, 2013 @ 5:19 pm
Great point, Loren. What is painful can produce so much later in life. The memories of giving it all never come with regret. Thanks, Loren.
Mike
Monday, July 1, 2013 @ 7:23 pm
It’s awesome when you can be there for your child, and encourage them through times like that. I do get sad though for all the children out there that don’t have a dad to lean on. I know I didn’t growing up, but glad I was here for mine.
Floyd
Tuesday, July 2, 2013 @ 6:45 am
Great point, Mike. My heart breaks too for all the ones who had less of an advantage. It seems as though God knew exactly what you would need to be the parent you are or at least redeemed the lacking from yours. I don’t always do it right, but every so often I get do… Thank God literally. Thanks, Mike.
Pam
Monday, July 1, 2013 @ 7:32 pm
A lovely, tenderhearted post, Floyd. I see the Father in your fathering… and your daughter is as blessed as you. You only leave me with one question – what was the old song? 🙂
Floyd
Tuesday, July 2, 2013 @ 6:47 am
I was wondering if someone was going to ask that?! It was the Cars “It’s All I Can Do.” Thanks, Pam. I’m blessed for the family God has given me. I sometimes stumble, but it almost seems easier in the times that really matter and the ones that I can relate to.
brian miller
Monday, July 1, 2013 @ 7:59 pm
it is very touching…i have two boys myself…and love those moments that just come together like you and her singing and that you recognized it…yeah you won…and you moved that relational bar a bit in a very good way…we need more dads like that…smiles.
Floyd
Tuesday, July 2, 2013 @ 6:53 am
I pray our moments of moving the bar up are more than they are in moving them down. We all get our chance and the heartaches of past losses gives us the wisdom to turn those losses into wins. Only the wisdom from our Father can do that. Thanks, Brian.
David
Monday, July 1, 2013 @ 10:41 pm
Good job, Dad! As parents we wish we can fix things, we want to make everything better. The fact is, we can’t. Sometimes we just have to love our kids through their pain. We know the depth of their disappointment, we know how hard they worked, all to have it dashed to pieces at the final buzzer. But loving them through it, making sure they know we’re proud of them and that their value is not gauged by the number of tick-marks in some “W” column is what matters. I’ve often tended to try and say too much. It’s taken me more than a few tries to figure out that often when it comes to words at the end of some hard fought battle, that less is more. I think you scored a big tick-mark in the “W” column of your daughter’s heart and that’s where losing is a BIG win!
Floyd
Tuesday, July 2, 2013 @ 7:03 am
Well said, David. I too try to use the moments in life as tools for lessons and verbalize it intensity, but now and then I have enough wisdom to keep my mouth shut… it’s a rare time, but needed and a lesson learned for both of us. Thanks, David, you’ve been down this road…
David
Monday, July 1, 2013 @ 10:44 pm
Oh yeah, like Pam, I would love to know what the “old song” is!
Floyd
Tuesday, July 2, 2013 @ 7:04 am
If you didn’t catch it from my comment to her, it was the Cars, “It’s All I Can Do.” Pretty mellow music by today’s standards!
Nancy
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 1:28 pm
Your story reminds me of the way Life is. We plan and plan… The job, the home, or the family we envision may turn out to be less than what we had hoped for, or imagined they should be. As the daily grind takes over, it may seem that we will never reach the lofty goals we have set. . Living life is a lot of work and depending on preconceived ideas of what it “Should” be or not be, the stage for contentment or disappointment is set.
Godliness with contentment IS great gain. Like you, I’ve always to soothe and minister. Mostly praise followed by prayer. I thank God that He allowed us to participate in whatever the circumstance, that we had opportunity to grow in His Grace, and that we can turn all our disappointments over to Him. Only He can heal us everywhere we hurt. We thank God for helping us to set our affections on things above and not on things on the earth. After a while, it became easier for the kids to cast their cares whenever a disappointment presented itself.
It is so special when kids can come to parents for comfort, assurance, acceptance and direction. You did well!
Floyd
Monday, July 8, 2013 @ 2:01 pm
Life has a way of being bearable when we have the correct perspective, doesn’t it? I haven’t always done well or kept my mouth closed when it would have been better to, but every once in a while… every once in a while, Nance. Thanks for the sound of words that have been down the path and led by example… always the best way to teach and lead. Thank you, Nancy.