TRUE LOVE
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Even though it was a movie, it was disturbing and thought provoking for me as a child. The memory is a bit fuzzy, but the incident I recall well. It involved a family, which included a husband, wife, and young boy.
It was a western movie and the family was traveling through Indian territory traveling west when they were attacked. After a short battle, the family was surrounded and their capture was imminent.
As the attackers were closing in, the man took his pistol and shot his child and wife. As a lad, I was quite rattled and confused. I asked my oldest brother, (who probably shouldn’t have been letting me watch it anyway), “How could someone kill his family”? My brother explained simply, “He loved them and didn’t want them to be tortured to death.” The man was captured before he could take his own life and was tortured.
That’s a pretty extreme test of love to be sure. Since that time, I’ve slowly learned that sometimes love is hard… Especially with kids.
Once again I was confused as a kid when my parents told me before good ole fashioned discipline, “This is gonna hurt me a lot more than it is you”! Although out of reverent fear, I didn’t say what I was thinking… “No. It’s not”! – “I’m the only one getting hurt here”!!!
It’s difficult for kids to understand the mind of wisdom. Love isn’t the “feeling” our society has transformed the meaning into. Love is a choice, a discipline, the ascent of our will. I shared some time ago about when my dad wouldn’t allow me to accept a free motorcycle from his best friend, even though that would have been the easiest thing for him to do.
As an adult with an extreme advantage of wisdom from my parents and siblings, I’m baffled by parents who believe love is only a feeling, not a discipline. God himself proves the fact that in His perfection, there is justice which equals consequences in our lives.
I honestly can’t count the number of severely damaged lives of young people I know personally in my life that were made that way by parents who couldn’t grasp that love is hard. That love is not always giving… Sometimes love is taking… I believe that can be the most difficult test of true love.
If a person can’t live with the disappointment of their child for a time to ensure the overall well-being of that child, is that really love of the child? Or is it love of self, not wanting to deal with the immediate consequences that usually accompanies the wisdom teaching process?
If a person lived their whole life not living inside a house, had never witnessed a home with conditioned air, indoor plumbing, the comforts of electricity, and then were asked to clean and care for those amenities, how would they know what to do?
How on God’s green earth can we expect the next generation to have self-discipline when they’ve never witnessed discipline? It’s like sending our children to war with toothpicks! It is insanity, veiled in modern enlightenment.
When a mother threatens a child with discipline, says something like, “I’m gonna count to ten”! Then after five minutes of restarting the countdown, what has that child learned? They’ve learned that lying by their role model is not only acceptable but preferable. That child will not get to witness their role model demonstrating self-discipline.
They won’t get to witness true love… Then again… Love isn’t always easy…
In fact, it can be downright hard… But, that’s what makes it true love…
Monday, November 21, 2011 @ 3:18 am
I totally agree with you floyd. The breakdown of correct discipline is a large reason why the schools have no control over kids, and why parents have no control over their kids. The desire to “be their friend” trumps the “I am the parent and this is the way it is.” How tragic is that? I survived. My children survived. Biblical discipline needs to make a comeback of others are to survive. Good thought here today.
Monday, November 21, 2011 @ 6:58 am
It is tragic. The common sense of the masses seems to be fading to grey. Biblical literacy needs to make a come back in order for the world to find it’s proper order I think. Thanks Bill.
Monday, November 21, 2011 @ 6:43 am
I think our society as a whole has lost sight of what real love is and therefore has lost sight of discipline, sacrifice, etc. It’s extremely sad.
Monday, November 21, 2011 @ 6:58 am
It is sad. What’s even sadder is the destroyed lives due to the lack of true love. Thanks April, good point.
Monday, November 21, 2011 @ 11:27 am
You are right. Children need to see their parents make hard but loving decisions in order to know how to do it themselves one day.
Monday, November 21, 2011 @ 6:17 pm
I know right? It’s certainly not rocket science! I’m not sure why this is so difficult for people to get? Thanks Helen, you boiled that down to a pretty simple line.
Monday, November 21, 2011 @ 4:42 pm
“That love is not always giving… Sometimes love is taking…”
Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever heard it phrased quite that way, Floyd. That is profound. Really.
And it is hard. But love can be that, too.
Thanks for shooting straight with us. Sometimes I want to take the easy way out when it comes to my daughter, but I need to be reminded to stick with LOVE, not comfort.
Monday, November 21, 2011 @ 6:20 pm
Thanks Lisa. I’m with you. It’s easy to give in sometimes, and I suppose there is a time and place for it, but in general the hard thing is usually the right thing.
Monday, November 21, 2011 @ 7:14 pm
Not only is that a good lesson for raising children, but in marriage those who go only by their feelings will find love eroding slowly away. I think love should be a fact committed to our minds because feelings change from day to day. That “fact” will be there through all that life brings.
Monday, November 21, 2011 @ 7:40 pm
That is an excellent point. Very, very, well said. Feelings can betray us depending on our mood for the day and what’s happening in the world all around us. You are one smart cookie, but you already knew that! It’s good to have your input my friend. Wisdom… Who can get enough of it? Thanks for yours Lenna.
Monday, November 21, 2011 @ 7:42 pm
Real love is tough, and that is evident when God loved this world so much he was willing to give us his own son to die for our sins. The parents who threaten but fail to follow through are at fault when their child gets into trouble. Children need and actually want structure and rules. Society today does not understand why they can’t have everything they desire but NOT work for it. Schools pass out good grades when children have not done the work. There will be some very surprized faces on Judgement day, when God says, I never knew you. Sad too.
Monday, November 21, 2011 @ 8:13 pm
Really good fact Hazel. God is the role model for us. While His love shows the ultimate sacrifice, His actions regarding our consequences is the other side of that coin. Excellent point. Well said. Thanks.
Monday, November 21, 2011 @ 7:49 pm
I’m baffled by parents who believe love is only a feeling, not a discipline.
For some reason this line jumped out at me, maybe it’s because it applies to more than just our kids. It applies to love itself, it takes discipline to do just about anything. It takes a lot of discipline to do something we love, or do something for someone we love and do it well. Especially when it involves some sort of sacrifice on our part. I try everyday to love my kids and discipline them in the right way, but I still have a lot to learn. I love to read things that inspire me and make me think, you did a great job on this one!
Thanks again
Monday, November 21, 2011 @ 8:16 pm
Thanks Roger. I have to say, if I haven’t already, your wisdom is beyond your years. You know I’m not perfect, and like you, seeking to learn a little more each day. I’m sure I got as much from your words as you did mine. Isn’t God amazing like that? Thank you my friend, I’ll be looking forward to seeing you before Christmas… I think I owe you lunch.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011 @ 9:16 am
Discipline – yeah, who needs that? Everyone! Love IS discipline. That’s probably why God told us to walk circumspectly , not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time. Our flesh doesn’t get it! It doesn’t want to, because it is uncomfortable
I have a daughter who was willful in her teen years and I had to stick by my guns….. To this day she resents the decisions I made in response to the decisions she made. Her decisions were immature and inappropriate. She has suffered many things, but still blames others….although she IS coming around.
I felt God speak to me and say, “Who do you want to please more…me or her?” That was tough. I had other daughters to raise and since this one would not come in line, (she was presenting them with the wrong example of how to live as well as HOW to disobey and get away with it). she was not allowed to be in the home. She thinks I owe her an apology, but I have examined it and don’t feel there was anything to apologize for. My husband said that this daughter always talks about how she was “kicked out” ( she chose to leave) but she NEVER mentions all the times she came back…LOL!
On another subject….yes, the person who counts to ten does teach children that they can do what they wish until the parent gets mad. We DO actually lie to them and then get more upset when they only do what come naturally….self-fulfillment, self preservation and SIN!
I was just about to make a post about avarice – which I feel follows the thought of this post nicely. I think, this is, by far, one of my favorites from you! Kudos, my friend!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011 @ 6:38 pm
Wow, thanks Nancy. What a nice compliment. Good for you for being strong enough in love to be able to demonstrate what true love really does look like. You’re wisdom never seems to come up short. What a gift from God. Kudos to you and yours as well my friend. And thanks again for your insight.
Monday, January 9, 2012 @ 8:28 pm
When my girls were very little I overheard one mother say to her son, “God did not put me here to be your friend, He put me here to be your mother.” I quickly tucked that in my toolbelt and used it often. Today I enjoy beautiful relationships with both my girls and Moi. We should take our responsibilities regarding our children more seriously than we do; we only have them for a short while.
Great topic, Floyd!
Monday, January 9, 2012 @ 9:52 pm
Thanks Pat. I agree. It’s a difficult topic and one that I can’t say I haven’t failed at more than a few times, but I’m striving. To do the right thing sometimes means sucking up the pain for the interim. Not easy… Not easy at all.