THE THROW DOWN
You’re going to be a complete failure in life!” He said chuckling smugly. I was a little caught off guard, a rare thing even at the not so tender age of sixteen or seventeen I was at the time. “What?” I asked. “I said, you’re going to be a complete failure in life…” He repeated cooly in front of the whole classroom. I can’t remember even doing anything to provoke such a gut punch of a comment.
Our Civics teacher’s classroom had a pretty laid back atmosphere and I actually liked the teacher. There were only seniors in that class so he seemed to be a little more lenient than most teachers, he let us express our opinions. And by this time in my life I was a little too willing to share mine…an intellectual throw down you might say…
When the other students heard the teacher’s comment – my question – and his direct response, the room got unusually quiet, except for the low murmur in stereo of the “Oooooo’s, ” coming from my classmates. I did enjoy having the spotlight and everyone’s undivided attention. I reveled in it. No wonder the teacher probably couldn’t stand me.
“Are you kiddin’ me?” I asked.
“Not a bit…”
“What makes you think you know me well enough to know that I’ll be a complete failure in life?”
“I’ve been around a long time – I’ve seen kids like you – they never amount to anything.”
“Well, I guarantee I’ll be doing better than you in five years!”
“You guarantee it?”
“I guarantee it!!!”
“What makes you think you have what it takes to be successful in life? You’re a kid still in school!” His gloves were all off.
“I know because I know me, and what you think or say can’t change who I am! In five years, I’ll be blowin’ your doors off!”
“Five years, Ha-Ha-Ha! I’ll take that bet!”
“I’m serious!” My face red hot.
“Okay, you’re on – we’ll meet in five years from graduation.”
“Be prepared to lose!” I added with a juvenile confidence he didn’t think worthy of answering.
I thought of my Civics teacher often in the next five years after I graduated high school. I knew some Biblical principles, not humility too well. I was in the first part of that pride journey, the part before the cliff. I knew people were judgmental and sometimes ignorant. I didn’t realize that I too fell into that category.
I think even Christians tend to think we have the wisdom of God and can judge a person by what we believe is truth based on what we can’t see; the heart of a person…
I wrestled with our five-year reunion up until the month before I considering acting like an adult. In time, I would come to realize I can’t judge that man’s intentions on his words alone… He may have very well meant the best… Maybe he did know my type? Maybe he did the best a teacher could for a headstrong and prideful kid? I’m not sure…
With all the wisdom I’ve gained over time… I just can’t begin to know or judge his heart…
Lincoln Parks
Tuesday, May 7, 2013 @ 6:38 pm
You are a BIG man Floyd. You have handled that situation much greater than I ever would have because I feel like I would have wanted to go back and see where he was. When I was reading your story it was like I was reading mine. I too had an eerily similar experience with the same words said to me. Its so funny the affect Teachers can have on students and how it actually scars you, or makes you a better person. However, you are correct we can’t judge their heart.
Floyd
Wednesday, May 8, 2013 @ 10:18 am
Funny how God has called us to walk the same path, isn’t it? When we know our heritage and the limitlessness of our Father, it helps put things into perspective… This one just took me a bit longer than it probably should have. Sorry to hear that you had to go through the same thing, but I know for sure God used it to make the both of us stronger and wiser. Thanks, Lincoln.
Rachael
Tuesday, May 7, 2013 @ 8:35 pm
I will never understand teachers and coaches who spur others on by putting them down. I kind of get the reverse psychology thing. I guess what I do know is that in the end, without Christ, I really would be a big failure despite whatever treasures I stored up here on heaven. To live is Christ and to die is gain. Sometimes we don’t get that until we fall off the cliff enough times. Finally, we learn that following the Shepherd away from the cliffs and laying down our pride and humility, is the way to live life alive. I am just getting this…. Blessings to you Floyd! Rachael
Floyd
Wednesday, May 8, 2013 @ 10:21 am
Wow. Those are wise and profound words, Rachael. Without knowing the truth or the “mysteries of the universe,” all of the beauty and blessings is temporary. For us, it’s just wisdom to teach the others to stay away from the cliffs of pride and keep our eyes on the Good Shepard. Awesome words, Rachael. Thank you and bless you and yours as well.
bill (cycleguy)
Wednesday, May 8, 2013 @ 4:29 am
i wanted to see if you took him up on the deal, but then had to go back and read it again to see you didn’t. So in all humility: where were you? 🙂 Seriously, the pride journey is a long hard one. It took someone calling me an arrogant something or other (can’t remember the word he used) and another year before God brought me down off my high horse humbled me. Yeah, He humbled me. Harshly. I know pride still exists (it is my flesh) but with the Spirit’s help it is held in check for the most part…except when I get selfish.
Floyd
Wednesday, May 8, 2013 @ 10:26 am
Oh yeah, I failed, Bill. If we had a physical way to measure the heart, (God’s not giving us that one!) I’d have been a huge failure. I know my pride still exists too, Bill. But I spend less and less time these days having to climb back up that cliff… Thanks, Bill.
April
Wednesday, May 8, 2013 @ 7:24 am
Having a child who does not do well with negatives like that and will take them to mean that he is a failure now and always will be and who will use that to beat himself up and give up daily, I cannot stand that type of behavior. I obviously do not know all that happens in these types of teachers lives make them say the things they do and don’t judge them as bad people, but I do think that there are ALWAYS better ways to handle things and handling things that way is NEVER the right way. You were blessed you were strong enough to make it work in your favor and not against you.
Floyd
Wednesday, May 8, 2013 @ 10:30 am
You’re right, April. In hindsight I know that I must have been pushing his buttons beyond what he could take. I think it’s paramount for kids, and all of God’s children, to grasp that they are unique and perfectly equipped to do the hard work that will bring about gratification and honor to them and more importantly to our Father who equipped us in love. It was definitely a different world back then… Thanks, April, and tell Stephen I said hi and remind him of God’s truth. I know you will, mom!
David
Wednesday, May 8, 2013 @ 8:59 am
Well Floyd, my guess is your teacher probably forgot all about your 5 year reunion anyway – but you didn’t. Maybe that was his point, he probably knew you wouldn’t forget his words. By causing you to throw down the gauntlet, he set you on a course to prove that you COULD amount to something. Some personalities need to be challenged while others need encouragement and reinforcement. I think the key here is, this verbal exchange challenged you and set YOU in motion and it had an affect that has lasted way more than 5 years. I’m not saying I agree with what happened, especially in front of the class, but it stirred up something in you and again, maybe that was his point. God can use all things for the good of those who love Him.
Floyd
Wednesday, May 8, 2013 @ 10:34 am
Perfectly said, David. I couldn’t agree more. After all these years it still rings in my ears, not in a negative way anymore. I so appreciate your summaries and take aways, David. He did cause me to reach within to fill that gauntlet before I let it fly. And our Father can use all the good and bad in life to benefit not only us, but others that follow after. Thanks a ton, David.
David
Wednesday, May 8, 2013 @ 11:43 am
I’m more along the encouragement and reinforcement (preferably positive) personality type, more like what April described. If my teacher would have said something like that to me it probably would have laid me flat.
Floyd
Wednesday, May 8, 2013 @ 5:09 pm
You know in all the years of coaching I never used the negative approach to inspiration either. It just dawned on me after all these years, it could very well have been due to this lesson in my life. There are enough people out there in the world that are going to tear a person down, a person of wisdom knows that and treats people, kids especially, the way they want to be treated. It’s amazing how far a person can go when someone believes in them… Thanks, for making me use my noodle, David. Good stuff.
Hazel Moon
Wednesday, May 8, 2013 @ 6:09 pm
To speak to anyone let alone – – a teacher to a student is cruel and unthinkable. Words like this can scar a person behone belief. It was a good thing that you stood up to the man, and let him know your thoughts about yourself were a far cry from his ideas. His words did spur you to reach out and make something of yourself, but to many it would have left damage and a cause to drink!! – – or worse!
I am happy that you did not use this negative approach with the girls that you coached.
Floyd
Thursday, May 9, 2013 @ 5:56 pm
Thanks, Hazel. It’s easier to look in hindsight and see that God either causes or allows all things. In this case I think He might have allowed it to take me down a few pegs… Pride has been a life long sparring partner I’m afraid and I’m sure my civics teacher sensed it… if not heard it! It certainly did teach me to coach and mentor in the completely opposite way.
Dan Erickson
Wednesday, May 8, 2013 @ 8:21 pm
But I wanted to know if you actually went back and saw him in five years and who won the bet. On another note, my daughter’s teacher has succeeded in lowering my daughter’s confidence this year because he singles her out too often. It’s only 2nd grade.
Floyd
Thursday, May 9, 2013 @ 6:00 pm
I tell you, Dan. I might have to have a serious talk with that teacher the old fashioned way. I know you’ll use your wisdom to lift her to where she should and needs to be within.
I actually won the bet, I just decided to be a little more humble after the years and let it go. I should have thanked him for the constant support and drive!
I’m praying for your daughter and you, Dan. There’s nothing more important than the little ones…
Ngina Otiende
Thursday, May 9, 2013 @ 6:10 am
It’s so true Floyd, we can’t judge the heart of a person. And I’ve found that not judging is often for my own benefit, am not doing the other person such a big favor. Letting it go lessens the luggage I have to carry, leaves me with a lighter heart. Great post and lesson.
Floyd
Thursday, May 9, 2013 @ 6:03 pm
Well said, Ngina. It is burden to carry or let go… Amazing this gift of free will… I have no ill feelings toward that teacher. I really know that he did me a favor, even if he didn’t mean to. I always appreciate your wisdom. It’s like crossing the “t’s” and dotting the “i’s”… Thanks.
Jay Cookingham
Thursday, May 9, 2013 @ 7:23 am
The power of words… whew! Isn’t good to know that the Father’s words have more weight and substance than any that were spoken over us?
Floyd
Thursday, May 9, 2013 @ 6:04 pm
Amen, Jay. If not for that fact, I may have been even more of a train wreck than I was! Always knowing that He made us special and for specific purposes is a peace that no person can rob. They can hurt us, but they can’t own us… We belong to Him. Thanks, Jay.
Betty Draper
Thursday, May 9, 2013 @ 9:03 am
Remember too well those negative comments from a Dad calling me pitiful to my friends mother calling me trash because I lived on the poor side of town. Also a couple of teacher who never looked beyond what their eyes could see to my hurting heart. Anyone, Christian on not who can rise above those comments I applaud them.
Those comments made me mad and filled me with determination to prove them wrong. I was to learn after becoming a believer forgiveness is more powerful then determination though and hurt turned over to Him becomes a platform to share His unconditional love with others. Nothing is a waste with the Lord. Good post brother
Floyd
Thursday, May 9, 2013 @ 6:07 pm
Profound words, Betty. It all works toward His purpose and prepares us to do the will our Father so perfectly designed… and within a completely imperfect world to boot. Amazing to ponder it… and your words always make me ponder a little deeper. Thank you, sister. Nothing is wasted with our Father…
Mia
Thursday, May 9, 2013 @ 9:08 am
Dear Floyd
This is such a difficult matter; judging another’s heart and intentions. The only way I can truly judge wrong behavior in others and in myself, is to ask our Pappa to fill my heart with His love for them and me, of course. Otherwise, I am ashamed to day, I cannot do otherwise but be judgemental. I have come to realize that Jesus is not in the business of improving us; He is totally replacing us with His resurrected life! Just as well.
Blessings to you
Mia
Floyd
Thursday, May 9, 2013 @ 6:09 pm
Not improving us, replacing us with Him… Wow… Those are soul packing words of wisdom, Mia. I guess it were up to us we’d be what the other person thought we should be… instead of what our Father has designed us and blessed us for. Great one, Mia. My mind and heart is expanding. Thanks.
tcavey
Thursday, May 9, 2013 @ 11:56 am
I’m on the extra slow track for learning humility.
I had an experience like that one with a High School teacher once…I won’t go into the details, but I will say I proved him wrong! This is one time I think God would approve of being proud of proving someone wrong.
Thanks for the chuckle.
Floyd
Thursday, May 9, 2013 @ 6:12 pm
I’m certain the only reason our paths haven’t crossed is due to timing… because I know we’re traveling the same roads, TC! I think it’s a matter of the heart, mine wasn’t near deserving of gloating… It’s so weak in that area, it may never be! Thanks, TC. Glad I could give you a laugh and remind you of your story… I’ll bet with the same exact attitude!
Jason Stasyszen
Thursday, May 9, 2013 @ 4:22 pm
I understand what you’re saying, Floyd, but that’s just sad that he would say that to you or anybody else. I know we all make mistakes and God certainly has redeemed (and will continue to redeem) this in your life, but authorities have power to speak into us whether they or we like it or not. I hope God touched this man or he got out of teaching. His words obviously stuck with you and affected you. So glad you now hear the voice of your Father and walk in what He thinks of you. Thanks Floyd.
Floyd
Thursday, May 9, 2013 @ 6:22 pm
Thanks, Jason. It was a different world back then. You know, I may have been calloused by then, I don’t want to come off as a whiner, but even as a kid with a speech impediment, even adults made fun of kids back then. At least in the lovely place we called our hometown! I think God uses all things to prepare us or teach us. Without question I should have given the man more respect than I did that caused him to go off like that. Uhhh… I was the epitome of a punk, Jason… Some of us have a longer journey than others…
Lynn Morrissey
Thursday, May 9, 2013 @ 6:36 pm
Floyd, as always, I love how you have a plethora of lessons packed in your life suticase, always ready to unfold to share. YOu are just amazing, and with such an incredible memory. I don’t remember much from chilhood or teen years. I do remember the great teachers, though, and they were few and far between. You know truly, this is one of the wisest posts of yours I have ever read. You are a big man and not prideful for not coming to a conclusion. The fact of the matter is that while this seems cruel or mocking on the surface, he just might have been trying to shock you into some kind of action. I’m not sure what your interaction was with him previously, or what led up to his making that statement. But there is a school of thought that emphasizes shock value and trying to jolt people into action, even by making them mad. It did have that effect on you, kind of “I’m going to show him!” attitude. So who knows? Maybe that is what he was attempting. But in the end, you teach us an extremely, EXTREMELY important lesson. We simply canNOT judge. It’s only God who knows the heart. Thanks for a great post!
Lynn
Floyd
Thursday, May 9, 2013 @ 8:50 pm
Thanks, Lynn. I’m with you. If he did mean to encourage, great. If not, God knew exactly what I needed. Either way our Father is above all things even the seemingly small details that stay with a person their entire life. Shock indeed! It got me here, and I have a peace… which has nothing to do with me. And you’re right… the memory won’t sleep… And thanks for the encouragement all over the web today…
Lynn Morrissey
Thursday, May 9, 2013 @ 9:05 pm
You’re so welcome. ANd gosh, you’ve been all over the web too, in response! Thanks so much for visiting Kel’s blog and commenting about my poem about my father. I continue to pray for you as you remember yours!
fondly
lynn
Floyd
Friday, May 10, 2013 @ 6:58 am
Thanks again, Lynn. The poem was beautiful. A keeper to be sure.
Barb Raveling
Thursday, May 9, 2013 @ 9:03 pm
Hmm, you can’t judge his heart, but that was still a crummy thing to say to a kid. I’ve gone back to some of those experiences in my life and truth journaled through them – wrote down what I was thinking at the time and then carried each thought captive to the truth. It has been incredibly powerful and life changing to see those situations through eyes of truth and to talk them over with God. Even though I can’t know what the other person was thinking and feeling, I can usually remember what I was thinking and feeling – and it’s been helpful to recognize the lies I was thinking at the time and replace those lies with truth. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s powerful.
Floyd
Friday, May 10, 2013 @ 6:57 am
I hear you, Barb. In the first manuscript I wrote I included this story and how it affected me and why. I can’t say my immediate thoughts were pure by a long shot. With time and God’s leading things make sense as long as we’re not trying to hide from them. Makes perfect sense to me. And things were a lot different back then. And I admit, I was a complete jerk… can’t hide from that either… Thanks, Barb.
Barb Raveling
Friday, May 10, 2013 @ 10:34 am
I had to laugh when you said you were a complete jerk. I was surprised to find when I truth journaled that it helped to look at how I responded at the time and how I should have responded. It’s a good thing God helps us grow, isn’t it? I remember one teacher in junior high that made me hold a chair over my head for I can’t remember how long because I talked too much and another that regularly sent me out of his class to the hallway because I talked to much. Fortunately, I’ve changed some!
Floyd
Friday, May 10, 2013 @ 4:38 pm
That’s hilarious! Oh man. If we’d have been classmates we both would have gotten kicked out! How I’d love to swap some of those stories! It’s making me laugh just thinking about it. I feel sorry for some of those teachers… they never had a chance of changing us! I too have changed, but I’m like you, I’m still me! Thanks for sharing that, Barb. Too Good!!!
Dan Black
Friday, May 10, 2013 @ 9:56 am
Humility is so important. To stay calm, collected, and humble no matter what happens to us or around us. If something like this happened to me during High School I would not have handled it properly, more than likely I would have ended up taking with the Principle. I really like how you handled the situation, it shows your great mindset then and now:)
Floyd
Friday, May 10, 2013 @ 4:36 pm
Thanks, Dan. You’re quite generous. Humility is definitely the key and has always been my kryptonite. Good thing nothing has any effect on our Father!
Joanne Norton
Sunday, May 12, 2013 @ 7:02 am
And sometimes comments teachers or leaders make like that [or similar to it] is to get the adrenalin of their willingness to grow up in the right direction pushing forward. Not always to “nail” them, but, even when it’s not filled with “sweetness and light” in their tone or expression, to make them think how serious life is. [And most of us would get that reaction you described… whether directly in our faces or in our hearts.]
Good thinking, sharing.
Floyd
Sunday, May 12, 2013 @ 12:03 pm
Thanks, Joanne. I’m with you. In the end, it was his honesty, regardless of how he meant it, that God used to direct my life. It’s all about perspective, isn’t it? Good call.
Jolyn Lamb
Thursday, May 16, 2013 @ 1:16 pm
Hi Floyd,
Its been a while. I was thinking of you this morning. So, I looked up your site. Your words still inspire me.
Jolyn
Floyd
Thursday, May 16, 2013 @ 6:19 pm
How are you? We haven’t seen you around church lately. Hope all is well with you and yours. I miss the old gym days, Jolyn… It’s great to hear from you! Look forward to seeing you too. Thanks so much for stopping by and checking in. Thanks, Jolyn!
Loren Pinilis
Thursday, May 23, 2013 @ 10:24 am
Wow, that’s a pretty mean statement. But then again, you never know if he just had a bad day and was taking it out on you. Maybe he was trying to motivate you?
Floyd
Thursday, May 23, 2013 @ 12:33 pm
I think maybe it could have been a little of both, but in hindsight I couldn’t have been respectful enough to him or he never would have gone down that trail. I guess it worked out either way, which is the lesson on perspective we all need to be reminded of now and then. Thanks, Loren.