THE PENDULUM OF EMOTION SWINGS
I know the routine – I’ve seen it more times than I can recall or count. After getting into my truck, before I could get my seatbelt over my chest, I saw him approaching like an oversized mosquito. I let the seatbelt go in case I needed to be mobile and watched him as he walked toward me, cautiously approaching, and trying to get me to roll my window down.
The dark hair and eyed early twenties kid’s tee-shirt and jeans hung on him like a skeleton. His black hair, not long, but six months past caring. The other kid lurking behind him about twenty feet and hugging my blind side was healthier looking and better kept.
I turned to eye them both closely as I rolled my window down, fully aware of the line of manure that would be forthcoming. “Excuse me, Sir? – My brother and I have to be somewhere downtown and we just need a little gas to get there, can you help us out?” The frail spokesman asked.
I try to help people, I think it’s what we’re called to do. My heart broke for that young man and the other one who wouldn’t look me in the eyes and was obviously not the beggar spokesman’s brother. My compassion wasn’t for them because they were stranded and needed gas – I knew there was no car and nowhere to go… except to the dealer to get their fix.
I struggle to find patience with liars and drug addicts, which seem to be synonymous… The kid’s rotted front teeth in his young head revealed a serious addiction to crystal meth and there’s no telling what those kids would do to get more. The kids forfeited their pride and self-respect long before he began to use his natural personality and charm to con people out of money to support his habit.
The other emotion was anger toward the brazen punk. While God loves him and made him special, he looks like all the rest of the army of youth infected by the drug epidemic in this country. For decades every business I know of personally, including my own, has been ravaged by the mosquito like zombies.
I’m angry that the kid used his free will to ruin his life and most likely his family’s lives as well. His problem in my opinion stems from epidemic that’s plagued mankind since the original sin; selfishness.
Then my emotional pendulum swung back to compassion for a kid whose ruined his life. His chances of a normal life are slim. He’ll have the rarely controllable urge to destroy his body for the rest of his life, good chance he won’t be able to get control of the monkey on his back cleverly placed there by the enemy of his soul and his heart will be shot before he reaches middle age.
I looked at the kid wearing irritation on my face and disappointment in my voice, “No!” I answered. He immediately knew I knew he was a desperate drug addict. What’s worse – I know from experience that you can’t talk to one of the zombies when their mind is chemically altered.
I watched as the two desperate leeches moved toward their next prey, an elderly couple coming out of the coffee shop. I watched to make sure the desperadoes brought no harm to anyone but themselves and lamented the tragic waste of the wonderful gift of free will… something we all have in common…
My pendulum swung yet again as I considered the words, “But by the grace of God there go i.” The words in front of my face that I read daily sometimes still just aren’t enough of a reminder… And my heart breaks again…The pendulum of emotion swings
Those could be my kids…
Linda@Creekside
Tuesday, July 30, 2013 @ 5:06 pm
For sure, without God’s grace that could be you or me or one of our kids …
Floyd
Tuesday, July 30, 2013 @ 5:18 pm
I hear you, Linda. It takes some deeper thoughts on my part sometimes… Thanks.
Voni Harris
Tuesday, July 30, 2013 @ 5:28 pm
Scary to back off and let our kids make their own choices…they will anyway. So hard to make sure they know both right from wrong and to think for themselves before temptation begins to call. For it WILL call.
Floyd
Tuesday, July 30, 2013 @ 5:39 pm
I know, Voni. That causes my emotional pendulum to stick on the side of compassion and hope… We all have to stand before the forces of darkness… I pray for all of our children, God help them… Thanks, Voni.
Hazel Moon
Tuesday, July 30, 2013 @ 5:30 pm
Good Post Floyd. You knew it was not time to give money or even words! Decisions in life, we all have them.
Thinking back, choices, that was all I needed to do was make a few either good or bad, but I was kept by the master who urged me to not make certain choices. I was fortunate. Our Pastor had given us steps to avoid. “This is what they will tell you, but now I tell you the truth.” was what he said. I listened and made decisions. Some around me close by did not hear a word our Pastor said. Such is life !!
Floyd
Tuesday, July 30, 2013 @ 5:41 pm
Great story, Hazel. And look how you’ve been blessed and used by God to breath His love and wisdom into so many lives… Thanks for your obedience, heart, and wisdom shared, sister. That is the words of wisdom the next generation needs to hear.
Lynn Morrissey
Tuesday, July 30, 2013 @ 5:46 pm
No matter how you look at it, Floyd: This is a true tradgedy. But I love how you understand (and have named your blog via this understanding)……there but for the grace of God go I! I am an alcholohic, and I tell you that had not the Lord rescued me, I’d be dead.
Bless you for this warning.
Fondly.
Lynn
Floyd
Tuesday, July 30, 2013 @ 5:54 pm
Thanks, Lynn. I appreciate your honest testimony, you are living proof of the redemption and power of our Father. I hear echoes of the words from your book, “Love Letters To God.” http://www.amazon.com/dp/1590521897 wonderful work and heart, sister.
Lynn Morrissey
Tuesday, July 30, 2013 @ 8:31 pm
It’s all of the Lord, Floyd. I do NOT deserve His grace. I was just thanking Him in my journal yet again two days ago for His lavish grace that He poured on me in another crisis time in my life. I was staggered at the thought. And re: drinking…..I had read in the margins on my Bible (I journal there too!) on 7/15 at the then 25-year anniversary of my stopping to drink, how utterly grateful I was that God showed me to stop and gave me the grace to do this. It’s been 28 years now. How I praise Him for His faithfulness to me!!! You are very kind to reference my book, where I detail my journey with the Lord and how He miraculously used prayer-journaling to change me in so many ways and to draw me closer to Him. He has given everyone the gift of writing, and it is my joy when a Christian picks up his pen to praise the Lord! I know you write your prayers now, and you too are a living testimony to His grace. I thank you so much, Floyd! Please join me in praying for a global Christian journaling revolution!!!
Lynn
Floyd
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 7:50 am
Your welcome, Lynn. Your book is definitely used by our Father to change lives, including mine. I’m praying with you and believe our words that are based on His Word are the most powerful thing on this planet. Thanks, Lynn.
Rachael
Tuesday, July 30, 2013 @ 10:07 pm
So sad. But we need to hear this stuff. Our eyes need to be opened and our hearts need to be praying, for them and for ourselves and for our kids. Sometimes I feel a stones throw away from being sucked into sinful self-destruction. But God is good all the time and in Him we all have hope. Praying for those kids. Thank you for sharing this! Blessings, Rachael
Floyd
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 7:52 am
You definitely have the right heart and perspective, Rachael. It’s so easy to become cynical in the face of flesh and turn the poor victims of the weakened flesh into our enemy. That’s exactly what the enemy wants. I struggle to see that Truth even when it’s right before my eyes. Prayer is the first step. Thanks, Rachael. It’s always good to hear from you and read your heart, sister.
bill (cycleguy)
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 2:29 am
I run the gamut of emotions also Floyd when I see the kids in town or get the phone calls requesting help. It isn’t easy. I see almost daily the devastating effect of divorce on families and realize it was almost one of my mine. I know jesus was perfect and had perfect insight, but you gotta wonder how His heart took it all in.
Floyd
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 8:02 am
I can only imagine what you’ve had to see and be pulled into, Bill. I think the only way for me to try to grasp it is to put myself in the shoes of the person or their family member… otherwise I fail in the flesh in a big way. Thanks, Bill. Nice to know I’m not alone.
Jillie
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 5:00 am
Oh Floyd…This is sooo good! The pendulum of emotions that invade us when we come face-to-face with these situations.
I was having lunch with an old friend of mine, just yesterday, and she was telling me about the yearly get-together with her 4 sisters; how her youngest sister lamented about her boy who is caught in this very lifestyle. Many tears were shed, hugs and reassurance given, and yet we really have no reassurance that a child will be delivered from this terrible epidemic that runs rampant today. “By the grace of God”, my kids did not get into that stuff, although I have had worries concerning my daughter from time to time. It’s a scary world out there today! My heart goes out to parents trying to cope. That young man you encountered could belong to any one of us. Maybe he has a praying Mum, a praying Gramma somewhere out there, raising his name before the throne of Grace. I understand the pendulum, believe me.
Floyd
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 8:06 am
This epidemic has reached all of us. I have good friends with kids that are now trapped in this lifestyle, many others whose kids are now in prison. I know some of those kids well, knew since they were kids, spent time talking about God and His truth to some… and yet they get sucked into a living torment for them and their parents. All we can do is continue to pray for them… We need to have a heart for them as we do our own… that’s the key, Jillie. I know you shed tears as well… that’s the heart of prayer that gets answered. May we “raise their names before the throne of Grace.” Excellent call, Jillie. Our Father hears…
Mia
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 6:05 am
Dear Floyd
I know those guys could be our kids! A year or two ago a young addict in East London kept pestering others foe taxi money with arms full of sores and needle marks . You know Floyd, my heart broke when he asked me and I am at times still praying for that young man. It is sad. What a worldwide problem! South Africa is currently sitting on a ticking time bomb as far as the unemployed youth is concerned. The unemployment rate under the youth of about 18 – 22 is currently 50% percent and rising daily!
Lots os love XX
Mia
Floyd
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 8:09 am
I had no idea… That’s a recipe for disaster! Thanks for your heart of prayer, Mia. That’s the beginning of real change… anything done in the flesh is throwing a thimble full of water on a raging forest fire. We need divine intervention to take back the next generation. Bless you and your family, Mia. Thanks.
Lisa notes
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 6:53 am
“Those could be my kids” – that’s when it gets personal quick. I agree you did the right thing by not supporting their habit. There are other ways we can help but they’re not always easy to figure out. Your heart is good, Floyd.
Floyd
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 8:11 am
Awe thanks, Lisa. My heart struggles with first impressions and tends to jump to conclusions. Only God can make me reason the way I should from the start… If we don’t make it personal we’re not going to affect change. Thanks for the kind words, Lisa. It is a struggle.
Jay Cookingham
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 7:04 am
Been there my friend… when I worked downtown in NYC I came face-to-face when many of these lost souls… praying for insight everytime that happens to me.
Floyd
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 8:12 am
I hear you, Jay. There is nothing else to do… I believe our Father has a plan to clean the hearts of us and the next generation. Praying for revival. It is heart breaking. I know it effects you like it does me. Thanks, Jay.
Mia
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 7:28 am
Sorry, Floyd, what I wanted to add about the youngsters not having work in Sout Africa, is the fact that many, many turn to drugs.
Mia
Floyd
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 8:13 am
Oh I got that, Mia. The old adage about “an idle mind is the devil’s workshop” has much merit. The kids don’t know it at that age, but it’s a blessing to learn to contribute to society and be gratified in work. Good call. Thanks again.
Barb Raveling
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 8:26 am
They could also be us. I’m thankful my drug of choice used to be ice cream, not meth. But yes, so sad, and frustrating. I feel so sorry for kids growing up today with all the temptations they have.
Floyd
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 4:21 pm
I feel bad for them too, but we all had choices to make as kids; good or bad. Part of the problem is the kids have extra money and time that we never had… I fear we’re part of the problem. Can you imagine having a cell phone at the age our children did? How can they not struggle with all that we’ve bestowed upon them… We need to bestow less monetary on them and more expectations… I’m preaching to myself here, Barb. And yeah, it could be us… I have a good friend whose acquaintance is living in her shed… He’s a drug addict whose heart hasn’t given up yet into his sixties… profoundly sad…
Barb Raveling
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 4:47 pm
I totally agree – too much money and time. I was just thinking of this in terms of sending kids to college. The expectation in our country is that the kids shouldn’t have to pay for school – either the govt pays, the govt lends, or the parents pay. I think the kids are much better off if they have to pay a healthy share of it – at least enough to cause them to have to work while going to school. The kids I see who are doing this are responsible mature kids. And no, I can’t imagine having a cell phone at that age – or Facebook for that matter – it’s scary to think of all the trouble I could have gotten myself into! I know every era has had its temptations – but I think this one takes the cake so far. Scary! And to think I thought all I had to do was to get my kids to sleep through the night and be potty trained and I’d have it made. 🙂
Floyd
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 5:44 pm
Agree completely. We helped our oldest two get through college, but they both have loans they’re paying off and both of them are doubling up or more on the payments to get out from underneath them. I’m with you, all things in life have more value when we have to earn them and I’m no different… Thanks for the thoughts, I’m with you all the way.
Jason Stasyszen
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 12:37 pm
Sad and scary, like you said. I know love, discipline, and prayers are powerful things. There are no magic formulas, but we have to prepare our kids the best we can. Sobering post, Floyd. We don’t like to ponder these things, but it’s good for us. Thanks.
Floyd
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 4:23 pm
I hear you, Jason. I need to see and hear it so that it motivates me to try to have my girls, well our youngest now, stay on the course God has planned for her… not the enemy… Thanks, Jason.
tcavey
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 1:36 pm
Your last line floors me. None are except from the temptations of satan. None of us can be lax in praying for our children and in guarding them the best we know how.
Your post reminds me of a few weeks back…we took our son to a different park than usual. This one was more shaded and had different toys. For a long time we were the only ones there but then a car pulled up and out popped two bright eyed kids. Following them were two adults that had obvious signs (like you mention above) of drug addiction. While the kids seemed happy and healthy, my heart went out to them and their care givers. What type of life did they have? I couldn’t help but pray for them and wonder if there was more I could do????
Floyd
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 4:26 pm
Man… It’s like watching a train wreck in slow motion… It’s horrifying, TC. I see and hear the same things all around and yet there is little we can do. The thing I’ve noticed, and I’ve been watching for a long time, is that the parents who are the strictest have the best results, Christian or not. When we hold the bar high our kids will seek it… May we hold the bar for our children as High as heaven… Thanks, TC. I appreciate your heart.
Doug Blair
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 7:00 pm
Nope. No cash for the downward slide.
http://momentsmidstream.blogspot.ca/2009/08/declension.html
Perhaps another time some other sort of help might (by the Spirit) seem appropriate.
Floyd
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 7:06 pm
With you on both accounts, Doug. I’ve tried to help them out before, including people that worked for me. I’ve also tried to reason with them in that altered state… might as well be talking to a stray cat… That communication doesn’t happen to them until they’re at the bottom of that downward slide… Appreciate the heart, Doug.
Floyd
Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 7:11 pm
Doug, read that post. Awesome… What a heart you have… that depiction of the homeless man was heart tugging… Thanks, man.
Rick Dawson
Thursday, August 1, 2013 @ 12:08 am
I read this a few minutes after you published it, Floyd, but I had to watch and wait for my own emotions to swing back to normal before I could respond.
Lynn Morrissey’s story and mine aren’t probably all that different – I don’t know if she added as many pharmaceuticals to her system as I did, but my favorite drug was “more” of whatever I was doing. Once hooked? We’ll do whatever it takes to try to get back to a place we never needed to go… sorry. Quick detour down memory lane for a moment that needs to be written elsewhere 🙂
How do you know when an addict is lying? Their lips are moving.
You handled the situation as well as you could – I’m assuming you prayed for them – the rest you have to leave in God’s hands. It’s hard to watch a slow motion suicide without going through a whole raft of feelings.
Floyd
Thursday, August 1, 2013 @ 10:57 am
I was looking forward to your opinion, Rick. I thought of you when I typed and published it. I’m no expert, but have dealt with many people in that situation. It’s an uphill battle. That’s a great way to describe it, “A slow motion suicide.” And yeah, it was a mixture of anger and heartbreak all rolled into the space of minutes. I pray that the epidemic would cease… While the spirit is willing all of our flesh is woefully weak and we all have one thing or another to work out. Thanks for using patience and wisdom in response to something that is close to your heart and ministry, Rick.
Hutch
Thursday, August 1, 2013 @ 8:25 am
Wow. This really touched me. As I was reading, I was struggling with what I would have done. We are so compassionate as givers; giving, because of what’s been given so freely to us. It’s difficult to see people struggle because of selfishness and bad decisions (I’ve made so many myself and have found grace and forgiveness). All that being said, you were courageous and firm in the decision you made. – Blessings.
Floyd
Thursday, August 1, 2013 @ 11:01 am
Thanks, Hutch. That is really a no win situation for any of us. To see and realize the strength and grip of an addiction with all the lives it touches, even strangers, is to really be at a loss as we fight through our own emotions and ideas of what to do. As Rick pointed out, it starts with prayer… not my initial response of anger. It’s an emotional roller coaster. I’m with you, Hutch. I’ve been the recipient of so many blessings and redemption despite my fallen self, it’s hard to point a finger at others and their particular weaknesses. Blessings to you to, brother.
Betty Draper
Thursday, August 1, 2013 @ 9:02 am
The very thought it could be one of my kids shakes me to the core. I know of several who have kids hooked on drugs, in prison, painful to hear and watch as it destroys all around them. There was a time my husband let alcohol almost ruin our marriage. Praise the Lord for a long suffering God. Ace always reminds me of how long it took for him to come back to the Lord when I get frustrated at our son. It’s a daily battle to stand on truth with Jared but we are seeing God use it to soften his hard heart. We have not paid off his wrong choice debts or made excuses for him as the affects of divorce has shown itself in his life. It does take courage not to feed their wrong choices. Ace always says, we can’t fix them, trying will only ruin our lives. Loving them and forgiving and standing firm on God’s truth will bring more results then feeding their sin. Good awareness post my brother. One that touches all who read.
Floyd
Thursday, August 1, 2013 @ 11:09 am
You really nailed this down, Betty. To live through a place where you have and are doing the right thing, which is always the hardest thing, is the key. It’s easy to give sometimes, but certain times giving is easy and doesn’t show true love. True love will suffer for what is the right thing before God and to all of us in the long run. Ace is a man of wisdom. May we all have that type of wisdom and strength from our Father. What a wonderful testimony, Betty. Paying for wrong choices dooms them and their spirit to fight their way off the bottom. I’m praying for Jared. I’m joyed to hear that the prayers on his behalf are beginning to be manifested in his life. God sometimes has to let the ones He created extra strong be broken before Him before He lifts them up to His will. Blessings to you and all your family, Betty. Thanks as always for sharing your wisdom and heart along with your life to used to teach and encourage others. I’m grateful.
Bernard
Thursday, August 1, 2013 @ 9:11 am
Great post. Floyd, you do a great job of writing each paragraph in a way that draws you in and makes you feel like you are the one in the scene. I felt the pain of seeing those young wasting their lives away. I felt the anger of this young man making the decision to forfeit his gifts and talents for another quick fix.
Floyd
Thursday, August 1, 2013 @ 11:12 am
We’ve all been there haven’t we? Riding that emotional roller coaster as we watch gifted people throw their talents into the fire. It’s hard to watch knowing there’s not much we can do. It’s like seeing the coming crash and not being able to do anything about it. Thanks for the kind words, Bernard. I know you’ve set in the same seat, not a comfortable one.
Dan Black
Friday, August 2, 2013 @ 11:28 am
This reminds me of a time when I was getting gas and a couple youth pulled into the gas station. One of them jumped out and asked for some money for gas. I don’t usually give out money due to most times they spend it on the next fix. This time, for whatever reason, I felt led to give them $5. I felt good about it and the person got back into the car and drove off (without getting gas). I was angry for a minute until I heard God saying, I told you to give the money so don’t worry about where it goes. Great post Floyd!
Floyd
Friday, August 2, 2013 @ 5:06 pm
Great story, Dan. I’m with you too. Sometimes the spirit is completely different even when we know the outcome. Good for you for being obedient. Thanks, Dan.
Hazel Moon
Saturday, August 3, 2013 @ 5:00 pm
I read this again when I saw you on Rick’s Saturday Shortcuts #10
You did the right thing!
Floyd
Sunday, August 4, 2013 @ 8:02 am
Thanks, Hazel.
Loren Pinilis
Tuesday, August 20, 2013 @ 6:02 am
This makes me think of the swarm of emotions that God must be feeling when he looks at us. I may not be a crystal meth addict, but by his standards I make some horrific decisions every minute of the day.
Floyd
Tuesday, August 20, 2013 @ 11:30 am
Good point, Loren. I can’t point a finger either. I just have different weaknesses and a better foundation from the beginning… Otherwise it could very well be me… Thanks, Loren.