THE MONSTER IN THE MIRROR
I’m not much of a sailor, except for that one time in junior high school I stole that sailboat, but I savvy the sailing lingo fairly well. Sometimes a few words can sum up what a picture or a thousand words can’t, no matter the time spent trying. It’s remarkable how well a simple adage can describe perfectly what we’re trying to express, like the lucky folks who buy the right vowel on Wheel Of Fortune.
“You nailed it”, or “You hit the nail on the head”, are carpentry terms that have come to mean far more than the accurate swing of a hammer. No one needs to be a fisherman to savvy the phrase, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea”. You get the idea.
Back to my seafaring thoughts: For the better part of six years I’ve been writing, pushing, learning, and have written hundreds of thousands of words in the form of this blog, writing assignments, and three and a half manuscripts. But sometimes life… get ready for it… “Knocks the wind out of your sails”…
I’ve come up empty. And while that isn’t entirely new, the desire that always seems to summon a fresh breeze has gone missing. That is new for me. My desire must have fallen in the deep waters when I blinked at the emotional strike delivered to the core of my soul…
This life is full of surprises and not all of them have the intentions or effect of a surprise birthday party. All of us know that people will let you down in this fallen world, yet we all get “Blindsided” once in awhile. Yeah, another overused analogy. No wonder it’s so popular; it describes the synopsis perfectly.
Sooner or later every one of us gets crushed by another that has a soul cage wrapped around them and we respond typically in our flesh – What we know instinctively.
Our first reaction is grief, but it doesn’t take too long for the wicked desire of revenge to explode from our heart like a snarling and fire breathing dragon. We retaliate sometimes and the fire used to pay back those that hurt us blown with vengeance from our hurting and twisted mouths, leaves us singed by our own poison.
Betrayal is grisly. As repulsive as it is, and we’re all quick to condemn the trespassers, we rarely stop to consider the monster in the mirror…
There’s another old saying that has some merit, “I’ve seen the enemy, and it is us…” While the quote isn’t fully accurate in that we’re duped by the real enemy of our souls, it makes the razor sharp point that we’re all fallen, even if that wasn’t the intent when that famous southern fella’ wrote it the first time.
We betray our Father daily with each sin. Maybe they’re not all out lies or deceit, but we’re deceiving ourselves if we think we’re above anybody else or our righteousness earns us a seat on a different boat… we’re all in the same one.
As our Father forgives betrayal, we too are called to forgive. If He forgives us, how can we not extend that trait that points to and proves we have His true love in us?
I don’t know when, but one of these days I believe the wind will return… and my sail and heart will be filled again. I pray yours will too…
bill (cycleguy)
Sunday, November 16, 2014 @ 6:46 pm
I too go through those extremely dry times when I feel empty, drained. The wind has been taken out of my sails for one reason or another and I find myself longing for a respite. Then along comes Jesus reminding me disappointment isn’t always bad or the end. You will be refreshed my friend. I know it. He promised it.
Barb Raveling
Sunday, November 16, 2014 @ 7:22 pm
You’re worrying me, Floyd. Hope everything is okay!
hazel Moon
Sunday, November 16, 2014 @ 8:45 pm
So sorry you are getting this gut punch about now. And being drained doesn’t help either. Betrayal is difficult no matter the source, and time doesn’t always heal it either. Through it all – Jesus was betrayed and lied about by experts and the story continues touching each of us in its many ways. He was able while suffering to say, “Father forgive them for they know not what they are doing.” We say, sure they knew – but actually they had no idea. May God take up your end of the bargain and fight for you. Thanks for sharing your heart.
TC Avey
Monday, November 17, 2014 @ 10:11 am
Don’t give up. Waiting for the wind to return to our sails can take longer than we’d like. But waiting isn’t a passive enterprise. As we wait we can grow in other areas.
Sometimes we need the wind to die down so we can focus on other things, things that need our attention but were being put on the back burner.
And sometimes we don’t even know what it is that needs our attention because we’ve been so blind to it.
But God is faithful, He will reveal His timing and His plan to you. Praying for you, my brother. “Hang in there”
Sharon
Monday, November 17, 2014 @ 11:45 am
Floyd, whatever is going on, I want you to know that those of us who know you – well, we love you. And we are here praying for your heart hurt. Details are not important, we just know that you’ve been dealt a blow, and it’s got you in the doldrums (also a sailing term!). I am reminded, though, of how the Holy Spirit came upon the disciples like a rushing wind. This is what I pray for you – that you will once again be filled with the restoring power of His holy wind. That your “sails” will be filled and unfurled in all their glory. That you will face the sun and soon find yourself clipping along at a steady pace.
Dry seasons in life are difficult, but sometimes very necessary in the process of what God is trying to achieve in our lives. I pray that He will hold you close while He works in your heart. And, I sure hope you continue to write. I find that writing is a valuable way to work through the issues.
GOD BLESS.
(He is the anchor that holds fast in the storm…)
Pam
Monday, November 17, 2014 @ 2:46 pm
Sayin’a prayer for you, Floyd. So sorry for this struggle you are enduring. My friend always reminds me of the adage, “If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.” You always minister to us, Floyd. May God use the challenge to strengthen your faith and increase your ministry, as only He can.
Lynn Morrissey
Monday, November 17, 2014 @ 7:10 pm
Floyd, these words pack a whallop, but sadly, a gut-punch to you. I”m so sorry about whatever it is that has capsized your boat. Admittedly, I don’t know much about boats, and I can’t even swim. But I’m reminded of something that I wrote in my book (the one you like, the one that was rejected numerous times and FIVE times by the very publisher who ended up publishing it when they said no one would even read it!)…..I’m reminded what I wrote about water in that book–what Sheridan’s swimming instructor told her–that the water would hold her up. And I make the analogy that when we write, the water of our words will hold us up. It’s my prayer that you will plunge right back into the water, knowing that the water of your words will hold you up, allowing you both to express this angst, but also to keep writing–never to stop writing. You have such a God-given gift that He continues to use every time you pick up your pen, every time you strike a key. These words will be carried by the stream of Living Water exactly where He wants them to go. And no betrayal can prevent that.
Praying for you dear brother in the Lord.
Love
Lynn
Betty Draper
Monday, November 17, 2014 @ 7:49 pm
My brother, after reading your post I sit for a while thinking, what could I say that would encourage you. You know truth, have lived it, felt the punch before yet once again you must go through the ramifications of being punched. Nothing we can say lessons the punch, only He can. We can have your back in prayer. He will not let you stay there lifeless from whatever has taken the wind out of your sails. He is the Master of the Wind.
Joanne Norton
Monday, November 17, 2014 @ 9:22 pm
As you know, I often say “Life Gets Complicated.” I’m sometimes filled with joyfulness because I’ve been forgiven, but I’m also filled with brokenness when I see the worldly acceptable sinfulness increasing and so many people are heading that way. Our enemy dragon has put so much on so many hearts that most of the time they don’t know what they are heading into through eternity. So, I turn to the Lord and lift up many as I can. AND I try to avoid sinfulness in a seriosity way, b/c when I’m heading to heaven, I don’t want to have to go through piles of cleansing. Thank you for sharing so clearly, dear Brother.
Loren Pinilis
Tuesday, November 18, 2014 @ 10:41 am
The exact same thing has happened to me on many occasions. For me personally, I view it as a calling – so I pushed through. Eventually the wind returned.
Dolly@Soulstops
Wednesday, November 19, 2014 @ 10:06 am
Floyd,
I am so sorry you’ve experienced betrayal…praying right now that God will comfort and encourage you and that you have space to process your grief and anger as a prelude to forgiveness…don’t rush the process (I only say this because I have in my desire to forgive and be done with it)…let God do His deeper work in you (1 Peter 2:21-25)…in your pain, you get to experience a little bit of Jesus’s suffering and in that process, you will become more like Christ in your character as you move toward forgiveness.
Prayed for you.
child of God
Wednesday, November 19, 2014 @ 12:56 pm
Spiritual Warfare.
You must be on the right path for the enemy to be attacking you so fully. You just need to spend time in worship and His Word. Lifting you up in prayer.
Father, mighty Awesome God, surround my brother Floyd in a fire hedge of protection from the destructive thoughts of the evil one. Soak him in Your blood Jesus and set his soul on fire for You God. Send, Lord, Your mighty Word into the depths of his mind and just love on him. Thank You Father for hearing and answering! In the name of Jesus Christ I ask and pray. Amen.
Blessings brother, continuing to pray.
Jason Stasyszen
Thursday, November 20, 2014 @ 10:38 am
Forgiveness is every single day. I had to take some time yesterday to forgive someone. It’s not easy at times. People hurt us or our family–sometimes intentionally and most the time not intentionally. Doesn’t matter though, forgiveness goes with freedom goes with relationship, both to God and man. I’m with you, Floyd! Thank you.
Caleb Suko
Friday, November 21, 2014 @ 3:42 am
Floyd, thanks for sharing with us about the struggle. I think if we’re all honest we experience it more than we’d like to admit!
I wrote about something similar in my life a couple of years ago. You’re title “Monster in the Mirror” reminded me of this poem I wrote. I hope it’s in some way an encouragement to you.
http://sukofamily.org/theres-a-monster-in-my-basement/
Nancy
Monday, November 24, 2014 @ 10:57 am
“Peace, I speak peace and restoration in this situation. I thank you Father for Your great love and mercy toward Floyd. You, oh Lord, are The Greater One and it is Your plan for a man that will stand! I say that Floyd develops Hind’s feet in high places. Infuse him with resilience, and surround him with those who will build him up, and not tear him down. Open his eyes and heart to wherever the Spirit is leading. Strengthen him and turn his attention to the banqueting table your prepared for him for such occasions as this according to Ps 23. Someone once told me that my own response to someone who wished me ill, would be the indication of my continued need for God to work in those areas in me. I didn’t like that but I see the value of that wisdom now. Strengthen Floyd’s resolve and his faith as he casts those cares on you. If the pathway has changed, make it plain. Soothe and heal disappointment. You alone are Lord and there is none else beside You. Empower Floyd even as he reads this prayer. Embolden him with might on his inner man. In the Name of Jesus, we say it’s so and we say it’s done. Amen
Dan Black
Tuesday, November 25, 2014 @ 11:36 am
To be forgiven requires that we forgive others. This does not mean we have to fake not being hurt or scared but to do our best to forgive the person and move forward with our lifes. Great post!
Doug Blair
Thursday, November 27, 2014 @ 2:17 am
Read Habakkuk Floyd. Powerful 3 chapters. Where is God? Chastening whether we like it or not; and at the hands of wickedness too. Oh, there will be an aspect of personal guilt as well. Always is. We are still in the flesh. Just remember Peter on the beach in John 21. The 3 denials. But Jesus is only heard to say, “What about now Pete? Do you love me now?” And the fresh breeze comes. Samuel Rutherford, the great Scottish correspondent of the 1600’s, wrote a lot of stuff for these times of desertion, and the glorious coming out..Doug