My parents called me stubborn. I guess parents sometimes feel obligated to choose their words carefully when describing strong traits of their children. My siblings weren’t that politically correct.
I’ve stood in defiance toward just about everything in my life at one time or another. That included God as well. In a world where the golden rule was more, “He who has the belt makes the rules” ruled the day, so off to church we went. Under duress of course…
How does a person develop a habit or pattern of discipline and perseverance unless made to as a child? Especially in strong willed kids? Just sayin’.
I accepted Christ as my saviour at a very young age. Then again 6,429 times thereafter… (sarcasm). I had fear that could make me doubt what I couldn’t fathom as a kid; the free gift of salvation that had no bearing on my performance as worth or value.
I valued other things… namely myself. My problem was and is the same as most everyone in the world and the reason we live in a fallen state; selfishness. This trait has followed me around like my shadow my whole life, from childhood into adulthood.
The things I set my sights on to accomplish in the way of my profession and business were built on the foundation of pride, selfishness’ twin brother. My life was the epitome of the perfect legalist. I knew the rules, I could speak somewhat intelligently of doctrinal issues. I would quote scripture to support the hammer I was using to win a theological argument.
All the time living like hell… I guess there aren’t much uglier things in life than a person speaking of God, living in contrast to God, and pointing fingers at the world and other Christians.
I went through relationships unfulfilled by my lack of respect for anyone, including myself. I moved at light speed using the exciting things that call to the flesh to drown out the calls of God from within my wild heart.
As much as I hate to admit it, in my ignorance I tempted God. As crazy as it sounds I could feel the hand of God covering his reckless child as I risked my life, the lives of others, and left up to “fate” the consequences for all my actions. I was on a path of insanity, living the same actions over and over, expecting different results.
At the same time, I was struggling in business and was delivered a death blow by the IRS. Some of the things I’d done, while justifying it as survival, had brought me to the end. It was the most devastating thing in my life. That’s what happens when a person’s pride and ego are the core values of who they really are.
I was broken, finished… I lay alone in a one bedroom apartment with worn out filthy carpeting, my face smack in the middle of it as I cried out to God… I was finally broken.
That night changed my life, and it hasn’t been the same since. At the time, I couldn’t think of anything worse that could happen to me. Now I see it was the hand of God that set me there, then picked me up. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. In less than a year, God gave a miracle and delivered me from the mess that I’d created.
God broke the wild beast in me, He then led me to my wife and family. He poured out His blessings on a prodigal son, He’s given me a feast and celebration that I couldn’t fathom in a dark world.
You might say I’m living proof God is still in the business of miracles.
My guess is that you are too…