THE BEAT GOES ON
I see the pain on their faces. I can see and faintly smell the sweat. I see the physical struggle to do more, be more. Others are talking, laughing, and generally socializing – some for a few seconds, others for long periods of time.
I can feel the vibration through my body of someone dropping heavy weights on the floor. The expressions on the people’s faces vary with what it is they’re doing. I see suffering, grimacing expressions that give way to relief, followed by gratification, some to the point of a smile.
I can see it all, but I can’t hear them. I’m listening to my own personal music with headphones filling my ears. My body is there, but I’m not there. The music has taken me someplace else.
Sometimes it takes me back in time to revisit places I’ve been and people I’ve known. Often the only place they remain are deep inside. I experience the same emotional expressions on the inside that I see on the faces of the others in the gym through the music.
Sometimes I grimace on the inside of my soul with regret of something I or someone else has done… and the beat goes on.
Often I feel relief from that forgiven pain inside that’s similar to the pain on the outside. I’m stronger on the inside, similar to how we can grow stronger on the outside with each beat. Other times I think about the present life and all the actions that have brought me here.
I smile as I struggle on the outside pushing myself through pain for the benefit of my body, and the music carries me. Then there are times when I contemplate the future. What will life look like down the road? How will our children turn out? I will be older, but will I be old? The music pushes me along.
Here I am surrounded by people in a very public place… and yet I’m all alone. What I can feel in that moment is foreign to where I am. I board the mental cruise ship and meander the waters of a past, present, and a future life powered by the motor of the music that locks me inside by myself.
The music plugged in from the outside has sealed me inside my mind. The only thing that can save me is a changing song or someone approaching on the outside.
Specific times call for us to to hit rewind, to be stuck inside a song that is stuck in time retelling our story. The lesson is needed, so is repeated over and over to remain trapped in time while real time slips ahead.
I think God can use many things in life to teach and remind us. Music and technology are but two.
While I would never condone living in the past, I believe our past, when remembered and understood, can be the map used to navigate life in the jungle of our minds that translates into avoiding being lost in real time.
We might need to unplug from real time and all the distractions to travel back to when we learned the lessons that can be applied to our lives every day. Sometimes from that distant perspective the narrow path that can be sometimes difficult to see becomes ever so clear.
I see them approaching, I reach up, grab the line of the headset and pull it off. I hold it in my hand. “How ya doin'”?! he asks. I pause, regather my thoughts from far, far away, wipe the sweat from my forehead with the sleeve of my left forearm and answer, “I’m good”! – “How you doin'”?!
I don’t tell them where I’ve been, they think I’ve been there the whole time. I was in a place no other person can go.
I think I’ll visit again real soon…
As long as my heart beats… The beat goes on…
Lisa notes...
Wednesday, October 19, 2011 @ 8:24 am
I do the same thing when I put on my headphones. It takes me to another place. Same as when I’m in the car by myself and can sing as loud as I want with no one hearing. Just me and God.
“As long as my heart beats… The beat goes on…”
I keep hearing Sonny and Cher singing… 🙂
Floyd
Wednesday, October 19, 2011 @ 9:33 am
I was wondering if someone would make that connection! Although I don’t mind the old song, it wasn’t the inspiration for the post. I’m the same way, music especially when I’m alone takes me to other places. When I have headphones in I can go to other places despite being in a crowd.
brad gore
Wednesday, October 19, 2011 @ 9:35 am
I know exactly where you are coming from. I know what your thinking, yeah right. I’m there when I’m doing jigsaw puzzles. Makes sense now, huh. Its a great post.
thx
Floyd
Wednesday, October 19, 2011 @ 11:32 am
Thanks Brad, c’mon, I don’t know too many people busier than you! I also happen to know you are quite introspective… Jigsaw puzzles! Good one!
Alyssa Santos
Wednesday, October 19, 2011 @ 10:58 am
Hi Floyd 🙂
I love how you described the setting (without ever saying you were at the gym!) Great description, wonderful truth. It is true that we get those weird moments of solitary thought where we recall a truth or a time that brought us to where we are presently. And, we can ponder anywhere, and should, because life is precious and should be considered, mulled, examined a bit… thanks.
Floyd
Wednesday, October 19, 2011 @ 11:34 am
Thanks Alyssa! Welcome back! Hope you’re recovering from your accident. You’ve been in our prayers. God has you in His palm..
Hazel
Wednesday, October 19, 2011 @ 6:11 pm
Yes, one can be in a crowd and yet be alone. Those thoughts that hit us with YOU SHOULD HAVE NOT DONE THAT are alarming. Then the Lord tells me that is in the past and is forgiven, and forgotten as far as I am concerned. I repent again, and He tells me it is gone and that He loves me.
Excellent post and your heart beats true!
Floyd
Wednesday, October 19, 2011 @ 6:17 pm
Thanks Hazel, I can’t think of a nicer thing to say to someone than that. I pray that my heart does beat true and honor God. May He continue to bless you and yours.
Bt
Wednesday, October 19, 2011 @ 7:04 pm
A very interesting post … interesting to think about how each of us commute with-in our own life. I assume you’d agree that the current moment is the only thing that really exists. The past and the future are equally irrelevant in the presence of now. But the solitude or social nature that we each find comfort in, is the current place that we need to enjoy the now. Your solitude commute with music is the place that you enjoy and works for you. While others need the social interaction to find their comfort. Music allows one to commute back in time and allows us to remember and reflect on our past. The value of the past is relevant only to the now and as a guide to our future. There are times that we need to withdraw from our social interactions , taking time to be alone, to rejuvenate our energy and renew ourselves. The gym is a great place to do that! Bt
Floyd
Wednesday, October 19, 2011 @ 8:46 pm
Thanks BT, you know it is that for me… You know, because our souls were created in the same department. The alone times mean as much as all the other times because our minds never rest…
Voni Harris
Wednesday, October 19, 2011 @ 8:48 pm
Your post made me think of the rhythms of life. Time alone, time with those we love, time in public.
Floyd
Wednesday, October 19, 2011 @ 8:52 pm
Thanks Voni, I think you said that quite well, “The rhythms of life.” That is our gift from God. Our rhymes are unique to only ourselves… What a concept.
Danelle
Thursday, October 20, 2011 @ 4:48 am
Hi Floyd,
I came over here after seeing you comments over at Alyssa’s corner. Your post reminded me of how we should remember lessons learned and grace given. . But then, after we have been in a place no one else can go (our own thoughts) we must take off those headphones and be fully present. Wipe the sweat. Be His hands and feet.
Beautiful.
I plan to subscribe here. I love tue transparent voice in your writing.
Floyd
Thursday, October 20, 2011 @ 6:58 am
Thanks Danelle, I agree, the easy part is to spend time where no one else can come with us. “Being His hands and feet.” Well said my friend.
Pat Bowling
Tuesday, October 25, 2011 @ 8:40 pm
You know I always say the first thing that comes to mind…
“We are sojourners…aliens…not of this world.” 1 Chronicles 29:15
I find myself wandering off also – often.
Floyd
Wednesday, October 26, 2011 @ 8:44 am
Why am I not surprised? I appreciate your instant response, it’s always provocative. I think to be able to write we have to wander off into our minds…