THE ART OF GOODBYE
It seems like a pretty simple and straightforward form of communicating, but like most things in this life, there’s always more to the story than meets the eye. I’ll be the first to admit that, in general, women have a different definition and practice at it than men, but not all the time and not when it really matters.
There’s the basic obligatory and mannerly “goodbye” or “bye” that we use on strangers and acquaintances, then there is the veteran “goodbyes” that can be an art form all unto themselves. You might even consider the art of goodbye a ceremony that folks that care deeply for one another participate in when exiting one another’s company.
It happens often like a ritual passed down from generations of artists who have honed the craft and art of saying “goodbye.” It’s almost like a series of three to five-minute rounds and the goodbye bout can last up to twelve rounds for the very voracious veterans venting valor to valued vanguards… yeah…
The goodbye masters are like gunslingers, stating with intention their plans, “It’s late, I better get going.” This is akin to the boxer standing in the corner of the ring shadow boxing, trying to stay warm, but the endeavor hasn’t even begun yet. This announcement is really like the warning bell to let us know the real bell will be forthcoming.
The visiting of ones dear to our hearts continues, questions asked, questions answered, information offered, memories recounted, small talk exchanged and important topics lost track of while time has slipped by. The “goodbye slinger” threatens again, “Oh it’s late, I really need to get going… but that doesn’t rouse anybody from their chair; only the amateurs think that means anyone is going somewhere anytime soon.
After a fashionable time has lapsed the “goodbye slinger” nonchalantly rises while still fully engaged. This is the part of the goodbye process that involves actually moving toward the front door at the speed of cold molasses. If the home is equipped with an opening from the kitchen to the hall that leads toward the front door, this will be skillfully used by the master of goodbyes like the weary traveler uses the rest stops along the highway.
The conversation continues as if the dignitaries involved are wise fathers at the gate of the old Biblical cities read about in the OT. Oh so slowly the dance begins towards the front door, first the hostess leading, then the non-anxious visitor slowly and artfully turns as if poetry in motion to take the lead and position closest to the door, but alas there will be many more turns and lead changes before the pay dirt of the front threshold is achieved.
After the awkward door is finally pulled open the “goodbye” transfers to the front porch, where weather permitting, might be best equated to the halftime of a football game where all involved can get a bathroom break.Β After the start of the second half and the slow dance to the car door is finally reached, the visitors wave their hands as if waving pistols, often hugs and the goodbye is stated and truly meant for the last time.
It’s fun to make light of crazy quirks that have turned into traditions, but time spent with people we care about and God has placed in our lives should be cherished. When they’re done – we’ll never have had enough of them…
I know…
Lynn Morrissey
Saturday, August 31, 2013 @ 6:06 pm
Floyd, this is a very different post from you, and I love it. I can’t tell you how often my girlfriends and I have tried to say good-bye, only to be kicked out of restaurants, whose owners trying to close. Sometimes, they’d furiously click light-switches off and on, broadly hinting that we needed to leave. Other times, my friends and I say good-bye at my entrance foyer, the proceeding to the front porch, front walkway, and finally the driveway, extenuating our good-byes all night long. Women not being able to say good-bye even led to a ministry for me that is more than thirty years running. I used to host Bible studies in my home, and would (kindly!) boot the women out at 9:00 pm b/c I had to get ready for an early rise the next morning for work. One night I noticed a group of them gathered outside my house under the circling illumination of a street lamp. So…… I felt guilty, and decided I needed to provide them opportunities for fellowship beyond the Bible studies. Thus LILIES was conceived. It’s an acrostic that stands for Ladies In the Lord In Every Situation. Annually, I used to host Christmas and May luncheons where we’d feast on food, fellowship, and fun. It morphed into my giving a talk and engaging professional musicians to accompany our caroling or “hymn-ing.” Eventually, I had to cut back to just a Christmas luncheon, but we are still meeting, all because the women didn’t know how to say good-bye. Of course, there are very sad good-byes at gravesides and sick beds or with unexpected moves or military deployments overseas. I think God created us to be hello people, and I rejoice that on the other side, God will be saying hello with a long, extenuating eternal welcome!
Thanks Floyd for a wonderful post
Fondly,
Lynn
Floyd
Sunday, September 1, 2013 @ 9:09 am
That’s so cool that this tradition led to an organized ministry! Good for you! I shouldn’t be surprised! I appreciate how you see opportunity in every situation, that’s a gift all unto itself. Thanks for sharing that story, Lynn. Gives the post a deeper meaning and takes the subject to a whole new level!
Mia
Sunday, September 1, 2013 @ 6:31 am
Dear Floyd
This is an international art, I think. We might find different nuances in the different countries. Like in South Arfica we get that goodbye coffee that start with the last cup of coffee in the lounge and ends with the genuine last cup of coffee in the kitchen. In my family in particular, the last-touch-nix game then starts out side between the children and the adults who are still like children. This is another few plus an extra few minutes before all the children are strapped in their car chairs. When you get home ou need to inform them of your safe trip home and then the visit often continues on the phone. Floyd, I want to ask you a big favor! I will to be able to write a pst this week and was wondering if you would be interested in writing u guest post for me to publish on Monday the 9 th. Please, no pressure.
Blessings XX
Mia
Floyd
Sunday, September 1, 2013 @ 9:17 am
The art is definitely an international affair! I like that it even goes past the physical and into a phone call to finish the official “goodbye”! That’s the way our Father made us, to interact and intercede in one another’s lives. What a gift… It’s easy to tell the greatest gifts from Above; they can’t ever be measured by a number…
I’d be honored to guest post for you, sister! I’ll email you for specifics. Thanks for adding to the tradition, Mia!
Mike
Sunday, September 1, 2013 @ 9:39 am
I can’t tell you how crazy this makes me sometimes. π My wife will ask me, “Are you ready to go”? If I answer yes, I get up say my good byes and head for the door, only to find myself at the door by myself. My wife has studied this art form you’re talking about and is good at it. I have since learned to say to my wife, let me know when you’re ready to walk out the door. π
Floyd
Sunday, September 1, 2013 @ 10:01 pm
My brother…. ! How alike we are! It’s almost scary! My sister leaving one night from our house prompted this post, but what I realized is that those times can and most likely will be the ones we cherish most. I’ve learned… check that… I’m learning to keep my mouth shut and look for the lessons in-between… It ain’t easy being me and you, huh brother? Thanks, Mike. I was ready for a smile…
Betty Jo
Sunday, September 1, 2013 @ 10:10 am
Floyd your creative mind comes up with some of the best blog posts, and this one is stellar. I definitely recognize the lengthy goodbyes, and my poor husband suffered through many, like Mike mentioned. I don’t like goodbyes at all, especially the sad ones. As Lynn said in her comment, God made us Hello people! And won’t our Heavenly Home Hellos be incredible? A friend and I both have been sick. She was able to visit yesterday, and we hadn’t seen each other in a month. I wasn’t about to say goodbye, just “So long for now!” I nearly followed her home as she left. It scares me just a little when someone even mentions Goodbye on a blog. You’re not about to stop blogging are you? I truly pray not; I just found you.
Floyd
Sunday, September 1, 2013 @ 10:12 pm
Don’t begin to fret, sister! I’m like, no… I am that little brother that you drove you crazy, but you’d be crazy without… No… I’ve found my niche. To tell and share the story of my Savior with my brothers and sisters in Him? Not going anywhere, Betty Jo. I’m praying for you and your family and lifting you up in prayer for your healing and joy! You’ve had plenty of sorrow… if we let our perspective be on this flesh we have nothing but sorrow… but we have TRUTH and HIS PROMISE! Tomorrow we rest with our loved ones, but today we rejoice in the path that our Father has chosen for us… and He chose us to walk in it peace… May His peace be in you, my sister. My broken heart is lifting you up in His name. Your humility brings me wisdom and peace, Betty Jo. Thank you, sister.
Betty Jo
Monday, September 2, 2013 @ 4:47 pm
Thank goodness, you’re not leaving! Funny you should mention being “that little brother.” I told a friend the other day that you remind me so much of my real-life younger brother! Thank you so much for your prayers; that means so much. When I can, I plan to email you Floyd, if that’s okay. It’s been on my mind for a while, but wanted to check with you first. Amen to these words lil’ brother “today we rejoice in the path that our Father has chosen for us.”
Floyd
Monday, September 2, 2013 @ 5:14 pm
Well, that’s a very nice compliment, Betty Jo. Feel free to email me anytime, sister. Glad God caused our paths to cross while we’re down here, nothing is by chance. May we honor our Father as sister and brother in Christ. Thanks, Betty Jo.
Hazel Moon
Sunday, September 1, 2013 @ 2:16 pm
A hug and perhaps a kiss on the cheek, and alingered good bye is experienced by most of us when company leaves. When the good bye is a time to say farewell untill we meet again, we linger longer, because this may be the last time on earth that we visit this one. Thanks for sharing this at tell me a story.
Floyd
Sunday, September 1, 2013 @ 10:15 pm
This post is going to end up harder than I ever expected, Hazel. Not goodbye. Never goodbye to our family in Christ. Well said, just farewell… Can you imagine how we’ll be connected not just in this flesh, but forever in eternity as like minded children of our Lord? I grieve to not “linger longer…” one day, sister… Thanks, Hazel.
Caleb Suko
Monday, September 2, 2013 @ 2:03 am
I think every missionary including myself is familiar with the art of goodbyes. We say a lot of them. I’m already mentally preparing myself to say “goodbye” to a bunch of people as we go back to the US for 10 months. It will be difficult as always.
Floyd
Monday, September 2, 2013 @ 10:25 am
Wow. That brings this subject under a whole new Light… Those are the type of “goodbyes” that take a piece of the heart with them… Thanks for adding this perspective, Caleb. Serious stuff…
Dan Black
Monday, September 2, 2013 @ 9:38 pm
Great point about “mentally preparing yourself for the goodbye” that’s something we all should remember to do.
Floyd
Tuesday, September 3, 2013 @ 11:34 am
Yep, and we all need to be reminded of that fact I think, Dan. Thanks!
Dan Erickson
Monday, September 2, 2013 @ 7:36 am
Oh, I know exactly what you’re talking about. It’s nice when those we love linger as we may not really want them to go. But I also know people who annoy the heck out of my because they wear out there welcome and linger a bot too long.
Floyd
Monday, September 2, 2013 @ 10:26 am
Too funny, Dan! I love the way you don’t sugarcoat it! Those are usually the uninvited guests I’ll bet!
Dan Erickson
Monday, September 2, 2013 @ 11:05 am
Yes, like Barry. I love him. He’s a great friend, but back in college he used to come by most every evening. I had to turn off the TV and tell him I had to go to bed to get him to leave.
Floyd
Monday, September 2, 2013 @ 12:08 pm
Gotta love the Barry’s of the world!
Dolly@Soulstops
Monday, September 2, 2013 @ 11:20 am
Hi Floyd,
This was delightful…loved all the imagery…”the speed of cold molasses”…it is such a gift to be with loved ones, and it is so hard to say “good-bye” especially when they live far away…Happy Labor Day…hope you’re able to rest with family, friends, and “good-by slingers” π
Floyd
Monday, September 2, 2013 @ 12:11 pm
Thanks, Dolly. Happy Labor Day to you and yours as well. We’ll be saying our “goodbyes” to the California coast in just a bit and headed back to Arizona… yeah, I’d like to stretch this goodbye out for a couple more days!
Betty Draper
Monday, September 2, 2013 @ 4:51 pm
Like Caleb we have had too many goodbyes in the years we have served overseas. You leave you family when you go and sometimes you know one may not be there when you return. Same as living in the country you serve in. As dorm parents in Bolivia we watch how tough high school guy said good bye to their parents as they returned to the jungle. Two class mate during my son high school years died, that’s was hard for the guys who never got to say good bye who were there. No goodbyes in those situations. I was amazed how the guys handled those death. To them it was like their friend was on a furlough and would be back next year. Goodbyes are such a part of everyone life, some of heart wrenching and make it hard to adjust to the next place you live in. Goodbyes carry a grieving process, to deny it only cause later problems.
Those long goodbyes are full of love though…full of missing even before they are gone. Full of can’t wait till we can get back together. I use to tell my kids, just think there are people all over the world who will not be missed by someone…you are loved because you will be missed. Being missed is a sign of being blessed with people who love and accept us. I do look forward though to no more goodbyes in heaven.
Floyd
Monday, September 2, 2013 @ 5:20 pm
I can only imagine how grand your heart has grown and expanded by grieving for your loved ones on behalf of our Father. That is making the most of a lifetime, Betty. What a legacy you and Ace have knitted together. That’s great advice to tell our kids, think I’ll use that one. “Being missed is a sign of being blessed with people who love and accept us.” That’s a “Wise Heart”, sister! All your loved ones you’ve left behind and said “goodbyes” to are really just “see you laters.” Thanks for that perspective of wisdom, Betty.
Ngina Otiende
Monday, September 2, 2013 @ 9:22 pm
This is soo funny Floyd! I’ve never seen this ‘art’ described this way before..and now that i have, i feel for my husband!
He’s learned to offer a gracious “let me know when you are done”. Even when am on my feet ready to get out of the door.
This has helped me walk a mile in his shoes today!
Floyd
Tuesday, September 3, 2013 @ 11:33 am
Or sit a day in his seat! Thanks, Ngina. In the end the time is really time well spent and the times we can’t get back or remake. I need a few lessons from your husband I think!
Dan Black
Monday, September 2, 2013 @ 9:40 pm
Great perspective here. I’ve learned some goodbyes are easy while others are very difficult. I really liked the comment Caleb made about preparing self mentally for the goodbye, that’s wisdom.
Floyd
Tuesday, September 3, 2013 @ 11:36 am
I hadn’t thought about it from the perspective of our missionaries, Caleb and Betty, and Betty Jo. That was an eye opening perspective. Those are the wise ones with the hearts to match. With you there, Dan.
Jennifer Dougan
Tuesday, September 3, 2013 @ 11:50 am
Hey Floyd,
Grinning at the gun-slinging goodbyes here. π Our family has drawn out hugs and goodbyes too. I love it.
Re your comment on my post “Restoring Romance in a Rushed and Running World,” a cup of coffee with your wife in the morning is a great tradition. π My man is a chai drinker, and concocts it near me some mornings too.
Have a great week.
Jennifer Dougan
http://www.jenniferdougan.com
Floyd
Tuesday, September 3, 2013 @ 5:34 pm
Those are the type of “goodbyes” that we’ll never regret. Kinda like the little traditions that we take for granted. Thanks for the reminder, Jennifer.
Lisa notes
Tuesday, September 3, 2013 @ 1:33 pm
This is cute. I agree there is often a huge chasm between how men give good-byes and how women do. My father-in-law wins the contest of quickest good-byes ever, but I have some women friends who take at least 30 minutes to an our before they’re really gone. π
Floyd
Tuesday, September 3, 2013 @ 5:37 pm
I’m guessing you fall somewhere in between! People that cherish the long goodbyes seem to be a little lighter… something I could stand to work on! Thanks, Lisa.
Bernard
Tuesday, September 3, 2013 @ 7:16 pm
Loved the post. One of the toughest goodbye’s I had to mentally prepare for was when my friend was dying of cancer. The last time I saw my friend I knew that would be last time I would see him in this life. It was tough because we shared some great time together. When I prayed with him for the last time I whispered goodbye.
Floyd
Wednesday, September 4, 2013 @ 10:33 am
Oh man… What a bitter/sweet farewell. Not goodbye, but “see you later.” That is an amazing gift to be able to do that, but tougher than imaginable. Thanks, for sharing that here, Bernard. God bless you, brother.
child of God
Tuesday, September 3, 2013 @ 8:24 pm
You must have a few Jewish friends. π My Jewish friends will take about 1-2 hrs to say goodbye. It starts off in the kitchen with an we need to be going and then about 2 hrs later after meandering through the living room, then hallway, doorway, porch and driveway, we are finally at the car waving goodbye.
Jewish people, at least the ones I know, have fine tuned the ‘goodbye’ into a whole visit of itself.
Blessings,
Floyd
Wednesday, September 4, 2013 @ 10:35 am
Exactly! I do have some Jewish friends, but I think it’s a tradition to many of us! You know it’s a long one when you have to take bathroom breaks!
Jason Stasyszen
Wednesday, September 4, 2013 @ 9:13 am
I’ve had so many times like that, and even though I really did mean it (that I needed to get going), that extra hour or two I spent has never been a regret. I have been shocked when I got in the car, maybe even a little concerned about what I had to do, but I was filled rather than drained. Funny how in your great description, I can recall all the feelings associated with this and it feels like a warm blanket around me. π Thanks Floyd.
Floyd
Wednesday, September 4, 2013 @ 10:39 am
Well said, brother. There is never regret for time spent showing our love to others and how important they are. That’s the way our Father designed it. Thanks for the kind comments and kind heart shared.
Rachael
Saturday, September 7, 2013 @ 11:43 am
You have slowed down the process so much that it actually feels like I was there. Actually I have been there, many times, saying goodbye while making every moment count. There really are those people that you just can’t get enough of, who you hold close and dear to your heart. Excellent literary rendition of this process, Floyd!
Floyd
Saturday, September 7, 2013 @ 12:02 pm
I’ve been there as well. I don’t do it as much as I used to, not sure that’s a good thing. One thing is for sure, we never regret time well spent. Thanks, Rachael. “See you later!”
tcavey
Monday, September 16, 2013 @ 12:47 pm
Another post that brings up memories for me, Floyd (you’re good at that- wink).
When the day drew closer for my dad to depart this life for his eternal one, I found I couldn’t say the very words I had forced everyone closest to him to say, “goodbye”.
Instead, each time he closed his eyes or I left the room for a brief moment, I would say, “I’ll be seeing you.”
Which was true, it was my hope and prayer then and now. Someday, I’ll be seeing him.
Floyd
Monday, September 16, 2013 @ 2:23 pm
I know what you mean… and your dad knew it too. Maybe see you later is really better after all? I mean, we will see our dads later! I have a feeling it will be like the blink of an eye… Thanks, TC. “See you later…”