SOMETHING STUPID
image courtesy of photo bucket.com
Repost from Nov 2010
We listened to all types of music around our house when I was growing up. My dad liked old country. Artists like Hank Williams and Johnny Cash were his favorites. My mom’s taste was on the other end of the spectrum. Some of her favorites were Tom Jones, Neil Diamond, and Boots Randolph.
My brothers and sister were like most young people at that time who listened to pop/rock. The Beatles, Credence Clearwater Revival, and Jimi Hendrix were some of what they preferred at that time.
Being the youngest (and smallest) put me at the end of the turntable line for dropping on one of my favorite 45’s, Winnie The Pooh.
I naturally developed an appreciation for all kinds of music. One of the songs I enjoyed as a kid was Frank and his daughter Nancy Sinatra’s “Something Stupid.” The chorus was perfect for a child whose favorite word was “stupid.” I was thrilled to hear a song use the word I usually reserved for my siblings.
For the younger readers that might not have heard the song, the chorus is; “Then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like I love you.”
I was in complete agreement at the time. Saying I love you wasn’t in my vocabulary back then. To be honest, it took most of my life to come to the point where I could say those words with comfort. Even now I don’t say it as much as I should. I blame Ole Blue Eyes for my unwillingness to use the term. After all, he is “The Chairman Of The Board.” (Another nickname for you youngsters) How could I argue with him?
The Bible says that “Love is patient, love is kind.” I certainly didn’t have a lot of those attributes at that point in my life. In truth, I struggle with them still.
Our youngest has taught me a lot when it comes to this department. Since she first learned to talk she never let one day go by without saying to me or her mom, “I love you.” What does Frank know?… I guess he knew how to sell music…
My wife and I were headed out of town last Friday. My niece and her husband had just arrived the night before for a one night stay over before heading north to hike the Grand Canyon. They hadn’t had much sleep so we had encouraged them to sleep in. My wife was taking our daughter to school where after she was going to spend the weekend with Grandma.
A few minutes before she left I told her to be as quiet as she could heading out to the garage so as not to wake up Toni and Chris. She got busy packing her backpack and I guess in the excitement she forgot about our sleeping guests. As she was heading out the garage door, she yelled back to me in the kitchen, “I love you, Dad!”
I quickly answered, “Thanks for being quiet!” The garage door shut before I could say anything else. Immediate regret… Talk about stupid… I quickly headed for the front door to catch them before my wife got out of the garage. My full-blooded Italian wife has something in common with another Italian besides Sinatra, that is Mario Andretti. She was pulling down the street as I got to the front door.
That’s the first time I didn’t tell my little one, “I love you too … Who’s stupid now? I texted her immediately, “I love you too,” and “Who loves the Gurmy Girl”? She didn’t have her phone on. She unlike her dad follows the rules and doesn’t turn her phone on until after school. Those are the school rules.
I was bothered all day. That afternoon I got a text back, “You do!” In answer to my question. Love is patient, love is kind, love is forgiving. Thank God she’s not like her dad. I have something stupid to say: To my wife, kids, family, and friends. For all the times I didn’t express myself, I’m sorry and…
I love you.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 3:03 am
I’m the opposite Floyd. I have never had trouble saying those words and still don’t. Nothing rings sweeter in my ears than to hear my now grown daughters and now my grandson say those words.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 12:55 pm
I’m with you, Bill. While I didn’t start out that way, I am all in now. Those words and actions are one of the sweetest gifts from God I think. You are a blessed man, Bill. We all are. It’s not perfect, but God has shown us His amazing grace. Thanks, Bill.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 5:04 am
I love your honesty, Floyd. I think that’s why so many of us can relate to you. We see our reflection in your words.
Just the other day I was sharing with a dear friend whom I trust implicitly. My mom died when I was 19. She died a long, horrible death after suffering for many, many years with Crohn’s Disease. Because she was so sick most of my life – and heavilly medicated – she didn’t treat me lovingly. Ours was a love/hate relationship.
The last time I saw her alive, I was standing at her hospital bed. She grabbed my hand, and said words she had never once spoken to me, “I love you.” I stood there in silence. I did not respond. I did not say, thank you or I love you back. I was too shocked to utter a sound from my lips.
A regret to this day. But, a life-lesson learned!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 12:58 pm
Wow… As hard a lesson as that was for you, I see how God used it mightily in your life and your families lives, Diane. That moment God used His sovereign love to bless you and the ones whose life you would impact from then on. I’m thankful for your honesty in sharing that story. And blessed that you share that heart from our Father with everyone here. It is a blessing to all of us. Thanks from the bottom of my heart, sister.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 3:53 pm
Your vulnerability and truthfulness allows othrs to do the same. Thank YOU, Floyd!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 7:46 pm
Thank you for doing the same, Diane. Your comment today went straight to my heart… That’s one of those bitter/sweet memories… Good, but painful. Bless you, sister.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 6:52 am
Floyd, I said it before and I’ll say it again: your writing is good. It’s honest, from the heart and creative. You tell good stories. This post nearly made me choke up. It’s funny, growing up we didn’t say “I love you,” at my home either. But with my daughter, it’s said everyday, somedays many times. Even when I’m frustrated and mad as heck at my daughter at bedtime, I still let it go and say “I love you.”
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 1:01 pm
Dan, I know for sure we grew up in the same type of disciplinarian style of love that mostly left us wondering. I was fortunate to have my mom and dad change the style. I haven’t talked to my mom in decades now without saying “I love you, mom.” Nor did I with my dad. It is a blessing to share that blessing. I know you could relate to this. We share many similarities, that’s why I so enjoyed your book and spirit. Thanks, Dan. I appreciate your insight.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 8:18 am
Well done!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 1:02 pm
Thanks, Brad. You know I’m prone to mistakes, but I’m prone to confess them quicker than ever! Thanks to God… Wisdom comes slowly to some!
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 10:48 am
It would be nice if more individuals actually meant those 3 words when they said them!
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 12:29 pm
That’s a valid point, Diane. But many of us mean it even when we aren’t completely in agreement with the person’s actions. Having as big a family as you have, I’d say you learned that a long time ago!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 8:18 am
Well done!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 8:19 am
Well done!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 8:19 am
Well done!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 8:33 am
It’s funny the power that those little words can say. I think it’s not so much the speaking of the words as when you can tell they honestly are coming from a loving heart and are communicating truth. That’s a beautiful thing.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 1:03 pm
It is a beautiful thing, Loren. I can’t think of many better things in this life than the simple pleasure of sharing a love with ones God’s entrusted and blessed us with. I agree. Honesty is what makes it resonate with the soul. Thanks, Loren.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 6:24 pm
So, let me guess.If you would have written the song that day, it would have been Called, “And The I Go and Spoil it all, By saying Something Stupid”…LOL! LOL!
You are so funny…I know one time my kids had worked really hard cleaning the house for me and what did I say when I came in? “You guys! You forgot the dust balls in the corners” Yeah really loving. But I never hesitated to tell my kids I loved them. Like Diane, my bio mother was very ill my whole like and very self-preoccupied. It was hard to feel that I was loved by her or my way-too-busy father. I made up my mind not to be like them! Aren’t we funny?
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 6:40 pm
I love you Nancy!
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 12:11 pm
What a blessing you two are to me…
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 7:50 pm
Yeah! That is exactly what my statement was; stupid! I just answered Diane, and I have to say, while deeply sad and humbling, without your past you wouldn’t be who you are today without the tough times as a kid… Bitter/sweet. God is perfect redemption. Thanks, Nancy. You’re more than funny, you’re wise and carry a heart sent from our Father…
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 6:43 pm
I never cared for Frank, so his stupid song wan not on my hit list. I can’t actually remember my dad or my mother telling us that they loved us, but they showed it. At least they did not yell, I hate you, which would really be bad. I am glad you are not tongue tied and can say those words, now to your family and loved ones, that you love them. Your sweet daughter had to wait half a day to find your text message, but it made her day! Great Post Floyd, and I love you!
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 12:13 pm
Awe… Thank you, Hazel. You know me – I’m a little slow, but once I catch on I hold on tight! Thanks for your kind words, and I love you too, sister!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 7:17 pm
I had an issue with a neighbor as a young married and a new houseowner. I called my dad for advice, and the conversation turned into just chit-chat. Then it was time to hang up. I said “I love you.” He said “I love you, too.” Or maybe he said it first. I don’t remember. And we hung up. The next day I got the call he’d passed away, totally unexpectedly. Quite young. I’m a little hyper about saying “I love you.”
Blessings,
Voni
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 12:16 pm
I’m a little speechless, Voni… That is one of those bitter/sweet memories too. God put it in your hearts to be sensitive to His spirit and share the thing that matters most in this life; love. Good for you for being obedient. God shows His mighty hand over this cosmos with acts just like yours. I’m so thankful you shared it, it’s powerful. God bless you and all of yours, Voni.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 7:19 pm
Boy my message was a downer compared to yours, now that I look back! 🙂 Actually, it’s the whole idea of keeping short accounts with those dearest to us, not a panicked “I love you.” A real one.
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 12:18 pm
I guess I was a little panicked. I just didn’t want the last words, even if just the day, to not be reciprocating the thing that matters most in this life. Lesson learned…
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 1:49 pm
The important thing was: Even if the text never got to her and floated around in the air forever, she lives her life in the context of your very real love for her. It was already more than words to her. So you can cut yourself a break. 🙂
Still, for us to say those words is so vital to those we love.
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 1:55 pm
You’re right, Voni, I just don’t like to fail at those type of things and usually don’t. When I was younger I didn’t care too much about failing. Time is short and those words of love carry one long after we’re gone of which you can testify. Thanks for cutting me a break!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 8:59 pm
Floyd, this is hands down the best post of yours I’ve ever read–not just because it is written with beauty, poignancy, and honesty, but because readers need to hear this message. I remember the (stupid!!) movie, “Love Story.” The memorable one-liner from that flick was, “love means never having to say you’re sorry.” I don’t agree with that, but I do think that love ultimately means saying “I love you!” I’m not sure why people struggle with that so much, and especially men. My beloved father, who hailed from Depression Days, could never say that to me. I knew he loved me because of all he did for me, and because we had a great rapport. But how I longed to hear those words. I write about this in my book, but I begged my father to write me a letter expressing his love for me. It took him five years to get around to doing it, but finally he did; and at the end of his five little note pages, he wrote, “I love you!” I cannot tell you what joy broke loose in my heart. I wept when I read that letter. I treasure that letter. And just this past summer, five years after his death, I read his “I love you” and wept afresh. It stirred my soul in a way that I can’t explain. Daughters, I think, especially need not just to know their fathers love them, but they need to hear it. I told that to my husband when our daughter, Sheridan, was born. And now he never fails to tell her. I hope that your readers will follow your example, Floyd, which is anything but stupid!
Blessings and thanks,
Lynn
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 12:25 pm
What a great story, Lynn. Men tend to believe the lost world and that saying “I love you” shows weakness. The opposite is true. Security in who we are, especially as Christians, allows us to show the strength of sharing our heart regardless of risk. I believe you’re right on all accounts, Lynn. I try to tell my girls often that I love them. I don’t do it as much as I should with the older girls… I’ll use your prompting to change that starting today. Your wise words carry deep wisdom and strength, Lynn. Thanks for sharing your life and heart here. It helps all of us. God bless, Lynn.
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 4:20 pm
You’re such a wondeful man and father, Floyd. And if I might be so bold…..the next step could be writing each one a letter, telling her *why* you love her. It’s something that your daughters will treasure for the rest of their lives! (Can’t recall if you have sons, but if you do, it would apply). Ok. End of sermon!
Fondly
Lynn
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 5:58 pm
No – you’re right. I need to do that and want to. I get busy and forget those things that are so important. I appreciate the reminder. After all, who wouldn’t want to hear that truth? Good call. Thanks, Lynn. Just because are loved ones know we love them isn’t a reason to not tell them. And yes, they’re all girls.
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 7:26 pm
Floyd, this is a brilliant quote,and I hope you will write it in your journal for safe-keeping: . Just because are loved ones know we love them isn’t a reason to not tell them.
This is exactly what I was trying to tell my father. Yes, we can show love and that is very, very important, but we need to say it, too. Jesus is the Word who showed us HIs lavish love, but God also *tells* us He loves us in His Word! When we “say I love you” (or write it down as the case may be) we emulate the Lord! Your girls are in for a real treat!!!!!!
Friday, March 1, 2013 @ 2:48 pm
Thanks, Lynn. I guess there’s proof that even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while! I actually got it from your words and boiled it down to the simplest of expression. I do that pretty much all the time to be able to remember wise things as easily as possible. And thanks for the guidance about what should be more prominent in my life. A good reminder. Thanks again, Lynn. You’re the best!
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 7:23 am
Love is patient. When you said that the only thing I could think about was in my study I just recently read.. Be slow to anger.. These are powerful words that anyone can take to heart. Love comes from so deep within and its amazing to see just how much those words mean. Powerful..
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 12:26 pm
Great call, Lincoln. I tend to let my mouth go before my mind… Bad habit. I’m getting better, but God’s not done with my heart. Thanks, Lincoln.
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 6:36 pm
Trust me, you are not alone. I am the same way and working on it daily.
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 6:41 pm
How did I know that about you! You and me, Lincoln… Brothers from another mother!
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 8:08 am
Another great one Floyd 🙂 Thanks for the repost.
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 12:28 pm
Thanks, Ngina. Congrats again on your new book! It will be used as iron to sharpen iron.
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 5:11 pm
Amen! thank you 🙂
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 5:58 pm
My pleasure.
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 10:56 am
I totally knew that song! I had a piano book called “Love Songs of the 60’s and 70’s.” I’d teach myself all the classics, not knowing they were classics. Then when I’d hear them on the radio I was so surprised because they weren’t like I thought they should go!! But I chose that one early on because I got to sing the word stupid over and over…it was so great!
Another great story from you, I was with you as you rushed out the door and as it nagged you all day…so glad she finally wrote back and put you out of your misery. Great writing.
Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 12:32 pm
Not surprised that you too liked to say that word! It was definitely a burden, but our little one has a great heart and is quick to forgive and forget. An honest mistake that should have been overlooked and even appreciated was blown by me… Not the first and probably won’t be the last, but I’m learning slowly… Thanks, Audra.
Friday, March 1, 2013 @ 9:14 am
How did I miss this great post….love reading all the comments. Since I did not grow up with words such as “I love you” it was important after waiting 12 years for our first child to install these three words into our children. Our daughter and son never leave us that they don’t say, I love you and us to them. Now our grandchildren are picking up the pattern. God does restore what the locust have eaten.
It is our common love for our Savior that draws us to read this post and comment. Thanks Floyd for using your gift to help us express ourselves. Blessings
Friday, March 1, 2013 @ 3:03 pm
I can’t think of kinder words, Betty. Many of us generally write about the things that we struggle with. The common thread of course is that we all struggle in one way or another. I can’t express what a blessing from God I get in the fellowship with my brothers and sisters here. The wisdom and words from you and others pick me up, strengthen my spine, and bring honor to our Father… That’s what it’s all about. Thank you for being so willing to share your gift of encouragement with all the people in your life. God’s love shines through us.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013 @ 2:16 pm
Oh, again, you and I have too much alike: much, much good; some, some iiiisssshhhhyyy!
I did enjoy hearing about your music. When Dave and I married he heard country more for the first time, I heard more classical. He can accept country pretty well [and Johnny Cash, Marty Robbins, Jim Reeves, and piles of others were my favorites]. The only thing I can’t accept very well, ever, ever, ever of his favorites is jazz. Dave Brubek, “Take Five”, was the only one I’d always liked.
Anyhow, sure you’re a good dad. Different than I am? No texting. SO, can’t give “Sorry” comment so quickly.
Bless you.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013 @ 5:19 pm
I have to chuckle. You and I are so alike! I’m with you on jazz too. I love all music, but jazz just doesn’t float my boat! We mess up, but God forgives and so do our loved ones and we gain wisdom… Our boat should be over flowing by now!!! Thanks, Joanne.
Thursday, March 14, 2013 @ 8:39 am
Something no one ever gets tired of hearing……. Especially a wife and daughters! Too many generations before us never said those 3 very important words… Good for you for recognizing and turning it around!
Thursday, March 14, 2013 @ 10:56 am
I’m sure I don’t say it enough. I’ll use this as a reminder for me to do just that. Thanks for the insight, Peggy. I always appreciate when you drop in. God bless you and yours.