SECOND CHANCES
I’ve heard it said, “You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone.” Joni Mitchell’s use of it almost ruined it for me, but like all good adages, they outlast all of us and stand the test of time.
While I get the wisdom in those simple words, they don’t take into account the precious gift of redemption. I was all business with the older daughters, from coaching them in lacrosse to teaching them to drive. It was all about results… and it’s worked well for them in their professional lives, not that it’s due to me. I’m proud of them and their accomplishments.
But time has a way of catching up with the skewed perspective of a younger person. That old adage doesn’t take into account second, third, and fourth chances. Not to mention that sometimes the ones who got slighted along the way gain something from seeing a change in the life of another, especially someone we love.
Seeing changes in others who we’ve spent time with can make us feel like we were part of the journey that God uses for wisdom and redemption. I’ve witnessed changes in my parents – although great parents, wisdom and life, especially when seeking God, has a way of changing folks for the better.
I thought about them a bit deeper a few weeks back when the youngest and I were on an excursion that started with an excuse for her to practice her driving. Enter; Barnes And Noble… no idea where she gets her love of reading and writing…
She looks at books, I cruise the aisles and escalator around the magical place like a kid in a candy store. I eventually maneuver my way to the $4.99 CD section as well. “You wanna get a coffee and walk around?” the youngest asked me. I thought for about a millisecond, “Sure,” I answered.
The sun was losing its zeal over the edge of the earth as we walked around the desolate outdoor mall, not too fast, I can’t make too good a time in flip flops. It wasn’t that many years ago I didn’t even own a pair… wouldn’t have worn them in public if I did.
My little one and I strolled the streets, up one side and down the other. We talked about the birds in the massive ficus trees fighting for their spots as they were bedding down for the night. She told me about the marshmallow roasting station that was there the last time she and her girlfriend were at the corner as we passed by it.
Apparently I did really miss out on something… No do-overs for the big girls or me… We talked about nothing and everything, one of those long comfortable conversations that you have when no one has an agenda… the kind that makes even bad decaf taste good.
We listened to and talked about the music being piped into the overhangs and trees throughout the outdoor mall. My little one asked questions – good ones, about things she’s just discovering. She pays better attention to things than I did when I was her age, by a long shot.
I think sometimes God gives us second chances. Sometimes we get to live long enough, experience enough, to know what we’ve got before it’s gone. I’m sad for what I missed when it was right in front of me, even with my wife’s urging, but I’m grateful for another chance.
As we listened to our five buck CD, her favorite track over and over, like I do mine, as she drove us home, my little one blurted, “Oh my gosh! – I’m just like you!” I didn’t say anything, I just chuckled…
and pray it’s the older me…
Wednesday, March 19, 2014 @ 6:18 pm
Beautiful!! You brought tears to my eyes. Aren’t kids wonderful in how they teach us things? Age has a wonderful way of mellowing us out. You seem like the type of Father a girl really wants to have and I’m sure you will be the very best grandfather ever!
Blessings brother.
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 6:44 am
Age does have a way of bringing us wisdom and mellowing us. Kids are wonderful. Testing, but wonderful! I’m far from the perfect dad and my wife will probably make me a better granddad than I could be otherwise! There seems to be a theme here! Thanks, and blessings to you and your family.
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 5:54 am
You trying to make us all cry this morning, Floyd? It’s working! 🙂 Your daughter sounds like a chip off the old block–what a blessing to the world. I know God will use your story to help many of us take better advantage of the times we have with our kids. Wish I could go for one of those walks right now with my girls. And yes, in my flip flops too.
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 6:49 am
Boy… we don’t know what we’ve got till it’s gone, huh, Lisa? You can be thankful for all the quality times you have had with your girls, and the best part is yet to come! I appreciate how close you are and you Jeff have done a wonderful job… Even if I am a little jealous of your memorizing skills! May God continue to bless you and your family. Thanks, Lisa.
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 6:15 am
“Oh my Gosh, I’m just like you!” This is another one of your stories that choked me up a bit, Floyd. I’m happy that you are getting a different experience with your youngest. I think it’s great that she asked you to a walk and coffee. Great bonding time.
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 6:51 am
Thanks, Dan. I know you know that feeling. I also know that you’re better at these things than me, intentional. I need to be more like that in all aspects of my personal life. Annie is blessed to have a dad like you, you are truly a God send brother. Thanks, Dan.
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 6:31 am
Can any higher compliment be paid than that? I doubt it. I remember Tami, my oldest and still single, once writing me a note telling me she knows why she is having trouble finding a husband: she is looking for one just like me. WOW! I too hope she find the older version. Great post my friend. I would love to meet that young one of yours.
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 6:53 am
What a wonderful compliment from your daughter… Those gifts I believe are the treasures that we will take with us to heaven. The most valuable things go with us I think, the things that are so wonderful they can’t be calculated by a number. Who know, maybe one of these days we will all meet! Thanks, Bill. I appreciate it, my friend.
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 7:27 am
Good morning, Floyd. This post and your last one have both caused me to really stop and think. They’ve also caused me a bit of consternation as well. And as I look in the mirror, I hope the man I see gets some second chances to quit tripping over all those bars that have been set a bit to low … 😐
Thank you.
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 6:19 pm
You know, your bar could very well be higher than mine. But I’m striving. I guess that’s all we can do and it might matter the most. I appreciate and respect the way you don’t run or hide from the things that most everyone else in the world does. Thanks David. And thanks to our Father for second chances…
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 9:22 am
Sharing an apartment with our 30 some year old son this last two years has been insightful, more for him I think then us. I am pretty sure he has taken us off the pedestal and seen us as people of a God who gives chance after chance. I think that is what is contain in the “longsuffering” God has for us. This is a beautiful written post and a keeper for your daughters sake. Something she will someday tell her children about, the day she understood we are all cut of the same cookie mold, only the Lord is a different without any flaws. I am sure you will walk in that compliment for a long time, I know I do when my children say similar things to me. From one parent to another, thanks for sharing your heart.
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 6:22 pm
And thanks to you too, Betty. For all we lack, you make up for in the amount of prayers you send up, sister! I can see a day not too far in the future where the time you got to spend with Jared will be a blessing to all of you, but him the most. Blessings to you and your warm as well as wise heart, Betty.
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 11:50 am
Floyd, I enjoyed this entry. I, too, am hoping my children become like the older version of me…not as hurried and missing the real meaning of life. The younger me was a mission to achieve and acquire. To what avail? All of that hurrying and being so involved with job was a little meaningless. It has its place, but it should not have had as “big” a place in my life. Now, overall, I have always been rather reflective, but not as unhurried as I am, today. Of course, growing in my faith, early retirement, slowing down and just taking time to “be,” has changed my life and my heart. The foggy old glasses I used-to wear, now have new lenses and I see life so much clearer than before. I’m just thankful that I finally changed my glasses! You know what I mean? Joy to you and yours!
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 6:26 pm
Awesome comment, Cynthia! Wonderful analogy too by the way. It’s easy to put on the wrong glasses that block our sight of what truly matters. I appreciate your wisdom and heart. “Taking time to be.” That’ll preach, sister! Thanks so much!
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 4:33 pm
Love this, Floyd. And the real gift, is that you recognize the gift.
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 6:28 pm
Look at you! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate subject broken down into the wisest and fewest of words. That is a wonderful gift and I appreciate you sharing it here. Thanks, June.
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 6:30 pm
So glad you have this wonderful relationship with your daughter and that you treasure it for the awesome gift that relationship is.
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 6:36 pm
Thanks, Pam. Amazing how our priorities begin to look more like our Father’s with wisdom. The best treasures we ever get on this side of heaven are the ones that can’t be measured by a number.
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 7:08 pm
Floyd this is such a beautiful story of sharing with your youngest daughter and her feed back to you. I do hope she is just like you! She loves books, and writes too! Awesome!
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 8:36 pm
You’re so kind, Hazel. Since she was born I’ve prayed for her to be like her mom, but our Father knows what He’s doing. I just need to do my best and strive for my best to be better with all of them. She is a reader and a writer, light years beyond me at her age. Thanks for your caring words, Hazel. God bless your precious heart, sister.
Thursday, March 20, 2014 @ 9:16 pm
Can you believe that we are already talking with our oldest about college and leaving home! It’s scarier for me that it is for her I think and it’s making me realize what a short time I really have with these kids.
Friday, March 21, 2014 @ 4:41 pm
I hear you. It seems like the two oldest were just learning to drive and that was a decade ago… The people who went before us and warned us weren’t lying!
Friday, March 21, 2014 @ 10:03 am
I love second chances. And third chances. And fourth. Getting a second chance,or another shot, at something that we messed up along the way is so necessary. We miss the mark, we sin, every day. I think of Peter getting another shot to get it right. It was after the beating, death and resurrection of Jesus. Peter messed up big, including three times denying his relationship with Jesus. But on the beach one early morning, after a great catch of fish, Jesus gave Peter a second chance. And the world is definitely the better because of it.
Friday, March 21, 2014 @ 4:43 pm
Awesome, Thomas! “And the world is definitely the better because of it.” Indeed, brother. Indeed.
Friday, March 21, 2014 @ 10:33 pm
I’m soooooo glad that God gives us more than 2 chances. I’m probably up in at least the thousands by now. Always love reading your posts.
Saturday, March 22, 2014 @ 10:45 am
I hear you, Mike. I’m running out of space on the calculator! Thanks, it’s nice to know I’m not alone, Mike!
Saturday, March 22, 2014 @ 4:05 pm
What a better honor to have a child say they are just like you. Shows you are doing things well Floyd.
Saturday, March 22, 2014 @ 5:31 pm
I didn’t think about it like that, but I think you’re right. She just doesn’t know the dumb side of me in seasons past. I think I won’t tell her till she’s out of the woods time wise! Thanks for your wisdom, Wanda.
Sunday, March 23, 2014 @ 11:35 am
Hi Floyd! I could just see you and your daughter, walking around the mall to the setting sun. What a wonderful memory, and a precious gift. It says a lot about her, and you too.
I bet your older children would have memories of the times you spent with them. Loving times…you were just so busy back then, who had the time to file those memories away in a safe spot? I do think that a lot of perspective comes with experience and age, but there is a lot of silly fun and energy when we’re young parents too.
Praise be to God that our children will never have to know the crazy stuff we did when we were their age! You can tell if you want, or keep it to yourself. Phew! But if she’s just like you, then she’ll make it through and be a wonderful, reflective child of God. Just like her Dad.
Blessings,
Ceil
Sunday, March 23, 2014 @ 12:07 pm
“Phew” is right! You have a wonderful and warm perspective, Ceil. Thanks for letting me peek over your shoulder to find it. Well said and well lived, sister. Blessings to you and all of yours!
Monday, March 24, 2014 @ 3:54 pm
Haha, I love your “pray it’s the older me” line. I always hoped my kids wouldn’t make any of my dumb mistakes, but I’m afraid they’re making a few of them. Still all alive so far, thank God. 🙂 I just got back from a wonderful week long road trip with my two daughters (one was on college break) down to see my parents in southern Utah. Also spent a couple of days hiking in Zion – got to hike the Narrows for the first time. Kids are such an incredible blessing, aren’t they? I just thoroughly enjoy mine.
Monday, March 24, 2014 @ 6:30 pm
Awesome, Barb! You just penned my heart, sister. Good for you and what a blessing to be able to spend time with our loved ones. Thanks for sharing that, Barb. Made me smile…
Tuesday, March 25, 2014 @ 7:35 pm
How beautiful.
I’m not ready for my kiddo to be old enough to follow in my foot steps or have my traits. I can only pray he’s a better version of me.
AS for second chances…I’m so very thankful for them. I mess up all the time, but as long as I have breath, I have another chance.
Ecc 9:11
Tuesday, March 25, 2014 @ 8:39 pm
Timely scripture, TC. “As long as I have breath, I have another chance.” Who can grasp redemption? Boggles the mind… Blessings to you and yours, TC. Thanks.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014 @ 8:54 pm
I really like this statement: “I think sometimes God gives us second chances… sometimes we get to live long enough, experience enough, to know what we’ve got before it’s gone.” Taking time to enjoy our children while we still have them is so essential. I’m ok with not being able to do a lot of online stuff (like writing posts, working on books, or commenting on other blogs) if it means I’d be able to spend more time with my son and wife. Great post!
Thursday, March 27, 2014 @ 5:29 pm
Well said, Dan. Those are the things that matter most and pay us the most in ways that matter eternally! Not to mention right here and right now… Great thoughts, Dan. Thanks.
Saturday, March 29, 2014 @ 7:48 pm
Good for you! Good for you! I can so relate.
I have 5 children and there were different things going on at different stages of each of their lives. The one thing I can say that we all shared with the same enthusiasm was music, and singing and worshiping. Arts and crafts and time at the park were also an investment.
Yet, some I managed to teach to sew, while others I managed to teach to cook better than others. Some I taught to sing better. Everyone I taught to organize and clean. All were home-schooled and with an emphasis on written expression. I made sure each has some sort of a job on the outside by the time they were 14. The only sports were working out at the police obstacle track and Jujitsu. Sometimes I was I could go back and make sure that things were more evenly distributed……especially the long walks and time at the park or library.
Sunday, March 30, 2014 @ 2:49 pm
Sounds like we walked the same path. Although you get way more kudos for home schooling! First I wouldn’t have the patience. Secondly the girls would have been better off teaching themselves than having me take a stab at it! No such thing as a perfect life, but sounds like you did a great job. Thanks, Nancy. Blessings to you and all of yours.