SANDPAPER
Some folks are just plain hard to like. I like down to earth people, they’re easy to be around. I know it’s easy to like people that we have more in common with, but there is a percentage of people out there that just seem to be downright nasty.
I try to go out of my way to get along with people, especially ones that I have to see on a regular basis. And, for the most part, I’ve been fairly successful at it, but I don’t walk on water…
There have been a handful of folks that are what the preachers like to call your “sandpaper”. Yeah, they rub me the wrong way and grind my grace down till there’s nothing left.
There’s a guy I see all the time at the gym that fits that description. He’s got the personality of a box of rocks. Even so, for years I’d go out of my way to be cordial toward him.
Right before Christmas, about seven or eight years back, I went around greeting folks and wishing them a Merry Christmas before I left the gym. I went up to Mr. Rocks and offered a handshake along with a “Merry Christmas.” He yanked his ear buds out, rolled his eyes, gave an annoyed huff, and begrudgingly gave a quick handshake without looking at me. He plugged his music back in his ear without ever looking at me. That was the last time I acknowledged his existence.
About a year and a half ago I sat down on a machine Mr. Personality was planning on using. I didn’t know it, but I wouldn’t have altered my plans for him anyway. I had my ear buds in so I assume he thought I had music playing, I didn’t. He mumbled extreme profanity at me, worse than anybody ever had in my life that I didn’t end up fighting.
I followed Mr. Jerk with my eyes on fire waiting for him to look at me so I could call him out. He didn’t look.
I have to admit, after my initial rage subsided, I was pretty proud of myself for not pursuing Mr. Idiot Head. But my initial feeling based in pride was far less than perfect.
I’m not sure why folks decide not to like others. I guess it’s the way they look and how they interact with others. I tend to be an extrovert and I carry myself with confidence, maybe too much. But I try to live my life by the teachings in the Good Book. “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
It’s easy to live at peace with people that we get along with. Dealing with the ones that test our pride and patience are a different matter. I know there was no victory in not getting into a physical altercation. My thoughts failed me. Not to mention it’s a struggle not to see that guy almost daily and not loathe him.
I need the constant reminder that God loves everyone equally, even Mr. Personality. I too often miss my calling to have love and compassion for others. I like to like the likable… it’s easy. It’s probably not a coincidence that I’ll have another opportunity to show the grace to Mr. Human that is bestowed upon me.
Do you have a “sandpaper” in your life?
bill (cycleguy)
Monday, June 17, 2019 @ 3:00 am
Great post Floyd! I have had those people as well. At the gym. While riding a bike. But worse at the church. About 8 years ago I man came to one of our leader meetings and told me I needed to resign and move to Ohio which is where I really wanted to be. (he doesn’t know everything I found out at that moment). He was rebuffed by the leaders and after he left I told them if they felt that way I was done. They didn’t but he wasn’t done. He came back to the next meeting with a list of everything that has gone wrong or downhill as proof I needed to leave. Again, he was rebuffed. (Side note: proof of why a church should never borrow money from someone inside the church. I was against that and the proof was seen as to why). Anyway, since then I have often wondered why in the world he even comes. He makes his displeasure with me known as I preach, make announcements or whenever I’m in front. I have chosen to love him. I don’t trust him but I do care about him. I love his wife and the rest of his extended family as well, who have chosen not to join his bandwagon. I choose not to be miserable and refuse to allow him to make me that way.
Brad
Monday, June 17, 2019 @ 9:25 am
Great story! I think we have all had a few of these individuals along the way. You’re a great man and the fact he never again made eye contact, I feel is the good Lord working his magic. Leaving this guy beat up and broken down in the corner would have done a lot more harm than good. The good Lord was there my friend!
God Bless
Lisa notes
Monday, June 17, 2019 @ 10:21 am
You did good, Floyd. Given enough time, I bet you’ll eventually win this guy over. I have some sandpaper in my life, too. Just when I think I’m doing better, they rub me raw and I see how much further I have to go.
Betty Draper
Monday, June 17, 2019 @ 2:22 pm
Those sandpaper people can give us a challenge, especially a people pleaser like me. I have went way beyond myself trying to win someone friendship before. Bought her a gift, found things I like about her, complimented her, watched her child, all to no avail. I don’t think she ever liked me because I was too much for her introvert personality. I come on like a tank, full blast, chattering away, thinking if I talk enough I will say something that will make her like me. Nope, so I gave up trying to do it since I was doing it in my own strength anyway. We never become close friends, but we did each to our self worked on a relationship that fit us both. I was a diamond in the rough, she had been church all her life, kept her path clear of rubble, I walk with the world so long some of it still dripped from me. I think she would like me better now, I have learned some tact and manners and how to listen, well sometime anyway. She had a handicapped daughter same age of my daughter. I know now that must have been hard on her because her daughter grow physically, she still is the same age of my daughter but mentally, physically she is about 3. This is what I learned. Everyone does not have to like me, Everyone does not have to be my friend, everyone can chose just like me who is their best friend. I do not have to try so hard to be friends, when it is of the Lord, we will be friends in the Spirit. She played piano for myself for my self and two other ladies, we were called, Sweet Spirit. When we practice, she like us that sang would cry over the message of our Savior’s love, sister in the Spirit. I think because I backed off and let God arrange her and my life God let me see her heart when we did music together. I never call her, she never calls me. We did see them once years ago when we stopped by their church her husband pastored. that reserved relationship was still there and it was ok, more then ok, it was respectful, it was perfect. I am going to start praying for this guy, sounds like he is carrying some heavy baggage. And brother you are just the person to help him carry it. Just saying.
Minette Giardini-King
Monday, June 17, 2019 @ 6:14 pm
Good job you! 🙂
Not everyone is going to like us or end up our friend. That’s their decision. Like so many others we will have contact with in our lives, we don’t know his issues, problems etc. So keep being yourself and don’t let others determine your day or attitude.
Cheryl
Monday, June 17, 2019 @ 8:28 pm
Oh, my word, that guy sounds like such a jerk. It is so hard for me to stand people like that, too. It always irks me to the core when someone just can’t be cracked, and no matter how hard I try to be nice and go out of my way to break through to them, they remain completely rude and unyielding. Both my husband and I used to work with a girl who acted just like your Mr. Personality. She was the most hateful person I have ever met. She treated her co-workers and customers like dirt and thought she was above everyone else and no matter what you did, she never would be nice. I can’t stand the thoughts of her to this day and thank the Lord I never have to see her again. Do you know the ironic part? We were praying really hard for a position in the company we both worked for to open up so my husband wouldn’t have to drive so far to work, and would you believe God worked through her to answer our prayers? She left to start a cleaning company and then decided she wanted to come back about three weeks later, but guess what? They had already given my husband her position, and it could not be reversed! I don’t know how people like that sleep at night and I often wonder if they ever feel any twinge of conscience, but the Bible talks about people searing their conscience with a hot iron, and I don’t see how they could be that mean if they hadn’t seared their conscience. Sandpaper, indeed. Glad there are more nice people than hateful ones in our world, and I guess the only thing we can do is BE the nice ones and shake off the dust when our niceness isn’t received and move on. God bless you, brother.
Pam
Tuesday, June 18, 2019 @ 3:04 am
Yes, I do have someone like that–seems I find one or two in every church we have ever served. Like you, on the outside I appear all friendly and kind, but on the inside God still has a heap of work to do on my attitude concerning Sandpaper. Of course, it helps to remember that I am more than likely Sandpaper to someone else. 😀
Martha J Orlando
Tuesday, June 18, 2019 @ 4:50 am
Oh, wow, Floyd, this guy presents a real challenge, indeed. It is so difficult to remember when others rub us the wrong way that they are God’s children, too. Sometimes, as you demonstrated here, our thoughts will run to the negative, but we can still control our physical/emotional reactions with God’s help. I’ve been in the same shoes at times, and it isn’t fun!
Blessings!
Holly Restifo
Tuesday, June 18, 2019 @ 8:22 pm
I can recall way too many times I have bent over backwards to break the hard nut encountered in my work life. Saying hello, engaging in conversation…. to break their hard exterior and get to the soft middle. It takes time and perseverance. It works in the end. It only depends on how much effort your willing to put into it. I can say I don’t have those encounters in my personal life, I don’t get out much and don’t care what the public thinks. In my opinion, neither should you. We all do our best in life and we can’t please everyone and everyone will certainly not befriend us. Live your life for you and in Gods name. The day of them…. well… is up to them.
Diane Ronzino
Wednesday, June 19, 2019 @ 3:21 am
Floyd, you’re human after all! LOL…
Oh, I’ve had plenty. I have learned over the years that the sandpaper isn’t designed to just hurt as it brushes against me. Think of a fingernail. The emery board is designed to whittle down some uneven spots on my nail. Yep…the sandpaper people always seem to show me something about myself that needs whittling. UGH.
Hazel Moon
Thursday, June 20, 2019 @ 5:20 pm
In our lives, sad to say – – yes there are certain people who simply rub you the wrong way. It is amazing how they almost enjoy being mean and disrespectful. It must make them proud to feel that way, but it does irritate us when they are hateful to us. I had one person who was like this not only to me but to most everyone. Some time back she knew she was dying, and we made peace and she made peace with her children. Her last days were good and the next time I see her, it will be a happy time. I am so glad you were able to keep your cool even though it was difficult. 🙂
Betty Martin
Saturday, June 22, 2019 @ 3:15 am
Incredible post, Floyd, and very thought provoking. Yes, I have sandpaper in my life which just so happens to be a relative. When I have to deal with the person, I simply choose to do so with the same kindness I extend to everyone, no matter what the situation. The fruit of her life; anger, control of others (which makes her angrier than ever because I don’t allow her to control me), over consumption of alcohol, theft, etc, shows how insecure, and sad she is inside. I will continue to pray for her, no matter what she sends my way. Jesus is the only one who can help and change her, I know, because He did that for me.
bluecottonmemory
Monday, June 24, 2019 @ 9:08 am
Do I have sandpaper in my life? I have 5 sons – there are a lot of sandpaper moments! LOL I tell my son that the urge to punch someone is a call to prayer – but after you’ve prayed, if God tells you to exert a punch, then by all means – punch! One of my sons, who has trouble with being a water-off-a-ducks-back kind of person had a guy who threatened to stab him in the back with a knife the following week – and he showed him the knife. I realized then – that young man (7th grader) really just needed someone who cared enough to pray. Maybe that’s what sandpaper people need – someone who will be hands off and hands up! Sounds like your sandpaper guy is kind of a lunk, though! LOL