JUMP
The first time I saw the Upper Colorado River from that vantage point I was impacted by its beauty even at a young age. The cliffs towered over the edge of the river, formed by the cutting force of the current below.
Some said those cliffs were over 80 feet tall, others said that the most notorious cliff aptly named “Suicide” was just over 65 feet tall. I’m not sure which was closer to the truth, I only know they were scary high.
We started on the lowest cliffs and after each jump into the ice cold water the swift current would take us down to the entrance to a cove. We’d paddle our arms and legs as hard as we could to ensure we made it into the cove. A miss of the entrance to the cove would mean ending up way downstream in the mighty Colorado current.
After about half way up to suicide, my brother called it quits there. He was brave enough, everyone knew that. He was just secure enough with himself to not have to go higher. Being younger, I felt I had something to prove. I wanted to prove I was brave and courageous.
As I stood 60 to 80 feet above the swift moving water I felt gut-wrenching fear… Sheer terror owned the inside of me as I glanced at the distant water and my brother a few cliffs down watching me. My brother didn’t care if I jumped or not, it wouldn’t change his world or what he thought of or for me.
Why would anyone put themselves in such a precarious predicament? What makes people do things in spite of fear? I couldn’t tell anyone then, I didn’t have a clue. I have a better understanding of these matters now. I’m not claiming to be an expert, but I’ve learned a thing or two about insecurity since then.
As great as the immense fear was within me at the time, it wasn’t as great as the opposing force. It could be called many things; courage, bravery, or guts. It’s possible those ingredients ate part of the makeup, but those aren’t the driving force in all similar circumstances.
No, the biggest influence that sometimes makes people overcome fear? Fear itself.
As frightened as I was of the height of that cliff, I realize I was more frightened to not be brave. I sensed more terror of being controlled by fear of the jump. The fear that might come to define my life and own me.
Many are familiar with FDR’s famous quote from his 1933 inaugural address, -“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” I wasn’t familiar with that famous quote at that time of my life, standing on loose sand, peering over the side of the cliff at the blinding, shimmering river below.
The jump called me out… It dared me to risk my life. It taunted me… Only the fear of not having the strength to overcome the fear of the jump is what caused me to back down the way I’d come up.
There was no crowd cheering me on. There was no one there I needed to impress… except me…
I’m not saying my jumping off a cliff made me a man. I’m also not condoning ignorant and dangerous acts. I just think sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zone. Maybe do the solo at church, tell the people in our world of our beliefs. Ask the advice, give the advice, run that marathon.
Fear, if we allow it, will keep us locked in the closet of life, while others took that step of faith, believing they could fly, at least for a short time.
I could smell the adrenaline in my nostrils as I ran toward the edge of that cliff… I planted my left foot about 8 inches from the edge of that cliff, pushing off into the wide open air…
Funny thing, once I started running committed to the task, I felt no more terror…
Only determination.
Pat
Friday, October 28, 2011 @ 8:47 am
2 Timothy 1:7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” I was pulling up this verse and ran across this link…
http://www.tonyvhammack.com/2008/09/god-hasnt-given-us-spirit-of-fear.html
I love the acronym he uses.
Hey, are you really going to sing a solo in church?
Floyd
Friday, October 28, 2011 @ 9:13 am
I agree, that is an insightful acronym he uses. And yes, I am going to sing a solo… So low you’ll have trouble hearing me under all the other voices…. Which trust me, is a good thing…
bill (cycleguy)
Friday, October 28, 2011 @ 2:02 pm
Hey Floyd! First, thanks for coming by my blog. I am honored you would do that. Second, I liked this post. So many fears can be overcome by going and doing. I really like the last two statements. I’ve put you in my Google Reader and will be back to visit again.
Floyd
Friday, October 28, 2011 @ 4:04 pm
Thanks Bill, I’m honored by your visit. I’m also praying for His anointing on your sermon this Sunday. Thanks for being the epitome of this post, I’d say your the best example of action.
Effie-Alean Gross
Friday, October 28, 2011 @ 6:44 pm
You’ve lived quite an exciting life. Fear can keep people back or move them forward…with you, it was the latter. When necessary, courage springs forth. Aren’t we glad it does? Thanks, Floyd, for sharing some of your life’s experience…very interesting.
Floyd
Friday, October 28, 2011 @ 7:01 pm
Thanks Effie, you’re witness to the fact that God makes strong willed or what other people call dumb people wiser… Glad to have you as one of the witnesses…
Bt
Friday, October 28, 2011 @ 7:09 pm
It’s good that that feeling of being bullet proof as a kid is replaced with common sense as an adult, assuming you live long enough to become a adult. Jumping off a 6 or 8 story building … Wow! Fear takes many forms, certain types of fear can be very motivating and work in a positive way. Other types make you Evil Connevel! Bt
Floyd
Friday, October 28, 2011 @ 8:49 pm
I’m no Evil Kenevil, but I like you will take my lumps, get up and take that fullback headon!!!!
Hazel
Friday, October 28, 2011 @ 11:43 pm
I suppose you just needed to jump for yourself – – brother knew better. If he had tried to stop you, it would not have done any good. Boys don’t usually listen to older brothers. I am glad you are wiser now and please no more jumping! OK to step out in faith and jump for the lord, just not into the river! 🙂
Floyd
Saturday, October 29, 2011 @ 8:57 am
No worries there Hazel. I crouch in fear when I get close to the edge of anything high these days! But I agree, we need to step out in faith and in action for the One we serve.
Audra Krell
Sunday, October 30, 2011 @ 8:04 pm
Tell the truth Floyd, how bad did it hurt when you hit the water? I guess less than the pain of not overcoming the fear….
Floyd
Sunday, October 30, 2011 @ 9:55 pm
Good one! To be honest it hurt bad! I eventually learned to land with my toes pointed and my arms by my side. Like everything else in life, it is a learned action. I’ll have to share how I got stuck in the mud at the bottom of the Colorado River a few times…
Chuck Allen
Monday, October 31, 2011 @ 8:43 am
Excellent post on fear, Floyd. I love the ending, talking about how the fear gets replaced once you start in motion. You would think after experiencing that a time or two it would get easier to take the first step. For some reason it doesn’t seem that way to me. 🙂
Floyd
Monday, October 31, 2011 @ 9:33 am
You’re in good company Chuck, well, company anyway! The flesh is a life long struggle, it is easier to deal with it corporately as opposed to all by ourselves. Thanks for the fellowship.
brad gore
Saturday, November 5, 2011 @ 9:48 am
Awesome just awesome. What a great way to put it. ” He was brave enough, everyone knew that.” ” he was just secure enough with himself to not to have to go higher.” Thats so well put. Wow I wish I could have been that way at anytime in my youth. Great great post! Boy oh boy, we are similar creatures my friend.
thx
Floyd
Saturday, November 5, 2011 @ 5:02 pm
Thanks Brad. I hear you, we’re like brothers from different parents for sure. It’s not easy to navigate life with our common bends, at least to be alive to tell about it anyway!
Tony Hammack
Sunday, January 8, 2012 @ 5:56 pm
I’m glad you liked the acronym!