JUMP
Edited and reposted from October of ’11
The first time I saw the Upper Colorado River from that dizzying vantage point I was impacted by its beauty, even at a young age. The rugged cliffs towered over the edge of the river that was formed by the cutting force of the vicious current below.
Some said those cliffs were over 80 feet tall, others said that the most notorious cliff, aptly named “Suicide”, was just over 65 feet tall. I’m not sure which was closer to the truth, I only know they were scary high.
We started on the lowest cliffs and after each jump into the ice cold water the swift current would take us down to the entrance to a cove. We’d paddle our arms and legs as hard as we could to ensure we made it into the cove. A miss of the entrance to the cove would mean ending up way downstream in the mighty Colorado current.
After about half way up to suicide, my brother called it quits there. He was brave enough, everyone knew that. He was just secure enough with himself to not have to go higher. Being younger, I felt I had something to prove. I wanted to prove I was brave and courageous.
As I stood 60 to 80 feet above the swift moving water I felt gut-wrenching fear… Sheer terror owned the inside of me as I glanced at the distant water and my brother a few cliffs down watching me. My brother didn’t care if I jumped or not, it wouldn’t change his world or what he thought of me.
Why would anyone put themselves in such a precarious predicament? What makes people do things in spite of fear? I couldn’t tell anyone then, I didn’t have a clue. I have a better understanding of these matters now. I’m not claiming to be an expert, but I’ve learned a thing or two about insecurity since then.
As great as the immense fear was within me at the time, it wasn’t as great as the opposing force. It could be called many things; courage, bravery, or guts. It’s possible those ingredients are part of the makeup, but those aren’t the driving force in all similar circumstances.
No, the biggest influence that sometimes makes people overcome fear? In my opinion. Fear itself.
As frightened as I was of the height of that cliff, I realize I was more frightened to not be brave. I sensed more terror of being controlled by fear of the jump. The fear that might come to define my life and own me.
Many are familiar with FDR’s famous quote from his 1933 inaugural address, -“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” I wasn’t familiar with that famous quote at that time of my life, standing on loose sand, peering over the side of the cliff at the blinding and shimmering river below.
The jump called me out… It dared me to risk my life. It taunted me… Only the fear of not having the strength to overcome the fear of the jump is what could cause me to “chicken out” and crawl back down in defeat.
There was no crowd cheering me on. There was no one there I needed to impress… except me…
I’m not saying my jumping off a cliff made me a man. I’m also not condoning ignorant and dangerous acts. I just think sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zone. Maybe do the solo at church, tell the people in our world of our beliefs. Ask the advice, give the advice, run that marathon.
Fear, if we allow it, will keep us locked in the closet of life, while others take that step of faith, believing they can fly, even if for only moments.
I could smell the adrenaline in my nostrils as I sprinted toward the edge of that cliff… I planted my left foot about eight inches from the edge of that cliff and shoved off into the great wide open…
Funny thing, once I started running – committed to the task, I felt no more terror…
Only determination.
Martha J Orlando
Sunday, April 7, 2019 @ 5:33 pm
Oh, Floyd, if you only knew my fear of heights! Part of me wants to say, I’m envious of your daring-do, and the other part of me says, “What were you thinking???”
Coincidentally, though, my pastor’s sermon today was all about courage, and that if we are committed Christians, risk taking and putting ourselves out there for Jesus’ name is par for the course. We should ever step forward in faith and assurance, and you’ve certainly demonstrated that here, my brother.
Blessings!
Diane Ronzino
Sunday, April 7, 2019 @ 5:44 pm
This is a great post, Floyd. And true. I’ve experienced something similar just not 60-80 feet in the air. I, too, as I finally “took off”, all the fear was gone. Just determination to glorify God. Love this post!
Holly Restifo
Sunday, April 7, 2019 @ 6:52 pm
Fear, if we allow it, will keep us locked in the closet of life, while others take that step of faith, believing they can fly, even if for only moments.
Faith is all we have. As you say , fear keeps us locked in the closet.
I say believe in faith, I don’t want to be locked in the closet.
Thank you, Floyd.
bill (cycleguy)
Monday, April 8, 2019 @ 7:22 am
You da man! Or at least you thought you were. LOL I can remember in college going to a quarry and trying to prove I was a man and not afraid I jumped off a cliff into the cold, frigid water below. Dumb. never did it again that whole day. I proved my idiocy once and that was enough for me! 🙂 But you are right. Sometimes you just do things because you HAVE to. Great story and ending lesson.
Dolly at Soulstops
Monday, April 8, 2019 @ 10:40 am
Floyd,
That was insightful of you as a young man to realize that you didn’t want fear to own you. Glad you were able to do it and not get hurt 🙂
Lisa notes
Monday, April 8, 2019 @ 11:45 am
Wish I had said this as well: “I was more frightened to not be brave.” I’m afraid of heights, so I have to *gently* push myself to be brave on high places (but I still have low limits, I assure you). This weekend Jeff and I flew to Minneapolis to watch Auburn in the Final Four. Flying is never a problem for me, but sitting in the upper deck? It took me about 30 minutes before I could acclimate to the air up there and calm down. 🙂
Dikkon Eberhart
Monday, April 8, 2019 @ 12:30 pm
…and you survived!
…and you throve!
…and you can write about it well!
Bless you, Floyd
Betty
Tuesday, April 9, 2019 @ 7:23 am
Awesome post and this line especially stuck out to me: “fear, if we allow it, will keep us locked in the closet of life” Sooooo true, Floyd. This may sound like a little thing, but was a biggie for me. I was afraid, at my age, to take the only apartment available to me which is on the third floor, no elevator. After praying for a place for five years, I knew it was the one. So, I trusted, pushed off and in only one month now I can maneuver the stairs quite easily and it gives me more exercise than I ever would have had if I had allowed my fears to stop me and keep me trapped in that tiny, cold mobile home from before.
Cheryl
Tuesday, April 9, 2019 @ 2:30 pm
As you well know, my battles with fear are intense. I found your words, “Funny thing, once I started running – committed to the task, I felt no more terror…” very inspiring. Sometimes courage comes right after we make up our minds and take that first step, doesn’t it? I don’t so much fear these types of things as I do health situations. They seem to be the worst for me. Thank you for your encouragement and for sharing this.
Ed
Wednesday, April 10, 2019 @ 12:15 am
Lake Mead had it’s own jumpers cliff. I witnessed a lot of people jumping off a few of them into the water. Many, gladfully, never hurt themselves. Today it’s a different story… you just don’t do that anymore. I tend to stay on the safe side by staying on solid earth, but I’ve always wanted to try either sky diving or flying in a sail plane.
Betty J Draper
Wednesday, April 10, 2019 @ 2:48 pm
There was a day when the words, Jump, would cause me to soar, all for the love of doing all I could with my friends. I never instant gated a jump, too chicken to do that. but on a dare in my teen years got me in more trouble then I like to remember. Actually I did not have enough sense to be afraid way back then. You sure would not catch me now jumping off anything, riding the rides at a theme park, I even swim in the warm pool at the YMCA, more comfortable. but I do understand that get going toward whatever you fear …fear will leave. It has to, until you try it again , then it might come back but again face it and jump.
that’s exactly how we ended up in two third world countries. I did not even jump into writing, it jumped at me…hehe.