INTENTION HAS LITTLE VALUE…
I tend to get too busy to do some of the things I should and really want to do in this life. Some days my life feels like I’m riding the old playground equipment that has a rut dug around the radius metal spinning apparatus from the decades of kids running around the edge of it, pushing as fast as they could before jumping aboard for the ride, then hanging onto the handles for dear life.
Seems the only time I put my foot or feet down is like an excitable kid working hard to make it go faster and faster… and it’s never quite fast enough.
I stood just outside the health food store trying to wrap up a business call before entering. I knew no time would be wasted, the girl working inside had seen me by design. She knows I waste little precious time, I knew she would be making my sugar-free-no-fat-low-carb-protein-shake.
“Where’ve you been?” I asked smiling, just having hung up my cell as she placed my shake on the counter and I tendered payment.
“I’ve been here?” she answered innocently.
“I know, I’m just kidding, I wasn’t here yesterday,” I chuckled.
She smiled and handed me my receipt and I quickly turned to exit. “Have a good da-” I started to say in a hurry for the door.
“OH!” The twenty-year-old girl completely out of character interrupted me, “My aunt and uncle told me to tell you that Timmy London is dead…”
I stopped dead still, my body instinctively squinted as if blinded by the sun as my brow shriveled into sharp rows. “What?” I asked, hearing but not fully grasping the reality.
“Timmy London is dead… his funeral was on Wednesday,” she said with horror on her face. I set my drink down and slid into the counter stool. “I asked them why they didn’t tell me before Wednesday so I could have told you before the funeral,” she said apologetically.
“Yeah… I wish I’d known…,” I mumbled.
“I’m sorry!” she offered.
“No-no, it’s not your fault,” I reasoned, trying to sort out the flood of emotions. I pulled my wallet back out and shuffled through the small stack of keepsakes and important cards I keep, “I went to high school with him… we played football,” I spoke softly with no sense of time or why I was in such a hurry to begin with.
“Yeah, I know. My aunt and uncle told me,” the girl I’ve known since she was knee high told me.
I found Tim’s business card recalling running into him six months back when we’d planned to get together for lunch or something to catch up… I remembered the two-a-day preseason football practices in the Arizona August inferno… I remembered the GQ kid built like a brick house that no one who didn’t know him would ever have guessed the beast of a nose tackle was kind and gentle off the football field.
I also remembered the last vise-like handshake and the big bear hug he gave me. He was the same… just older… I immediately lamented my lack of follow-up… I keep few things in my wallet that don’t have importance to me. I have pictures of my family, the required items and the things to remind me of my commitments and priorities… like spending time with a friend I’ve known most of my life… who I would never have imagined could take his own life…
Intention has little value when opportunity no longer exists… and it’s too late for an apology…
Betty Draper
Sunday, October 13, 2013 @ 8:12 am
Floyd…sorry to hear of your friends death. One consolation, you still have time to get with his family and share in their grief. It sounds like you spoke into each other life to the point the family wanted you to know about his death. Will be praying for them and you. Time just keeps marching on doesn’t it and it’s full of good and bad things both. I do believe we all race instead of walk through the time God has given us. Sometimes it takes a death to slow us down. I pray God give you the opportunity to speak into the family left behind life.
Floyd
Sunday, October 13, 2013 @ 9:08 am
Good call, Betty. I’ll see if I can get hold of them and do anything for them. Thanks for the prayers,Betty. Please pray for Tim’s kids.
Gail Aungst
Sunday, October 13, 2013 @ 5:34 pm
Hi Floyd. So sorry to hear about your friends death. It sounds like it was obviously shocking. It is hard to have time to keep up with everyone that is dear to us and all we can do is to hold on to the memories and know that he understands. I will include his family in my prayers.
Floyd
Monday, October 14, 2013 @ 3:39 pm
Thanks, Gail. Can’t ask for more than that. I appreciate it.
Hazel Moon
Sunday, October 13, 2013 @ 6:34 pm
Sorry about the loss of a close friend, as I know it comes as a shock. It has been several years now, but I lost my best girl friend, a few months after I had a nudge to go and visit her. Things happen to get in our way at times when we should just go ahead and do what we are urged to do.
Another close friend, just visited me, and it will probably be the last time until we get to glory, but we had a nice visit. I keep saying, I am going to take off and drive to see some friends and family that I want to see – – been saying that for two years. Mother passed on, and I was using her as a reason not to leave town. Always something seems to come up.
Floyd
Monday, October 14, 2013 @ 3:42 pm
Life is definitely busy. You might still be catching up on rest and dealing with your mother’s passing. I sometimes get so focused on “fixing” the situations that pop up I miss the things that matter most. Gotta be more mindful of it. Thanks, Hazel. And thanks for the understanding.
saleslady371
Sunday, October 13, 2013 @ 7:44 pm
I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend. Your words are teaching me, just like a Max Lucado book I’m reading, that people are extremely precious to God and should be precious to us especially friendships. Good that you wrote this so we all can take note and do our part to follow any prompts from the Lord. You are in my prayers for comfort.
Floyd
Monday, October 14, 2013 @ 3:44 pm
Please pray for Tim’s family. It’s so easy to get side tracked and the more I ponder these type of scenarios, the more I think that part of it is not really grasping how quickly life gets behind us. Thanks for you prayers and kind heart, sister.
Keith Walker
Sunday, October 13, 2013 @ 7:56 pm
I’m sorry, my friend. Your words remind us of what we know but forget each day . . . time is a wheel that runs at different speeds. For some it is slow and paced. For others, it runs too fast. I mourn the loss of your friend. When your words reach him, a smile must stretch across his face. You have communicated your love. That being said, I would like a picture of you that fits in my wallet. I’m not kidding.
Floyd
Monday, October 14, 2013 @ 3:47 pm
You know that’s a good idea. Better yet, we should get a picture of you and I and keep it in our offices. See, that’s the kind of things I miss! You’re a kind soul and an amazing friend. Thanks, Keith.
Mia
Sunday, October 13, 2013 @ 11:44 pm
Dear Floyd
I am so sorry to hear of your friend. It is hard when we are faced with the reality of this world that is not our home.I know that wheel in the play park you are talking about; we used to have endless fun on one of those and you are right; it goes only as fast as we are able to make it go and the same is true of life. But our Pappa has a way of stopping our wheel when it is in our best interest. We might not always see His intentions straight away, but in hindsight we realize how He works everything for our good (not selfishness or greedy desire) and for His glory!
Blessings XX
Mia
Floyd
Monday, October 14, 2013 @ 3:49 pm
You’re right, Mia… you’re always right, sister. The wheel came to a stop that day that I found out of Tim’s passing. I hope to bring more glory to our Father as I continue to get better at my priorities. Thank you, Mia.
Dan Erickson
Monday, October 14, 2013 @ 5:55 am
Ouch! Sorry about your friend’s death, Floyd. Things sneak up on us sometimes. Knowing he took his own life must make the news even harder to take. Some one recently told me I need to slow down. Maybe we all need to.
Floyd
Monday, October 14, 2013 @ 3:51 pm
I think we do need to slow down. If I don’t get anything else out of this, which isn’t likely, I hope to get that. The greatest treasures are the ones we carry inside of us… like a visit with an old friend. We learn one way or the other… Thanks, Dan.
April
Monday, October 14, 2013 @ 7:06 am
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. Knowing he took his own life makes things very hard sometimes, I’ve been there. And regret can be very powerful if you hold on to it. The biggest lesson for us in moments like this are to cherish the moments we have.
Floyd
Monday, October 14, 2013 @ 3:53 pm
Thanks, April. Good wisdom, we do need to cherish the moments and reflect on each one. Those are the treasures of this world, not the things we can carry in our pockets. I appreciate the thoughts, April.
Dan Black
Monday, October 14, 2013 @ 9:46 am
What a powerful reminder about the shortness of life and being intentional about doing the things that are most important/valuable to us. We never know if tomorrow will not come, so we should take time (slow down) and focus on the relationships and tasks that bring about the best return on our time and energy. Thank you for this post, Floyd!
Floyd
Monday, October 14, 2013 @ 3:59 pm
Good call, Dan. Tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us. We’ve been so blessed that we think they will continue forever sometimes. I appreciate the fact that you live the words you say and write. Thanks, Dan.
Lisa notes
Monday, October 14, 2013 @ 11:28 am
“Intention has little value when opportunity no longer exists.”
That’s a powerful statement, Floyd. I’m so sorry about the loss of your friend. 🙁 I’m sure that was quite a stunner of the worst kind. We just never know from one day to the next what’s gonna happen, just that it’ll always be something–sometimes good, sometimes bad. Sorry you got a bad part this time.
Floyd
Monday, October 14, 2013 @ 4:01 pm
We’re all going to pass that way sooner or later, but the treasures that we pass up to be able to carry within is the thing that has me pondering and hopefully growing in wisdom. Thanks for the kind heart, Lisa.
Barb Raveling
Monday, October 14, 2013 @ 12:15 pm
I’m so sorry about your friend, Floyd. I’ve had similar experiences and it’s hard when you can’t go back and change things. My guess, though, is that your friend was like some of my friends. You may not see each other much, but when you do, you pick up where you left off and are immediately close again. We can never predict when the last time is that we see someone so it’s hard to be prepared. Still – it’s hard to lose old friends!
Floyd
Monday, October 14, 2013 @ 4:03 pm
I agree. I’m never ready for it, I should be, but I’m not. I’ve learned the lesson enough times that I should do better than I do… We forget so easily. Maybe that’s our built in mechanism to deal with grief. Thanks, Barb.
tcavey
Monday, October 14, 2013 @ 2:14 pm
Isn’t it sad how caught up we get in things that don’t really matter? I think it’s why God doesn’t want possessions to own us. Maybe it’s why He told the first disciples not to take anything with them. He didn’t want them distracted from what really mattered- People.
People matter. Not our jobs, careers, houses, cars, phones, animals, sports teams, etc. Yes, though things are important and fun. But it’s people that is primarily concerned with.
Your post brought something to mind that I’ll share with you in private someday.
Sorry about your loss. Thank you for sharing it and reminding us to let go of things that don’t matter.
Floyd
Monday, October 14, 2013 @ 4:06 pm
Awesome comment, TC. So much wisdom in those words that come from a heart that has been down the path before. That is a great reminder for me to hear. In truth I probably need to hear it more often. How easily we forget… I’ll look forward to hearing how you came up with the wisdom. Thanks, TC.
tcavey
Tuesday, October 15, 2013 @ 10:47 am
We all need that reminder. I need it daily. It’s so easy to forget.
How’s that old saying go, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”?
Most of us mean well and have good intentions but life gets in the way.
Sorry for all this heaviness…my hearts been heavy lately, as I know many of ours are.
Floyd
Tuesday, October 15, 2013 @ 5:53 pm
I know you’re right. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. The sun is around the corner, the valleys have purpose. Thanks, TC.
Jennifer Dougan
Monday, October 14, 2013 @ 5:14 pm
Oh, Floyd, I’m so sorry. For your loss of an old friend, the what-ifs, and the loss for his family and friend.
Quietly and respectfully from MN,
Jennifer Dougan
http://www.jenniferdougan.com
Floyd
Tuesday, October 15, 2013 @ 10:26 am
Thanks, Jennifer. Please pray for Tim’s family if you would. I appreciate your heart.
Jillie
Tuesday, October 15, 2013 @ 7:10 am
Dear Floyd…I am so sorry to hear about the deep loss of your friend. Especially when it’s suicide, we are left wondering if we could have done something, should have known, should have done something. It really is a different sort of mourning, as opposed to death by natural causes, or accident, isn’t it? I think it’s harder to “get over” as well.
I lost a dear cousin two years ago. She was the same age as me. We used to have such fun together, but were separated when her father, my uncle, did a horrible thing and left the family in tatters. She and I were no longer allowed to see one another. I contacted her some years ago, but she did not reply to me. I let it go. I shouldn’t have. I should have persisted. The Jehovah’s Witnesses got hold of her. They prey on the weak and vulnerable. I wanted to see her. I wanted to share Christ with her. I pray the Lord had mercy on her tortured soul, for she was seeking Him. I pray I will see her again one day.
I am praying for you and for Tim’s family.
Floyd
Tuesday, October 15, 2013 @ 10:28 am
Yes, it really is a shocking occasion and brings about a different way we mourn. It’s part of this fallen world, but that doesn’t make it easier. I’m sorry to hear about your cousin. You did right by trying to reach her. You gotta great heart, Jillie. Thanks for sharing it and your prayers, sister. They are very valued.
Jason Stasyszen
Tuesday, October 15, 2013 @ 7:20 am
Floyd, what a heartbreaking thing. I certainly wasn’t expecting that he had taken his own life, but we just don’t know what is going on inside people. I’m just as guilty at rushing by people or ignoring that still small voice that prompts me to call or reach out or talk to someone. It’s not just our imagination. God’s love is reaching through us. I’m so sorry for your loss, but thanks for the reminder to pay attention to these “little” things and not rush on by. Blessings to you, brother.
Floyd
Tuesday, October 15, 2013 @ 10:30 am
The reminders are devastating. Regret is a good thing if it leads to the encouragement and reaching out to another. His ways are higher than our ways. We’re all guilty of rushing along through life and missing the true treasures that God has for us. I’m learning the lesson, slow but sure. Thanks, Jason.
Dolly@Soulstops
Tuesday, October 15, 2013 @ 9:55 am
Dear Floyd,
I am so sorry for the loss of your friend Tim…praying God comforts you and his family…I think Betty’s suggestion about how you can walk with his family through the grieving process is good…hope you take time to process your grief…hugs to you 🙂
Floyd
Tuesday, October 15, 2013 @ 10:31 am
Yes, I am going to reach out to the family on Betty’s advice. Thanks for the prayers for Tim’s family and your kind heart, Dolly. God bless you, sister.
Hazel Moon
Tuesday, October 15, 2013 @ 1:20 pm
Thank you for sharing this soul searching story with us here at “Tell Me a Story”
Floyd
Tuesday, October 15, 2013 @ 5:53 pm
Thanks for letting me take part in your wonderful blog hop, Hazel!
Loren Pinilis
Wednesday, October 16, 2013 @ 9:17 am
I’ve had a few experiences like this. When you see someone on Monday and they’re gone on Tuesday. I’ve also had it happen where I wanted to get together with a neighbor couple – but they got divorced. You always wonder if maybe you could’ve done or said something to change things.
Floyd
Wednesday, October 16, 2013 @ 12:25 pm
I think it’s good to reflect and to learn in order to be maybe more wise and prepared the next time we get a chance. Thanks, Loren.
Rachael
Wednesday, October 16, 2013 @ 9:26 pm
Heartbreaking news for anyone to hear! I am sorry for your loss and thankful for memories.
Floyd
Friday, October 18, 2013 @ 10:03 am
I too am thankful for memories. Funny you never think of how things might turn out when we get older. Never saw this one coming. Thanks, Rachael. I appreciate your heart.
Caleb Suko
Friday, October 18, 2013 @ 6:51 pm
Floyd, thanks for this. Really I mean it! This is such a great reminder and a little kick in the rear that I probably need. About 2 months back as we were planning to leave Ukraine my wife and I talked about who we needed to have over for dinner before we left. We had a list of a few people but only got to about half of them. I felt bad about that and as I look back I’m pretty sure we could have made it happen if we had been more serious about it.
On the other side I have a very clear memory of the last time I saw my brother-in-law who was KIA in Iraq in 2006. It was the night before he was to leave for Iraq and on a whim we decided to drive by his house even though it was late. We said our good byes and he hugged all of our kids before we pulled out of the driveway for home. That was the last time we saw him in this world. I’m glad that we took the opportunity.
Floyd
Saturday, October 19, 2013 @ 8:43 am
I have chills… Wow. That is a powerful testimony of the actions we’re to live our lives by. We just never know when one of us are going to be called home. I can’t imagine your family’s grief, yet bitter sweet joy, for having been part of doing the right thing, the good thing, the thing we are called to do; love in action. Thank you so much for sharing this personal part of your life. These are the things that impact lives, even when we’re not there. Thanks, brother. God bless you and yours.
Caleb Suko
Friday, October 18, 2013 @ 6:52 pm
Floyd, just wanted to let you know that I’ll be praying for you and for your friends family during this difficult time.
Floyd
Saturday, October 19, 2013 @ 8:44 am
Thanks, Caleb. And thanks for sharing your strong and kind heart.
Joanne Norton
Friday, October 18, 2013 @ 9:38 pm
Well, you walked/are walking through a touch stretch of life. As I’m much older and seeing more people my age who are dear to me, and knowing we are headed for significant changes in our bodies, what’s coming down the path will bring sorrow with it, even when we know we’ll be together in heaven. And taking our own lives is a significant challenge to and for everyone.
Sorry you are filled with heart-pain. I’m heading for bed now [11:35 my time] and, as going to sleep, I will lift you up to our Lord — and his family, no matter how long ago this occurred. Nothing else matters.
Bless you, dear Bro.
Floyd
Saturday, October 19, 2013 @ 8:45 am
Thanks for your wise heart and prayers, sister. I hope you slept well and are getting rest and feeling good. Praying for you as well.