I honored to have TC from Wisdom of a Fool at http://tcavey.blogspot.com/ guest posting today. TC is a wife and mother who isn’t afraid to share her views, testimony, and caring heart with others. TC has the gift of encouragement and I and many others I know have been the recipient of that gift. TC has shared a very personal part of her life here today, I hope you’ll show her some of that encouragement she shares so freely and make her site a regular stop in your week.
I could tell he wasn’t actually watching the TV. Never before had I seen him NOT smile or laugh while watching re-runs of “The Beverly Hillbillies”, so I knew he was in deep thought.
The cancer was rapidly spreading, taking away his ability to communicate…but he was still aware.
It just took him longer to express his thoughts.
And so, I waited, knowing he needed time.
I waited and I watched one re-run after another, refusing to let him know I’d rather be watching him.
How I longed to watch him, to memorize every wrinkle in his face before it was too late.
But that would have made him uncomfortable.
So I waited.
For years he had been my rock, the one to hold the family together, the one we all leaned on.
Now it was my turn. I was the rock. I was the one holding us all together and I was feeling the pressure.
God how had he done it for so many years?
I knew what was coming as he sat there thinking.
I braced myself for it as I waited.
I tried to formulate words, to decide how I would respond.
But I kept coming up empty.
I thought about lying.
But everyone else was busy doing that…to themselves and to him.
No he needed the truth.
He deserved the truth.
He had lived his entire life facing difficulties head on, relying on faith to bring him through…this should be no different.
No, I would not lie.
Even though every heartbeat ached because of that truth.
But I was my father’s daughter and I could not lie.
I would face this head on, with him.
Because if it were reversed, he would do the same for me.
He was my rock… and now I was his.
So I waited.
Finally his hazel eyes turned from the TV to me, serious, steady and waiting.
“It’s not good, is it?”
I shook my head no, a lump forming in my throat.
“No daddy, it’s not.”
I didn’t know what else to say.
But he didn’t need anything else.
He already knew, he just needed to hear someone say it.
He nodded his head in understanding and started watching the TV.
His laughter filling the house as my heart broke on the inside.
But I could not let him see me cry, I was now the rock and rocks don’t cry.
He smiled at me.
I smiled back.
Together we sat and watched “The Beverly Hillbillies”.
That was the last day my father forced himself to eat.
Three days later he stopped taking in fluids.
He was ready.
He was facing his new destiny.
His entire life he had faced difficulties head on, full of faith, ready to go.
This would be no different.
Faith was now leading him home.
In loving memory of my father.
October 1, 2008