DO ROCKS LIE?
image courtesy of photobucket.com
I honored to have TC from Wisdom of a Fool at http://tcavey.blogspot.com/ guest posting today. TC is a wife and mother who isn’t afraid to share her views, testimony, and caring heart with others. TC has the gift of encouragement and I and many others I know have been the recipient of that gift. TC has shared a very personal part of her life here today, I hope you’ll show her some of that encouragement she shares so freely and make her site a regular stop in your week.
I could tell he wasn’t actually watching the TV. Never before had I seen him NOT smile or laugh while watching re-runs of “The Beverly Hillbillies”, so I knew he was in deep thought.
The cancer was rapidly spreading, taking away his ability to communicate…but he was still aware.
It just took him longer to express his thoughts.
And so, I waited, knowing he needed time.
I waited and I watched one re-run after another, refusing to let him know I’d rather be watching him.
How I longed to watch him, to memorize every wrinkle in his face before it was too late.
But that would have made him uncomfortable.
So I waited.
For years he had been my rock, the one to hold the family together, the one we all leaned on.
Now it was my turn. I was the rock. I was the one holding us all together and I was feeling the pressure.
God how had he done it for so many years?
I knew what was coming as he sat there thinking.
I braced myself for it as I waited.
I tried to formulate words, to decide how I would respond.
But I kept coming up empty.
I thought about lying.
But everyone else was busy doing that…to themselves and to him.
No he needed the truth.
He deserved the truth.
He had lived his entire life facing difficulties head on, relying on faith to bring him through…this should be no different.
No, I would not lie.
Even though every heartbeat ached because of that truth.
But I was my father’s daughter and I could not lie.
I would face this head on, with him.
Because if it were reversed, he would do the same for me.
He was my rock… and now I was his.
So I waited.
Finally his hazel eyes turned from the TV to me, serious, steady and waiting.
“It’s not good, is it?”
I shook my head no, a lump forming in my throat.
“No daddy, it’s not.”
I didn’t know what else to say.
But he didn’t need anything else.
He already knew, he just needed to hear someone say it.
He nodded his head in understanding and started watching the TV.
His laughter filling the house as my heart broke on the inside.
But I could not let him see me cry, I was now the rock and rocks don’t cry.
He smiled at me.
I smiled back.
Together we sat and watched “The Beverly Hillbillies”.
That was the last day my father forced himself to eat.
Three days later he stopped taking in fluids.
He was ready.
He was facing his new destiny.
His entire life he had faced difficulties head on, full of faith, ready to go.
This would be no different.
Faith was now leading him home.
In loving memory of my father.
October 1, 2008
Sunday, June 3, 2012 @ 6:33 pm
Thank you Floyd for your kind intro, it humbles me. I appreciate you challenging me to share my heart and my memories. Often it can be scarey to open up, thank you for helping make it easier.
You and your blog are a blessing to me and many others. Thank you and God bless.
Sunday, June 3, 2012 @ 8:57 pm
It is my honor TC. You truly do give from the heart and it is a blessing and huge lift to all of us, and thank you for sharing your heart and your memories. God is good, thank you too and God bless you and yours in another difficult time in your life.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012 @ 6:33 pm
As always, you are a true poet.
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 2:18 am
Well said TC. No reason to lie when down inside they already know. You have no regrets. My mother died in 2004 of a rare from of cancer and i was able to be with her off and on for the final 6 weeks. They need/want honesty, not lies. More than that they need/want love. You gave it. Well done.
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 6:25 am
Thanks for sharing Bill. I’m sorry for your loss but I have confidence our parents are having a grand time in heaven!
My father was diagnosed with brain cancer and died 30 days later. The months leading up to that diagnoses were tough as the doctors kept giving my mother and family false hope that he would get better and that they did not believe it to be cancer.
God gave me discernment during that time and told me my father was going to die and that I must help my family through it. Most of them remained in denial until a few days before he passed. They couldn’t help that they were lying, it was a tough thing to accept. I think even my father had been in denial until this day. His faith had always brought him through. I think after this day he knew his faith was leading him home and not going to provide the healing he had been believing for. He was okay with it, it was just a change in prayers for him.
It was 12 days after this day before he went home.
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 7:06 am
Well said Bill. Truth, regardless of how painful said with a proper heart is the ultimate love…
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 5:46 am
A beautiful way with words. I wish I would have known your dad. I know he would be so proud of you and the truth you are still speaking into people’s lives.
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 7:07 am
Thanks Brandy. TC speaks with the wisdom and truth of God… and the words are beautiful…
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 9:25 am
Thanks Brandy, you would have loved my dad. He always had a smile and loved to find reasons to laugh!
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 6:50 am
Floyd, this is my first time to your blog, but when you associate yourself with someone like TC, I will definitely be back.
TC, that was a powerful, powerful, piece of writing. Thank you for sharing with such transparency & vulnerability. While I have never experienced what you have described within my own family, as a pastor I have walked through that with people many, many times. I have watched people hold back the truth far too often. Thanks for telling the truth to your father and to us.
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 7:14 am
Thanks Jeff. It’s my good fortune to be able to associate with great people like TC. God is amazing in that He brings family members together that wouldn’t ever get to meet this side of heaven otherwise.
TC and I have shared some of the similarities of our earthly dads. I knew my heart would be lifted by her story. True love is truth.
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 9:30 am
Floyd your words bring tears to my eyes. Thank you for your kindness. You are so right that God brings His family together. Times like these I am so thankful for technology!
Can’t wait to meet you someday, I know we will have lots in common- our dads are probably best friends (BFF’s- wink) already!
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 4:09 pm
I look forward to meeting you and your family as well someday, hopefully this side of heaven! And yeah, I’ll bet our dad’s are having a time! After all, they have our Father in common…
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 9:28 am
You really humble me with your words Jeff, thank you.
You will love Floyd’s blog- he shares his heart with such raw honesty that you can’t help but read!
It’s sad that we shy from the truth, not sure why. God tells us not to lie but we all do it. I guess because the truth can be hard to swallow. I’m so glad my dad taught me to face difficulties instead of run from them. Not saying I’m great at it (in fact I’ve been running from sharing these memories) but I try to never lie to others or myself.
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 12:45 pm
When you live your life in honesty, the truth is comforting–no matter what it is. Wonderful story. Not because it’s so happy necessarily, but because it’s real. We have a real faith and it informs our lives until the very end if we trust Him. Thanks for sharing this, TC. Blessings to you.
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 2:13 pm
Thanks Jason. Knowing my dad was in Christs hands made the experience easier. I can’t imagine going through something like this without my faith.
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 4:04 pm
It is real… Truth is real, as real as it gets and it is a wonderful story, I too am glad TC shared it. Thanks for your support of our sister!
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 1:54 pm
TC Avey,
Thank you so much for sharing. The story and wording is so powerful. Great post.
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 2:14 pm
Thanks Dan. I appreciate you reading and commenting. God bless.
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 4:11 pm
I agree Dan, the story is one of those stories that will stick with us. Thanks for your heart.
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 2:12 pm
What a touching tribute…well done TC!
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 2:14 pm
Thank you Jay. It was emotional to write!
Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 4:12 pm
She did good huh? This post proves TC’s versatility, but more important, the heart she has and how God helped shape it… Thanks Jay.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 6:56 am
Wow, TC. What an emotional post for you to write. It’s saddening to see our loved ones go, but we have the hope of seeing them again in eternity!
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 7:04 am
Well said Loren, and that hope in a Biblical sense is confidence. Thanks for supporting TC, she is versatile.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 8:48 am
It is that hope Loren that got me through- that gets me through each trial.
Thank you for your support on my blog and Floyds’. God bless you!
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 9:21 am
Thank you both, Floyd and TC.
It is hard to come to grips with the brevity of our days – especially those we love. We want them to be with us forever. Our comfort is when they are anchored in The Rock. We know their destination. Still, our emotions rage…
For the past 100 days I have hung ( daily) with a dear friend ( thru Facebook) while he journeyed with his wife through emergency surgery, botched surgery, more surgery and then a hospital stay rife with fiasco that rivaled even the most famed daytime soap opera. He practically had to live there to see that she had proper care. He lost his job. Then his wife. God gave me words for him almost daily and now, he and his son are making their way back across the country to re-settle in Fresno, CA once again.
People on the CaringBridge page tried to be helpful, but what they spoke were “sweet” lies. What he needed was The Truth – The Word going into him to keep him strong. From what his wife had communicated, she had made the decision to go home to heaven. She indicated that she didn’t want to fight anymore. (The stuff she was going thru was horrendous – so much hospital error)
Thanks for such a heartfelt post. I was glad to hear about your father’s faith and his ability to place himself into God’s loving care for the final journey.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 9:55 am
Thanks for the heart to care for your brothers and sisters in Christ Nancy. It’s obvious that God used you to speak truth into His chosen during their most difficult of times. Truth isn’t easy, in fact it’s usually the most difficult thing, but how can we live with knowing someone needs truth and not give it to them? Thanks again for your heart, strength and real life story. Point well made Nancy.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 1:33 pm
Nancy,
You’ve been through a great deal with your friend, thank you for being a minister of love. I know this journey was hard on you as well, I pray God will bless everyone involved with rest, peace and hope.
We all need people we can rely on, to help us, hold us and to guide us through tough truths. Thank you for being a helping hand. May we all have someone like you in our lives.
I am so sorry to hear of the difficult time your friends experienced with the medical community- I know (from experience with my dad) that it can be frustrating and painful. I will be praying for forgiveness and healing to occur for all involved.
Thank you Nancy for reading and commenting. God bless you.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 9:34 am
We buried my dad on Monday. Thanks for sharing your post and encouraging others – what a great time for a guest post! Perhaps one day I will be able to share some of our last moments together as well as a way to encourage others.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 9:58 am
I’m sorry for your loss. The timing for TC’s post isn’t coincidental. I’m praying for you in your time of difficulties. I also encourage you to write down the events you’re living through now, it will have some use in His will in the future and for you now. I’m certain of it. Thanks for sharing. God bless you.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 1:41 pm
I’m so sorry for your loss D. This post must have been difficult for you to read, thank you for reading it anyway.
I know for months I stayed away from anything that reminded me of my dad.
I echo Floyds words, writing down your feelings and memories now is important. I tried to encourage my mom to do that but she didn’t feel she could- now she regrets it because there are things she has forgotten in those last days and it causes her pain that she can’t remember every detail of her lasts moments with her husband.
Don’t worry about how it sounds, or about grammar/spelling, just get the words down- then you can begin to pray over them, asking for healing or whatever else God reveals to you.
I know for me I had to let go of unnecessary guilt, I had to acknowledge it and repent, then ask God to help release me from a burden I had no business trying to carry.
Almost 4 years later, I can look back at my raw emotions and see how God guided/protected/blessed me through those tough months of grief. I’m so glad I journaled, I pray you find healing in it as well.
May Gods peace rest upon your heart and mind.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 12:27 pm
I’ve been thinking lately how imorptant are those moments in life. TC’s father needed her to be with him in that moment, not trying to cover it over with lies, not in a place of fear…with him. Thanks for being an example to us.
Blessings,
Voni
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 1:49 pm
Voni,
Your words humble me. Credit for any help my experience brings to others goes to God. Without Him I could not have made it. I so wanted to hide behind lies, but that’s not how my father raised me. In his final days I watched a strong man turn into a child and in those moments God graced me with the wisdom needed to care for him. God carried us all through those days and He will carry you too when you need Him.
I felt like a helpless coward, unable to help a man who had given me so much. All I could give him was the care I know he would have provided me- honesty and love.
Thank you Voni for reading and commenting.
God bless.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 3:24 pm
Thanks Voni, TC is definitely a great example of love in action.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 1:01 pm
Floyd, thank you for having TC as your guest. I found myself swallowing. Hard. Holding back the tears. This is powerful and I’m blessed to have read it. Thank you, TC! God bless you!
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 1:53 pm
Not sure if I should say I’m glad my post touched you Diane. That doesn’t really seem appropriate, but I’m not sure exactly what is.
Thank you Diane for reading and commenting, but thank you even more for being open to share in someone’s pain and victory. To God all the glory!
Your words give me hope that someday my book(s) will be published and they will touch hearts in the same way.
God bless!
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 3:25 pm
Diane, you have the kindest and most encouraging words for your brothers and sisters. It is powerful and thank you for supporting and lifting all of us.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 1:47 pm
Wow! The Lord our God allows joy in our grief. It never gets any better, it only gets different as we await our time to go Home, too.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 3:30 pm
I agree Susan, it doesn’t get better in our flesh, but God does give us the wisdom to look at it with more understanding I think. We do long for home don’t we? Good call, thank you for sharing about TC’s story.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 4:12 pm
Different is a good word for it Susan, I know age/life has changed my perspective of going Home.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 2:51 pm
Well, you definitively put a lump in my throat with that story, I really appreciate your sharing it. I’m fortunate and still have both of my parents, although I lost my older brother to cancer a few years back. It’s hard losing someone you care for deeply. I thank God that those loses are only temporary,and one day we will see them again.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 3:33 pm
Great perspective Mike, we will see them again… sooner than we can imagine in these limited soul cages. TC put a lump in mine as well, but I love a happy ending. Thanks Mike.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 4:13 pm
I am so thankful I will one day see my dad’s happy face and hear his laughter. I miss him, but I’m not consumed by grief. I know who holds us all and He is King of Kings!
Thank you Mike for reading and commenting. I appreciate your kind words.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012 @ 4:00 pm
Facing the truth can often release us to be able to laugh. Your father gave his life for his family through hardships and his toil of making a living for those who were his. I am certain that he extended himself outward toward others who were extended family.
It is difficult to be a rock! Sometimes it hardens us in the process. Your Dad loved you and his last days were full of joy, even with what he knew was coming.
The body seems to know when it is time, and his refusal to eat was a sign. He will be missed, but not forgotten. Realize that YOU need not be the rock for others, but do point them to the ROCK who is Higher than I, Jesus Christ.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012 @ 4:34 pm
That is a great perspective Hazel. He truly is the rock that gives us the strength to honor Him and our families. Well said!
Wednesday, June 6, 2012 @ 4:37 pm
Wish you could have known him Hazel, he was a fun loving guy, always ready to laugh and to offer help to anyone in need. But you will meet him someday in heaven- he is quite a character!
I know he only managed to handle all of lifes pressures by relying on the Rock of Christ and while he taught me all about Christ, I was too immature at times to fully understand.
Before this experience I had no real idea the power of Christ nor was I used to really relying on the Rock. Don’t get me wrong, I was saved, but I had little experience with such devistation. Plus I didn’t realize how I had put my dad where God deserved to be.
It was a tough lesson, earth shattering for me. But God led me through and now I no longer try to be the rock. Instead I rest in the one true Rock!
Thank you for your insightful words. Being a rock can make you hard- I am so thankful God did not allow that to happen to me- it was a real temptation at times.
God bless you.
Friday, June 8, 2012 @ 1:53 pm
A truly lovely post and such a great fit for Floyd’s blog! Thank you for your humble authenticity TC. As a previous daughter of the culture and all the lies that entails, I have a deep appreciation for people who cannot lie.
Friday, June 8, 2012 @ 5:25 pm
Thanks for the support of TC. I know you appreciate the words written from the heart as much as me Audra.
Sunday, July 22, 2012 @ 11:45 pm
How precious to have those last few day without the darkness of a lie between you and your father TC…and the truth shall set you free and he is free indeed. Heaven becomes a little sweeter knowing we will see and worship together at the throne with them. Thank you for the honest courageous post. Blessings