DESPERATE MEASURE
I chatted with him occasionally, maybe twice a week or so. He was always quick with witty banter, fairly young, probably early thirties. I know him through my friend Johnny whom he rides to work with. The guy – I’ll call him Zeke – left me a little confused when I talked to him. He had one of those types of eyes where one would look at you and the other kinda off to the side.
I always try to figure out which one of those eyes is the best one to look into while we’re talking. We joke in a friendly manner, throwing sarcastic barbs in good fun. A person couldn’t have too many conversations with Zeke before the conversation turned to guns. That’s one of the pastimes Johnny and Zeke would share.
You’d think they would have gotten tired of each other; working together, riding to work together, shooting guns, and just hanging out; I guess good friends don’t tire of each other so fast. Johnny told me that Zeke was having some issues with his girl… That can cause some stress. Zeke and I talked about stress a few days ago and shared our remedies on the subject. I told Zeke that my secret remedy was to work out in order to get rid of some stress. He laughed at me a little, said he didn’t get it, thought it didn’t make sense and added, “That’s what shootin’ guns are for”!
I knew something was wrong when I saw Johnny today… Johnny is from New York, mid to late thirties, big personality, fun company, works some days up to 16 hours, he’s no pansy I can tell ya’ that much. “Hey Johnny”! I said in a pleasant way, our typical greeting. He didn’t answer with his normal energetic response, he sounded flat, in a monotone, “I just wanted to let you know that Zeke is dead”…
“WHAT”!!! I almost yelled in disbelief. “Yeah, they found him in his apartment – he killed himself” … “He was really stressed out about his ex-girlfriend,” Johnny explained, fighting to hold back his emotion over the loss of his constant companion’s death.
I was deeply saddened as well… shocked, caught completely off guard. My mind raced trying to catch up with reality… I never shared the truth of God’s word with Zeke, I didn’t avoid it, I just never spent that kind of time… I wish I had… I assumed there would be plenty more of it…
The stress of life can be overwhelming sometimes, too much for those that don’t know the real truth of this life. A person can’t understand how much value they have in this world if they’re willing to take their life.
If I was that close to a person the day before he took his life and didn’t see or sense it, how many others do we pass on a daily basis that might be hurting just as bad as Zeke was? I suspect more than we can imagine…Maybe we should pay, or at least I should pay closer attention to details…
When Zeke told me guns were the answer to his stress…
I never imagined it was the desperate measure of turning one on himself…
bill (cycleguy)
Monday, February 27, 2012 @ 3:01 am
It is sad there are people this despondent who will take their greatest gift. I Have been haunted by my failure to recognize tell-tale signs in people. Good eye-opener today Floyd.
Floyd
Monday, February 27, 2012 @ 6:54 am
Yeah, it is disturbing… A smile doesn’t necessarily mean someone’s happy. Tough lessons. My heart is breaking for that kid.
Pat Bowling
Monday, February 27, 2012 @ 11:02 am
I am so, so sorry to hear this, Floyd. I had a close friend who committed suicide many years ago. She was the strongest woman I have ever known; she was a prominent figure in our community at the time and everyone who knew her would have said the same thing. The entire community was totally shocked when she took her own life. She did not leave a note. To this day, I think of her and wonder why I didn’t see the hopelessness in her eyes or hear something/anything in her voice that could have led to such an act. There is nothing.
Not so many years ago, a young friend in our church took his own life. He had been struggling for a long time. Though his actions were not totally surprising, it was just as shocking and devastating.
We can never be prepared for times like these. God grant peace to those who are in torment and see themselves without hope.
Floyd
Monday, February 27, 2012 @ 6:19 pm
Thanks for your heart Pat. Yeah, it’s like living in a dream or fog… It’s difficult to imagine when they seem to be coping so well.
TC Avey
Monday, February 27, 2012 @ 12:13 pm
I’m very sorry to hear this news. I understand how you are feeling. Years back I had a similar experience. I was working and a guy I knew through association with others can in as a customer. I knew he wasn’t a Christian and I felt a little voice prompting me to witness to him-AT WORK! I chickened out, instead I invited him to my church that night. An hour later I found out he died in a car crash leaving my work. I couldn’t believe it! I had just seen him!
God had tried using me to witness to him one more time…but I chickened out.
That was a tough lesson to learn. I was a fairly new Christian then and I was ate up with guilt (though I’m sure if I had been a Christian for fifty years I still would have experienced that guilt).
I’m not perfect, I still mess up, but I have moved passed the guilt and shame and I am more willing to share my faith, especially when I feel God prompting me to.
I’m sorry for all you are going through. I will keep you and all affected by this in my prayers.
Floyd
Monday, February 27, 2012 @ 6:23 pm
Thanks TC. Pray for his family and my friend Johnny please. I’m like you now, I’m not holding my tongue for fear, life is too short. I just had no idea or inkling he was anywhere near that. We were laughing and joking, I don’t know, but I think he had to be in some type of altered state at the time.
Jason Stasyszen
Monday, February 27, 2012 @ 4:17 pm
What a wake up call. We know this is true, but still need the reminders constantly. If we have an open door, it’s for a reason. Sometimes we have more time and other times we only get today. So sad to read this, but thank you for sharing it, Floyd.
Floyd
Monday, February 27, 2012 @ 6:25 pm
Thanks Jason. This is a warning to me and to anyone, we just never know! And a lot can be hidden behind a smile or laugh.
Hazel Moon
Monday, February 27, 2012 @ 6:37 pm
So sorry about your “friend,” even though not close – never the less “friend.”
It is not too late to speak to Johnny. Just the words, “May I pray for you” may give comfort over this stressful happening. We all suffer stress at times, and the rest we find is in casting our care on Jesus and it does help give us relief.
Floyd
Monday, February 27, 2012 @ 8:31 pm
Thanks Hazel. You’re right… He does give me rest and peace, but He did put the heart within that breaks for the lost. Especially the lost who are gone… No more chances…
Nancy
Monday, February 27, 2012 @ 9:26 pm
Ohh…that’s rough! Sorry you had to face something like that.
Your post stirred so many memories. My own bio-mother tried to take her life, and more recently, a friend came home to find her husband hanging from a tree in their the backyard.
You are right – haw many have we missed? I ask the Holy Spirit to help me “hear” His voice, feel the nudges and to practice when its NOT life an death so that when it is, I will already have recognized His leading and acted accordingly.
Bless you for your tender heart, Floyd. . .
Floyd
Tuesday, February 28, 2012 @ 11:17 am
Thanks Nancy. To be honest, I’m not sure my heart is tender enough? With all the distractions in life it’s easy to just move on. I appreciate your heart and the heart of your husband. I know you guys really are on the look out. I’m working on it.
Voni
Tuesday, February 28, 2012 @ 8:44 am
Floyd, I just pray I learn to have a soft enough heart to hear those promptings of the Holy Spirit.
When she was little, I remember asking my daughter, “When do you obey?” And she would answer “Right away!” (Then she would do whatever I had asked that she was hesitate on.)
Just a couple thoughts that came to mind while reading your excellent blog.
Thanks!
Blessings,
Voni
Floyd
Tuesday, February 28, 2012 @ 11:19 am
Thanks Voni. I appreciate those personal insights. We need to be that way to the Father, your right. I think this is a great reminder. “When do you obey”? Excellent…
Audra Krell
Tuesday, February 28, 2012 @ 1:13 pm
Ah Floyd, I don’t even know what to write. This is a painful one for me…..just know I’m with you in spirit. It’s a blessing to have friends who are united in one purpose.
Floyd
Tuesday, February 28, 2012 @ 6:31 pm
Thanks Audra. We are united and thanks for your heart.
SethCaddell
Tuesday, February 28, 2012 @ 1:31 pm
Floyd, I’m so sorry man. I can’t imagine the pain. I’ll be praying for you and Zeke’s family.
Lisa notes
Tuesday, February 28, 2012 @ 2:36 pm
Oh wow. Such a sad story. So sorry about Zeke. Praying for his family and friends. And Johnny. Death is hard enough to deal with, but suicide makes it even harder.
Thanks for sharing this though. It should be a wake-up call to all of us to not take time for granted…
Floyd
Tuesday, February 28, 2012 @ 6:32 pm
Thanks Lisa. That’s exactly what I’m trying to use it for. And thanks for your prayers… they might bring about a miracle…