CLOSE TO THE VEST
“What’s wrong with you, man?” He asked with a touch of humor.
“High mileage!” I chuckled.
“Yeah – I hear ya’!” He said, laughing in agreement and a sort of empathy. It’s our heritage to laugh when things get tough. It’s the unspoken words – the things that aren’t said that really say it all. If someone were to eavesdrop on one of the conversations I have with my brothers, even though this day was on the phone, they wouldn’t have a clue about the reality and depth of the code language we speak… or don’t, rather.
I don’t think it’s a stretch here to say that many of us speak the secret code language, yet expect everyone to know what we really mean. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all bad to speak the code language or keep our cards close to the vest so to speak, at least to a point.
My hat’s off to the previous generations that were strong hearted and didn’t wear their hearts on their sleeves. They taught us to speak the secret code, but I think they might have pulled it off with more sincerity and a better perspective. They were disciplined in their communication for the benefit of others.
My brother asked in a joking manner, but the direct question started a code laden conversation that only he and I and some select people within our messed up world might be able to translate. Here’s the translated secret code language broken down. (translation in italics)
“What’s wrong with you, man?” (Are you going to be alright? – I’m worried about you!”)
“High mileage!” Chuckling… (I’m not sure, I have to have some tests, I’m apprehensive – I don’t know what they might find.)
“Yeah, I hear ya!” (Man, I’m older than you – I know exactly how you feel – I hope you and I both are alright.)
Not all people share the same belief that God is in control of all things. We know tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us, but if we are called to go, we’re ready. We jest in difficult times from our learning, habit, and heritage of being a man who God calls to be strong and dependent on Him… but there is a time for us to be more open and honest, not to leave others half guessing if they interpreted the code correctly.
I think it shows more confidence in God and our own security in Him when we share truth in vulnerability. The lost world jests in their insecurity and fear. They wear a facade to show the world that they’re strong. If they don’t know God that’s not strength, that’s foolishness.
We have hope, which means confidence in where we land on the other side. The lost world uses the word “hope” in a way that implies a “wish” or “wishing.” Wishes are for children and wishing wells… Leaves in the wind have more confidence… and hope…
“Call me tomorrow when you’re done.” My brother said. I knew he wanted to make sure I was alright. The next day I called him I was a bit more direct, I dropped the code language… “They were non-cancerous, but it runs in our family… and if you have them it’s only a matter of time until they become cancerous…. Bobby, you need to get checked. Okay?”
“Yeah, okay… I will…” He answered.
There’s a time to play our cards close to the vest… and then there are times when we need to lay em’ all out on the table…
bill (cycleguy)
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 2:36 am
I don’t play poker but nice hand. 🙂 Seems you and I are along the same track today Floyd. While you talk about code, I talk about authenticity. But with the correct people it is all about truth. BTW: glad you are okay (whenever this was).
Floyd
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 6:50 am
We are definitely on the same page today, Bill. Not by coincidence I’m sure. It is all about truth. Thanks, Bill.
Floyd
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 6:54 am
Oh, by the way, I don’t play poker either… I just liked the “close the vest” quote… I’m pathetic like that… but I guess you know that by now!
Jillie
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 4:39 am
Hi Floyd! First off, I must say that I’m SO GLAD you’re found to be well! It’s a scary business, going through certain tests, isn’t it? I had blood tests yesterday, and hope I pass–I didn’t study for them! :] Just a little humour here.
I understand the “secret code” between siblings, especially when I listen to my brothers talk to each other. Men sure aren’t like women in that respect–women just come right out with their fears and phobias to one another, whereas men seem to ‘mask’ their true feelings until something gets serious. Like in your case with your brother. What I hear underneath it all, is LOVE for each other. Caring. Concern. Sounds like you two ‘read’ each other well.
With my siblings, it’s this sarcastic, rather twisted sense of humour we all seem to have, especially when it comes to reminiscing about our growing-up years in our highly dis-functional home. We each hold to the belief that it’s better to laugh together about it, than cry. We have a real banter that goes on between us everytime we get together. We DO speak our own language, using “code” for much of what we say between us. Other people get a real laugh over our memories. But it does mask pain we went through. I have a wonderful brother, also named Bill, who will talk alone with me, and venture into the deep with me over stuff. I cherish his openness and the different way he saw things during those years. I love him to death! He’s had some health issues over the last couple of years, and I’ve been concerned for him. I’ve been trying to share Christ with him, bit by bit, and he IS listening. Admits he’s never thought deeply about faith, or death, or any of those serious issues. I’m praying he will begin to do that. We’re not getting any younger.
Floyd
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 6:58 am
That twisted sarcasm is truly a love language all unto itself. I’m praying for your brother, Bill. God is using your life and the love Bill has for you to share His truth. What a blessing our loved ones are and in the end, regardless of the sarcasm, it really is the love we share even with all of our differences. I’m also praying for you and your tests, Jillie. And you know by now, I appreciate good humor… even when it marched to the beat of a little different drum… Thanks, Jillie. I appreciate you sharing your family and heart.
Dan Erickson
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 5:16 am
Nice post, Floyd, and a reminder that it’s almost that time for me. I turn 50 this summer and I have to get more tests than usual. It’s always a little scary to feel vulnerable about life.
Floyd
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 7:00 am
It is, Dan. My how our priorities change… I think God uses these times to bring us into more wisdom. Thanks, Dan. Don’t put them off.
Jay Cookingham
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 8:56 am
Well, I have to HAND it to you bro’, once again you prove to me that you are indeed playing with a FULL DECK! Is that enough of a secret code dude? Glad the test were in your favor but I’m praying for you and your brother!
Floyd
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 5:03 pm
Thanks, Jay. I appreciate, and I know my brother appreciates your prayers. You are one of those people who know the code words spoken in our messed up circle! Now that you mention it, I guess I’ve been accused of not playing with a full deck more often than not… Maybe I should just be happy I’m sane enough to not do a cartoon strip titled, “Lambo And Chop”! Kind of miss those guys… Thanks again, Jay. I always enjoy a good chuckle…
Jason Stasyszen
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 11:19 am
Glad to hear things came back fine for you. Praise God! Vulnerability is not easy, but we know instinctively the most important things never are. We need to have it and I definitely appreciate your vulnerability with us, Floyd. Blessings to you.
Floyd
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 5:04 pm
Thanks, Jason. It’s not easy admitting that we’re not Superman… but there is some traction in the honesty… Besides that, I got tired of jumping over buildings in a single bound…
tcavey
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 11:30 am
I grew up in a home where everything was code…or to be more specific, everything was always “OKAY”, no matter how bad it really was. We didn’t talk. We just pulled up our boot strings and kept going.
This caused many problems the first few years in my marriage as I expected my spouse to understand this code language. After much prayer and going through the book, “The Art of Marriage, getting to the heart of God’s design” by Family Life Publishing, we have learned to communicate more effectively. It takes intentional effort on both our parts to speak and to listen.
Great post, so many of us have this problem…or maybe I just tell myself that so I don’t feel so bad about my lack of communication with those closest to me 🙂
Floyd
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 5:06 pm
No – You’re not alone, TC. Many of us have that same problem. Believing everyone else should somehow know what and how we feel and think. I’m the worst offender… but I’m coming around, slow but sure. Tough times tend to make us strong… it’s the soft that isn’t easy… Thanks, TC.
Lisa notes
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 11:31 am
My siblings and I have a code, too. Jeff and I even more so. 😉 It’s a nice shortcut at times. But not always reliable; it can be misinterpreted. ha. So yes, sometimes we need to be plain and simple with what we say.
Glad you’re alright. Sounds like a conversation I’ve had with my siblings, actually. And I’m currently awaiting test results back myself from a test. Been over two weeks. I’m assuming no news is good news, but still. Patience…
Floyd
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 5:12 pm
The waiting is the hardest part for sure. We too often rely on others being mind readers, don’t we? It takes paying attention to what really matters. Patience… my kryptonite… Thanks, Lisa. I’m praying for you, sister.
Kristin Taylor
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 1:01 pm
Such wisdom here! Thanks for laying this out there for us and linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee. And, yes, now I have Kenny Rogers’ song in my head … You gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away …
Floyd
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 5:14 pm
Too funny! I didn’t even think of that song. That’s so unlike me! I like how your mind works, Kristin! My pleasure and thanks for stopping by, and I guess for sticking that song in my head now!
Hazel Moon
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 5:25 pm
The tests we take are to rule out or to confirm. I am glad your’s rules out.
Some one asks us “how are you.” and we offer “fine.” If it is something wrong we need to add, pray for me.
Floyd
Thursday, May 2, 2013 @ 6:28 am
Yeah, I agree, Hazel. We rarely all say exactly what we mean all of the time out of manners and habit. It’s a remarkable thing… Thanks, Hazel.
Barb Raveling
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 5:39 pm
Glad the verdict was okay so far. I just had similar tests and also turned out okay. It’s nice to have people care about you, isn’t it? Sounds like you have a great brother.
Floyd
Thursday, May 2, 2013 @ 6:31 am
Glad to hear your tests came out fine as well. They make you think though. It is nice to have people that genuinely care and to genuinely care about others as well. I’m blessed to have a great family… even though we tend to speak in code language! Thanks, Barb.
jdukeslee
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 7:37 pm
All right. So this is how you guys work. I’ll have to send you the text of some conversations I have the fellows in my life, and we’ll see if you can translate. 😉
(
and hey. Glad you’re OK.)
Floyd
Thursday, May 2, 2013 @ 6:33 am
Yeah, that’s how we roll, Jennifer! My guess is that by now you’ve got that code all figured out… Practice makes perfect! Thanks, Jennifer.
jdukeslee
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @ 7:39 pm
Floyd … What’s your Twitter handle? Follow me at @dukeslee so I can follow you back and Tweet your story with the #tellhisstory hashtag.
Floyd
Thursday, May 2, 2013 @ 6:35 am
Okay, will do. As soon as I figure out how to get there! Thanks, Jennifer.
Mia
Thursday, May 2, 2013 @ 1:00 am
Dear Floyd I grew up with 4 brothers and a sister that is much younger than I am. Then I also raised two sons! Let me assure you thar I know so much about the lingo of men. For example:
Bro, are we up for Graveyards today. (a dangerous surfing spot)? Shot, man, check you at 10 bells. Sweeeeeet, china, but I dig some chau(food) first. Shot, bro, remember some ching for juice. Please ask your old lady for some extra chashees, I am running low.. The tank is running on puffs. …. The old lady is none other than me and I still don’t know how to say no.
Don’t you think I listened well when my guys chatted? I think I am quite cool myself!
Floyd
Thursday, May 2, 2013 @ 6:39 am
I’d say you’re cool too, Mia! I guess it must be part of the male make up? Funny how when things get serious the language code seems to disappear… Of course the surfers probably have their own special code… that you’ve apparently broke! I’m not great with the “no” thing either… when you get that one solved you’ll need to share it with all of us! Thanks, Mia. Good stuff!!!
David
Thursday, May 2, 2013 @ 12:58 pm
I’ve started over twice now on some sort of reply and can’t seem to get my brain and fingers on the same page. Translation: I can’t figure out what I’m trying to say or how to say it. So for now I’m gonna fold.
Anyway, great post Floyd, glad you’re okay.
Floyd
Thursday, May 2, 2013 @ 5:54 pm
You’re good, David! You’re obviously a veteran of the unspoken code… “fold”, good one! Thanks, David.
Lisa @ four simply living
Thursday, May 2, 2013 @ 1:48 pm
Your words as usual rock of the mighty pen. Only this time, for me, it was an acknowledgement that what I am doing on my blog is the right thing. I think you and I grew up close to the same generation, so I have struggled to talk fully on my blog. Thanks for this post, it was the nudge I needed to continue. And I am so thankful it was non-cancerous!!
Floyd
Thursday, May 2, 2013 @ 5:57 pm
Thanks, Lisa. We are definitely on the same page in many ways. You definitely need to continue, your words are profound and powerful, Lisa. They speak to inner most places of the heart.
Jennifer Dougan
Thursday, May 2, 2013 @ 5:47 pm
Floyd, I appreciated the translating and revealing look into brothers on the phone. Thanks for your story here, and the vulnerability.
Glad the lumps were non-cancerous… may you and your brother continue to have these open-card talks too. 🙂 What a cool thing.
Jennifer Dougan
http://www.jenniferdougan.com
Floyd
Thursday, May 2, 2013 @ 6:08 pm
We are definitely way more open and accepting of the reality of life these days. Part of getting older for sure. We’re all vulnerable, whether we know it or not. Thank you, Jennifer.
Jennifer Dougan
Thursday, May 2, 2013 @ 6:26 pm
Thanks, Floyd. It’s fun to see God using similar themes in our lives.
Jennifer
http://www.jenniferdougan.com
Floyd
Friday, May 3, 2013 @ 6:48 am
It is. Not a coincidence for sure. May we learn what He has for us. Thanks, Jennifer.
Mike
Friday, May 3, 2013 @ 1:25 pm
Glad you’re okay. I lost a brother a few years ago to cancer. He really never told any of us he was having problems nor would he go to a doctor until it was too late. You’re right in that we shouldn’t hold some things so close to the vest. We need to lean on each other.
Floyd
Friday, May 3, 2013 @ 4:11 pm
I’m sorry to hear that, Mike. That is sure proof and a tough reality. We do need to lean on one another, it’s a gift to the receiver and the giver. Thanks for sharing that part of your life, Mike. That pretty much drives the point home.
Chuck Allen
Friday, May 3, 2013 @ 7:20 pm
Excellent point – “There’s a time to play our cards close to the vest… and then there are times when we need to lay em’ all out on the table…”
I struggle with learning that balance. My wife says she has to pull information out of me at times.
And, glad to hear you got good results. 🙂
Floyd
Saturday, May 4, 2013 @ 2:10 pm
I think as men we’re all wired a little bit that way. I’m accused of the same thing… Guilty as charged I afraid. Thanks, Chuck. At least we’re not alone…
Joanne Norton
Friday, May 3, 2013 @ 8:30 pm
Can’t say much more than I understand and I agree. Been there, done that. AND God is BIGGER!! That’s all I can count on, forever and ever.
Floyd
Saturday, May 4, 2013 @ 2:23 pm
It just takes some of us longer to figure this out, Joanne! You’re one of the wise ones that got it early… God is bigger and true to bring us to the places where we need to be.
Dan Black
Wednesday, May 8, 2013 @ 4:34 pm
I relate with your last sentence a lot!!! When my son was first born our emotions where all over the place. Some people we spoke in “code” while others (Mostly close friends and family) we shared everything. The full extent of what was going on and our emotions/feelings. Good post!
Floyd
Wednesday, May 8, 2013 @ 5:11 pm
That is the time to lay it out. I know you did in prayer as well, Dan. I appreciate the fact that when you and I get to meet face to face, we lay our cards on the table…
Dan Black
Wednesday, May 8, 2013 @ 5:42 pm
Me too:)