CALIBRATING A PERSPECTIVE
“Brake, brake, Brake, BRake-BRAke-BRAKe-BRAKE-BRAKE!!!” I said, then moved on to implored, begged, screamed, demanded, and flat out yelled, and all in less than three seconds. My youngest who now has her drivers permit wasn’t stopping my truck with the same sense of urgency that I felt the scenario called for.
My right calf muscle was screaming from pushing against the invisible brake pedal on the passenger side of my truck.
“I am!” she countered defensively.
“Well not fast enough – You do exactly what I say, remember?” I countered in emotion.
Talk about faith… Sheesh. Putting my life, and even more importantly, my daughter’s life, in my belief that she’s ready and capable of navigating my big truck that to say “is hard to judge” is a ridiculous understatement, shows real faith in action and trust along with my answer to prayers.
It’s a stressful situation to say the least and I’m probably guilty of making it harder. I used to be better… I know that’s the typical declaration of someone who’s been stirring up dust on planet earth for more than four or five decades, but it’s usually true. Then it got me to calibrating a perspective…
It’s been ten years since I taught Kenz to drive and seven since I taught Ali. When I say I was better back then, it’s true, but it’s the why I was better that draws my mind to calculate and consider the change. Sure, I was obviously younger, but I’m not sure it’s a matter of just the sunrises and sunsets that make all the difference, it’s more the attitude and perspective at the time.
One early winter evening, before Kenz was old enough for her permit, (folks that hail from the south believe to be a good driver you gotta start way younger than the law allows) after cruising the desolate streets of a new custom subdivision south of our house, I had Kenz turn the opposite way of our routine route home.
This route took us out to the main city street where I surprised her with a “Turn right!” with a grin.
“I can’t!” she answered.
“Yes you can, you just listen to me – you’ll be fine,” I assured her.
We cut the night in my old truck, me smiling almost as much as her after she realized she was well qualified. *News Flash* Time has a way of changing folks and I’m no exception to the stubborn rule. Ten years ago I was old enough to be wise with the lives entrusted to me, but I was also ten years closer to the fearless and reckless kid of my youth.
If I can recognize the simple changes and attitude from when I taught my girls to drive, how do other changes affect my worldview now? More than I realize, I suspect. When we speak of days gone by and the changes of the current generation compared with ours, we might have a slightly skewed point of view.
Not to suggest that things haven’t changed and certainly not all for the best, but I think many of us tend to measure our lives and past actions by our standard and perspective of our life as it is now. Just something to contemplate when we lift the index finger to point and judge by standards we may not have been practicing when we were learning to crawl, ride a bike, drive a car or anything between then and now.
Doesn’t seem that long ago I watched the newest driver in the family take her first steps…
Hazel Moon
Sunday, April 13, 2014 @ 5:38 pm
If we knew then what we know now, we would have done a whole lot of things differently. Safety is natural the factor we reach for when trying to teach anyone something new. I had to laugh at you pressing the invisible brake on the passenger side. I can remember allowing my youngest to drive down our narrow street and pulling my shoulder and whole body away from the curb because I thought she was too close to the parked cars. Actually she was doing fine it was just me! Learning to trust that they have picked up on what we have been teaching is a whole different ball game at times. This post is too good not to find its way over to “Tell Me a Story” late Monday night at: http://letmetelluastory.blogspot.com/
Floyd
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 5:42 pm
I’m with you, Hazel! I too give it body English as I we drive along. I find myself pressing the invisible gas, the brake, and leaning the way I want her to turn! It all takes faith! Thanks, Hazel! I’m honored to share at your wonderful site!
Keith Walker
Sunday, April 13, 2014 @ 6:16 pm
Perspective is the lighthouse on the rocky shoal. It always looks different depending on where you are on the darkened sea. Your eloquent piece reminds us of that. Speaking of good writing, what an excellent way to describe age — “someone who’s been stirring up dust on planet earth for more then four or five decades.” Razor sharp! You . . . You . . . 🙂
Floyd
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 5:43 pm
Thanks, Keith. I’d say you just did a little of your own showing off! Always good to get your perspective and prose, my friend!
Bill (cycelguy)
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 2:39 am
I remember those days…both kinds. The one where I taught my girls to drive and the one where I pointed the finger. I am actually much more mellow now than i was then. Far less judgmental.
Floyd
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 5:44 pm
I know you are, Bill. You’re a great example for all of us and how we’re to live and interact. Thanks, Bill.
Dan Erickson
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 5:50 am
Now you’re scaring me. I’m going to have to do this in about six years. Yesterday we were working on the yard. I’m re-landscaping my front garden bed in a minimalist fashion. I let Annie help. We struggle with that. I want her to help, but she wants to help too much. She did something without my direction. Is that what it’ll be like teaching her to drive? I’m scared!
Floyd
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 5:46 pm
I don’t want to scare you, Dan… but you might want to check into anxiety medication before you teach Annie to drive!!! Just kidding. You’ll have a blast, even if it is a little stressful! Thanks, Dan.
Thomas Mason
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 6:07 am
I find myself these days thinking about life in a totally different way than I was back even a few years ago. Things that bothered me then, don’t now. Things that didn’t bother me then, matters now. It’s interesting that the longer we live the more our perspectives change.
Floyd
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 5:47 pm
I think they call that wisdom, Thomas! I’m with you, how much time and energy did we spend on things we shouldn’t have? I’m not sure we could count that high, brother. Thanks, Thomas.
June
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 6:37 am
I love how God uses simple, every day acts to turn a mirror on our heart and souls. It’s so important to take inventory before God. I find myself becoming more cynical of our world in general. Some might call that wisdom and discernment. I hope so. I’m also becoming more judgmental of {unrepentant, proud} Believers and more compassionate of unbelievers. The Mirror is helpful to me in finding the beam in my own eye. Have a blessed week, Floyd!
Floyd
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 5:49 pm
Wise words, sister. I’m finding what you are, June. I imagine the shoes the folks are walking in before I pass judgement on them, and I try to remember the mercy I need daily. Excellent point and comment. Thanks, June.
Barb Raveling
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 8:01 am
Ah, teaching kids how to drive. So fun! Your story reminded me of a conversation my husband had with our third child. She was an extremely cautious driver (for example, she screamed every time she had to cross the only busy street in our small town and she drove the backroads so she wouldn’t ever have to stop at a stoplight – which wasn’t that hard since our town only has about 7 of them) and really, not all that great of a driver.
One day she was joking about what a great driver she was (after she already had her license), but my husband didn’t catch the joke. He is an incredibly laid back person who rarely gives advice or critique, so it was even funnier when he called her into a room away from everyone else, sat her down, looked her in the eyes, and said, “Jenny, you are NOT a good driver!” We all still joke about his encouraging driving advice.
But you know, now that I’ve told that story, it seems like I might have already told it to you in another comment! I’m afraid I don’t have a very good memory, so I apologize if this is a repeat story!
Floyd
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 5:51 pm
You didn’t give all that juicy detail! That’s hilarious! Teaching our kids to drive are memories that we get to carry and cherish forever. Great gifts, like most of the best, you just have to think about it with the right perspective. Thanks, Barb. And thanks for sharing that story!
ceil
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 10:27 am
Hi Floyd! First of all, I love that image of ‘cut through the night.’ That is beautiful.
I think it’s great wisdom to remember that we just are not the same people year on year, or even day to day. Times and seasons change who we are, and affect perspective. I look back on some ‘epic fails’ as a Mom (they are epic in my mind anyway) and wonder how I could have been so dumb. Well, I guess youth and a more mature view now affect that.
I loved this post. It is a simple, truthful way to look back, and provides a saner way to look forward too. Nice!
Have a blessed Holy Week,
Ceil
Floyd
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 5:53 pm
You’re not alone, Ceil. The mistakes are numerous and leave me shaking my head. We are blessed to grow and gain wisdom as the years pass. It points to the wisdom and love of our Father. A blessed Holy Week to you and all of yours too, Ceil. Thanks.
Sharon
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 11:41 am
Oh, this brought back so many memories. Both of learning how to drive myself (with a stick shift and a very impatient dad!), and the teaching of each of my sons (one super-careful, one overly-confident!). And yes, the years have brought many changes!!
I pray that the Lord will continue to refine my perspective on life, so that I will think and talk and act like Him more and more.
Wishing you and your family a wonder-full Easter!
GOD BLESS!
Floyd
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 5:55 pm
You have a wonderful perspective, Sharon! We should all have the exact same goal as you in our lives. Well said, sister. And it is funny how different each of the kids are and how unique our Father made them… Wonderful memories… Thanks, Sharon, and a blessed Easter week to you too, sister.
Micah
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 3:51 pm
Those opening paragraphs made me laugh so much. Could just so picture it. The scary thing for me is being aware of there having been changes in my outlook and character over the years, but often having no way to really chart or put a finger on what those differences are. It’s sort of like growing as a kid, and how you needed aunts and uncles who saw you sometimes but not all the time to recognise the changes. The image of you teaching your daughter just brings it home though. I’m trying to think of similar scenarios for myself where I can recognise how I feel about doing something now versus how I used to feel about it. The only stuff that comes to mind is physical stuff though, like how much heavier I breathe when playing soccer these days compared to when I was 19 or 20 and could run all day and never wake up stiff or sore the day after. Man, I had no idea how fit I was. Like they say, youth is wasted on the young.
Floyd
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 5:57 pm
No argument there, Micah! Youth is indeed wasted on the young! Glad to give you a chuckle, and I’m sure with as sharp as your mind works you might actually come up with a way to measure! Send it my way when you do! Thanks, Micah. God bless you, my friend.
Lincoln Parks
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 4:45 pm
After reading the first few paragraphs Floyd, I said well my daughter is only eight I have a long way before I have to deal with this. Then I realized by the end of your Blog post that I really don’t. I realize that these days are shorter and shorter and I must see everything through that lens. Your such an awesome Dad, thanks for sharing your family with us.
Floyd
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 6:00 pm
Awe thanks, Lincoln. I’m not so sure about the good dad part, but the best thing I have to share after my Truth in Christ is my family. I’m honored to share them with you. Good to hear from you, Lincoln. Your a wise man, your family is being blessed by our Father through you, Lincoln.
Cynthia
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 4:51 pm
That was sooo funny! I can imagine your foot pressing on the imaginary brake! The older we become, the more precious we see life, in general. Our perspective on life and “being careful” definitelty changes. Smiles! We went through our last driving lessons 2 years ago and I am soooo glad. I only had to endure a few of the driving lessons with my sons, because my husband enjoyed teaching them. However, with the last child, he seemed to return from a driving lesson with a little more gray hair and frazzled nerves—smiles. As for perspective, overall, I’m more careful about my opinions, and letting them be known, compared to my younger adult years. I have actually realized that I’m not always right! I’ve learned not to take one day or moment for granted and I tend to stay on my knees praying…asking for guidance and a bunch of forgiveness…a lot more than when I was a young believer. You know, I don’t judge others as harshly and strictly as I once did, either. I think years of kids, trials, mistakes, growing faith and self-reflection will change your perspective about a lot of things in life. I enjoyed this post! Much joy to you and yours, Floyd~
Floyd
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 6:02 pm
Those are some seriously wise words, Cynthia. Boy, we live and learn, don’t we? You summarized our path perfectly! Our change in perspective is proof of Who resides within us! Blessing to you and your family this Easter week, Cynthia.
Hazel Moon
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 5:31 pm
Enjoyed this one. Thank you for sharing this at “tell Me a True Story.”
Floyd
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 6:03 pm
My pleasure and honor, I can assure you, Hazel! Thank you!
Shandra White Harris
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 7:33 pm
What a great story. Perspective and age …er maturity…changes every thing. Well done Dad and Daughter.
Floyd
Tuesday, April 15, 2014 @ 5:22 pm
Maturity… It’s been illusive when the years haven’t been. Thanks, Shandra. Good to hear from you, sister.
Chuck Allen
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 7:43 pm
I could just hear that first line being spoken/yelled. 🙂 My oldest is driving but I’ve still got two more to go. (One getting permit this summer.) I’m sure my perspective will be different by the time I reach the youngest – hopefully for the better.
Floyd
Tuesday, April 15, 2014 @ 5:22 pm
That’s the attitude, Chuck! I suppose if I was keeping an eye on it, it might not have snuck up on me the way it did!
Betty Draper
Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 8:03 pm
I had to laugh because my daughter, 37 was driving our car today and going a little too fast for our brakes. I felt like I had step back into yesterday when at 16 she first learned to drive. WE both had a good laugh which is different then it was at 16. I am sure if I had it to do over again I would have made the same mistakes and I am too old now to even try what I did back then. Thankful for a little wisdom that came from those yesterday. As always you drove a truth home with a little laughter to get our minds loosen up. Good one brother.
Floyd
Tuesday, April 15, 2014 @ 5:24 pm
Wisdom seldom comes the easy way, huh, Betty? But it does come, even if it drags us kicking and screaming. Blessings to you and your family, Betty. Thanks so much!
Jason Stasyszen
Tuesday, April 15, 2014 @ 7:43 am
I think you’re so right about this. I wish I could say I wasn’t guilty, but I am. Teaching high school kids now, I have to keep reminding myself that I wasn’t as responsible as I am today. I wasn’t even the same person really! They’re learning just like we did, and they need a lot of grace, just like we did. Great reminder here, Floyd. Thank you.
Floyd
Tuesday, April 15, 2014 @ 5:25 pm
Oh man, good call, Jason! “They need a lot of grace, just like we did!” So true. How we react can make such a difference to them. Sometimes the toughest memories turn out to be the sweetest. Thanks, Jason.
tcavey
Tuesday, April 15, 2014 @ 7:55 am
Deep.
I’ve been reflecting over my past 10 years. I can see how I’ve grown and yet there is so far to go.
One thing I am learning is not to judge my path by another and not to hold them to the same pace as me. We each go at different paces and have different things to learn.
I thought of back when I was around 14 and I drove my dad’s truck into a 4 foot ravine. Talk about a learning experience! (I was allowed to drive around our 100 acres of land). Good place to learn.
Floyd
Tuesday, April 15, 2014 @ 5:27 pm
Leave it to you, TC! I did destroy the front end of my brother’s Mustang when I was around ten… he wanted me to drive! Not so much after that… I’m with you on how we hold ourselves and others to different standards as our Father bestowed His wisdom upon us… Thanks, TC.
Caleb Suko
Tuesday, April 15, 2014 @ 8:09 pm
I remember when I was about 14 and my uncle taught be how to drive wheat truck on the farm during harvest. You have to use the gears to slow down those old trucks when they’re loaded with wheat and for some reason I just couldn’t get the gears to mesh as I was coming up to a turn. He had about the same reaction you had as we barreled towards the turns with 40,000 lbs of wheat! Some how I got the truck to slow down just enough and we made it, only a little wheat spilled over the top.
Now I’m teaching my oldest two how to back the car out and I’m sitting in the passenger seat!
Floyd
Wednesday, April 16, 2014 @ 5:47 pm
Now you know how your uncle felt! Yeah, that double clutchin’ can be a bit tricky. We’re making memories, brother!
child of God
Wednesday, April 16, 2014 @ 6:23 pm
Lol! Yes the perspective does change as we grow older.
Teaching my daughter to drive is a breeze, (sort of) but I must say I am very nervous of thinking about the day my son get his learners. :s Already he flies around the farm in the duly F350 AND he blew the trani on the beater farm truck. I guess I will just have to spend time in prayer and also remembering the days when I was reckless and carefree.
Blessings,
Floyd
Thursday, April 17, 2014 @ 4:23 pm
That’s great! What a wonderful way to grow up! You’ve been blessed! That sounds a little like the childhood I had, and man was it fun! Looks like you’re gonna spending some time on your knees! Thanks, sister. Blessings to you and yours this Easter celebration of Life!
nancy Kehr
Wednesday, April 16, 2014 @ 7:24 pm
Your story brought back so many memories of both Randy and I yelling “Brake, brake, brake, at various children” I resolved NEVER to take any child for s driving lesson after dinner because my stomach was usually in knots afterward.
Sure, they all thought they knew HOW to drive, but putting it into action without having to think was not yet ingrained.
There’s a word, Sophomore” which in a sense indicates a combination of acquired skill or wisdom with foolishness. I’ve noticed that kids who are at the sophomore stage are all enthusiastic and eager. Sure they knew how to drive, but translating that head inowledge into action too a bit of practice.
From a sophomore’s perspective, they can’t understand why we take things so seriously. From ours, we see their lack of developed sensitivity, and actual skill. There isn’t anything they think they can’t tackle, and to them, with out sense of caution, we may be party-poopers!
Remember when you could stay up all night? Then along came work , higher education or family. Suddenly it seemed unthinkable. So glad our Father is patient with us and that we can chage from glory to glory! We don’t have to stay “stuck on stupid” LOL!
Floyd
Thursday, April 17, 2014 @ 4:30 pm
Ummmmm… Yeah, I mean… Right! Well, er, uh… I’m not stuck on stupid! That was me trying to convince myself! That is too funny, and better yet, true! You’ve been down this road, you know the stresses! Worth the memories, and what a blessing they are. Thanks for the laugh, Nancy! I’ll have to remember that one; “Stuck on stupid”… I love it!
nancy Kehr
Wednesday, April 16, 2014 @ 7:26 pm
P.S. Sorry for typos! Injured my hand the other day and it doesn’t want to cooperate! You will get the gist of my thoughts, I’m sure.
Floyd
Thursday, April 17, 2014 @ 4:31 pm
Oh man, you’re gonna make me feel even worse? I didn’t even see any! Hope your hand heals… as well as my mind…!
Dan Black
Wednesday, April 16, 2014 @ 10:58 pm
Time really does go fast. When I was in Jr. high and high School I wanted to be an “adult” (and it seemed like it was not coming fast enough) but looking back I wish I had slowed down a little to enjoy that season, now I have to pay bills, work, and take care of my family. Those are not bad things but they can bring pressure, in my current season of life I make sure to slow down because I don’t want to regret not spending time with my son when I’m older and he is out of the house.
Floyd
Thursday, April 17, 2014 @ 4:38 pm
I traveled the same road, Dan. And I agree with you completely. The time each day is special and we need to take advantage of the gifts we get… they pass so quickly. Thanks, brother.
Dan Black
Friday, April 18, 2014 @ 12:54 pm
Glad to comment. It’s good to know I’m not the only one:)
Floyd
Friday, April 18, 2014 @ 6:39 pm
You’re not, and your insight helps me to focus on my own. Thanks, Dan.
Joanne Norton
Saturday, April 19, 2014 @ 5:12 pm
You just grabbed me and I sure knew ME! I was NOT a good parent to teach my kids to drive. My daughter began OK, but a friend took over. AND I had pressure on my legs when I was pushing at the “brake” on the passenger side when I was intense. As usual, you did a good way of sharing the combination of how it came together physically, family-ly, and spiritually. Good sharing, as usual. [AND I would love to read more of your things on time, but prepping to fly out to the NW is keeping me so busy around the house, etc., that I can’t follow through as well. I’ll try. Maybe out there.] Thank you so much for your encouragement to me, dear brother.
Floyd
Monday, April 21, 2014 @ 6:15 pm
And thanks for your encouragement too, Joanne. You’re a busy one and your at your best when you’re on the move. Be safe, have fun, and take lots of pictures! And thanks for sharing, I don’t feel so bad bending the metal of the floorboard now!
Betty Jo
Tuesday, April 22, 2014 @ 6:47 am
Oh gosh! Those first couple of paragraphs have me in giggles! Wonderful post Brother and so glad you all survived!! LOL
Floyd
Tuesday, April 22, 2014 @ 5:57 pm
We’re not out of the woods yet! Kidding. She’s doing good. Glad to make you laugh, Betty Jo… It’s not so easy to laugh at the time! Thanks, sister. I value your wonderful personality.