A JERK
repost from 2010
As I get older I learn more about myself. For example, I’m discovering one of the reasons I enjoy writing is that I can temper my words, even when I’m excited.
It’s different for me when I’m in a conversation. Words can come out of my mouth long before I understand the impact of them. Some might consider a person with actions like that a jerk. Yes, sometimes I’m a jerk.
It’s taken me longer than it should have to realize that, but how many jerks really know they’re jerks? I’m not a jerk all the time. I’m a pretty good guy when I’m asleep!
A couple days ago while at the gym I was having an ongoing discussion/debate over some Christian doctrinal issues. You know the ones, there are about five really divisive issues for us Christians.
This probably isn’t the biggest divider and I’ll remain vague to avoid an on-line argument.
My friend Tim and I were lobbing Christian shots at each other that were dripping with sarcasm. (which us jerks really enjoy) – (Oh, and for the record Tim is a jerk too!) There was a friend of Tim’s that he goes to church with close by. Tim drew him into the crossfire.
Tim’s friend was caught off guard. Tim posed the question of our debate to him without preparing him mentally for our “rough around the edges” style.
His friend, a mild-mannered guy, started to quote some scripture to enlighten us on the subject we’ve been debating for years. In fairness to Tim’s friend, neither Tim nor myself look like the studious type. He continued to speak as if talking with a couple of ignoramuses.
The verses he quoted to us didn’t have much bearing on the subject in question. Being mere mortal, my tongue could take only so much pain from the teeth piercing it. I let go… Not in anger, but not in God either. Human emotion overtaking my self-control.
I’m very proud of the studying I’ve done on this particular subject. I’ve read books, done Bible studies, spent countless hours with my Hebrew and Greek concordance. My reaction was more that proud, it was pride. You know, the thing that cometh before a fall?
I made my points and my competitors countered with arguments that were also in human emotion. You know the ones, “Well my preacher says…”! The conversation’s well out of hand at this point and a wise man of God would honor Him and walk away. Not me, no sir. At this point I’m rolling, I’ve got the enemy on the run. I have my foes against the ropes.
There is no sign of wisdom, only folly. I continued to disrespect God’s word by using it against, instead of for His beloved.
They soon both retreated and headed for the door. In truth, I love to talk about God’s word. What else matters more than that?
That night as I prayed God laid on my heart the reality of my actions. “God please forgive me for being such a jerk.” I didn’t bring God honor, I was trying to honor myself. I got railroaded by my flesh.
If to be a “Christian” is “Christ-like” or followers of Christ, what was I? Who was I following?
Saying sorry will help ease my conscience, but probably won’t get me another in-depth conversation with this solid man and fellow believer.
I gotta be honest with you though… In my heart, I still really don’t want to wash this guy’s feet…
bill (cycleguy)
Wednesday, April 4, 2012 @ 2:02 am
Been there done that. I have this problem-the Peter problem- I have a foot-shaped mouth. I know I can’t, but would love to be able to take back all the non-incidental arguments I had over stupid stuff that won’t amount to a hill of beans in the end. One last question: did you call?
Floyd
Wednesday, April 4, 2012 @ 10:52 am
Too funny!!! I thought I was the only one who answered to that name! Thanks for making me feel a little better about myself Bill!
TC Avey
Wednesday, April 4, 2012 @ 5:02 am
Yep, I can relate…all too well.
Over the years God has been showing me how big a Jerk I have been and sometimes continue to be. I’m a work in progress, thankfully God hasn’t given up on me or any of us.
Floyd
Wednesday, April 4, 2012 @ 10:53 am
I hear you TC, we’re all in the same boat… It’s just getting low in the water! Good call, thanks.
Jay Cookingham
Wednesday, April 4, 2012 @ 9:59 am
I just to call it “holy arrogance” but really it’s not different than being a jerk. Thanks for the honesty bro’ and the reminder.
Floyd
Wednesday, April 4, 2012 @ 10:54 am
I think “Holy arrogance” sounds better! We all need the reminder I guess. Thanks Jay.
Jason Stasyszen
Wednesday, April 4, 2012 @ 11:46 am
Well, I’m happy to say you’ve never been a jerk to me at your place or mine (and hopefully I haven’t been one to you as we all have those tendencies). Sometimes it’s not time to have a certain conversation even if we start with hearts in the right place, and like you said, wisdom tells us to walk away. Honestly, I hate backing down! But sometimes love demands it, and the world will know we are Christians by our love. Thanks Floyd.
PS I would really love to meet you in ‘real life’ and hopefully neither of us will be in jerky moods. 🙂
Floyd
Wednesday, April 4, 2012 @ 2:37 pm
Haaa! I hear Jason. I too would love to meet you in person, it would be an honor. I know the feeling about not wanting to back down as well. I’m getting better than I used to be though. Thanks for all your support and thoughts.
Lanny Wegleitner
Wednesday, April 4, 2012 @ 11:46 am
Floyd,
You tread water in a pool with a lot of us men type. It is good that some of us have the ability to look back and laugh at ourself and learn from our past fatuous behavoir. Looking back through all the old times, I never thought of you as a jerk for the record. I do have a lot of good laughs looking back.
Floyd
Wednesday, April 4, 2012 @ 2:40 pm
Thank you my old friend. It could be that you and I don’t see the shortcomings of our past because we were like to peas in a pod! I do look back and laugh… I also wonder how we ever survived… then I realize it was, “By The Grace Of God.”
Hazel Moon
Wednesday, April 4, 2012 @ 9:49 pm
Good post and so true of many of us.
You are not the only one who wants to win an argument, and might say some things later to be repented of. Women can be guilty of speaking out of turn also, myself included.
Floyd
Thursday, April 5, 2012 @ 5:24 pm
I appreciate your openness Hazel. We’re all not so different are we?… Repent is the key word there. Thanks Hazel.
Nancy
Thursday, April 5, 2012 @ 11:40 pm
My daily confession is “Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart, be acceptable in Thy sight…” Why, because the Bible says no man can tame the tongue ( only the Holy Spirit), therefore I KNOW I need help!
It IS hard to let go of a point, at times, especially when the person you are trying to speak with, has closed ears and is dead-set against hearing you out. I have tried in earnest to have a conversation with certain ones, but their attitude compelled me to overcompensate…Ha ha! Yeah, I’m sure I’ve had my “Jerkette” moments too. There is a saying that everything that we say must be the truth, but not everything that is true must be said. I think Jason is right-on about timing also!
Floyd
Friday, April 6, 2012 @ 7:36 am
What a great prayer. What a great idea! Couldn’t we all use that prayer. (not a question, a fact). We all have our down time of frustration, the weakness of the flesh is so often manifested through our mouth. I think I need to write that saying down, “Not everything that is true must be said.” What a great reminder for all of us, especially those of us who struggle to keep our trap shut! Thanks Nancy!
Dan Black
Saturday, April 7, 2012 @ 2:02 pm
What and who we say things have a huge impact. I some time speak before thinking and wish I could take back the words I had spoken, it causes me to be careful in what/how I say something. So mt words reflect His image and not my own.
Great reminder and post.
Floyd
Saturday, April 7, 2012 @ 7:06 pm
Thanks Dan. Yeah, I need a constant reminder, which is a whole lot easier than the burn of regret.
Dan Black
Monday, April 9, 2012 @ 10:13 am
And some times the burn of regret is my reminder.
Floyd
Monday, April 9, 2012 @ 6:18 pm
I think that’s the case for many of us! Thanks Dan.