A DESERT RAT
The icy winds seem to whip through the clear desert air much colder than the thermometer claims. It’s rare, but when the desert winds blow, no amount or style of clothing can keep the fierce gusts from reaching through the clothes and skin – ripping into the soul of a desert rat.
I remember trudging through the desert, leaning forward into the almost constant gale forces, walking “as the crow flies, ” to shorten my alone time with the punishing wind. My long shadow of winter worked as my entertainment as I pushed slowly forward. I loathed the exaggerated physical attributes from the long shadows, but was too captivated, bored, and self-centered to glance away.
I hated being skinny… but the mighty and low flying sun, along with the freezing cold teased me without a glimmer of mercy. The in-fashion-at-the-time bell bottom pants blew behind me, whipping in the wind like rugged flags pulling tight against my shins that exposed the skinny flagpole like calves that popped up and down like pistons in the days of the long shadows.
Even a turned up collar being held with one hand to keep as tight as possible to block the wind that poured in like being submerged in water, wasn’t enough girth to hide the thin neck that resembled a human giraffe to a self-conscious junior high school kid. Humans always seem to want what they don’t have…
My only saving grace was my shirt tails whipping in the long shadows. It hadn’t been too many years previous to that time that I had to tuck my shirts in. It was one of the rules… and kids love to break rules… Years after I spent a significant amount of time trying not to be skinny, tucking in shirts and wearing ties, trying to look cool, wearing my hair the way I thought would create the best image, trying to change that image seared into my mind by the cold and calculated desert winds along with the seasons of the long shadows from days of my youth.
The physical laws of this cosmos are given by God. The winds blow seeds – The rain waters the soil and the sun brings forth life. The elements have their way. They have the power from God to give life and with time they wear down and take life and the time in between is filled with stages of our lives. The wind and long shadows God uses to reveal the human condition. We are self-centered and fallen.
I’ve outgrown some of those childlike ways. I know in my heart that people don’t care nearly as much about what I look like as much as what they look like, but I’m not completely immune even still… The cold February wind blew – reminiscent of the extra cold desert winters from decades fading that I trudged through as a kid.
Those lonely and cold desert winds exposed the pride and insecurity of another human walking the earth. This season of the long shadows mixed with the cold wind revealed the same boy… Still too much pride and insecurity, but not as much as days gone by. I spend time now longing to look more like I did then… Humans always seem to want what they don’t have…
The fads are behind me now. The wind once again blows the untucked shirt tail… The season of the long shadows and vicious winds are a little more flattering than they used to be…
Although they still reveal the pride and insecurity of a fallen man…
Nancy
Tuesday, March 26, 2013 @ 6:44 pm
Funny…Randy and I always take pix of us in “shadow” . It’s rather amusing to see the long-shadow interpretations of “us”! I remember those crazy mirrors in the carnival….the not-so-flattering images were bothersome. So glad for maturity ….and for the Love of The Father which keeps my heart in check.
Floyd
Wednesday, March 27, 2013 @ 7:04 am
It is amusing to see the shadows, but not so much as the youngest in a hurry to grow up… like I said, “Humans always seem to want what they don’t have.” The maturity brings peace and joy… regardless of what that shadow looks like. Thank, Nancy.
Jay Cookingham
Tuesday, March 26, 2013 @ 6:54 pm
The answer my friend…is blowing in the wind…I guess you and Bobby have a lot in common!
Floyd
Wednesday, March 27, 2013 @ 7:05 am
Leave it to you, Jay! Except that he doesn’t think he’s a fallen man… You know, I think I sense another “windy” episode coming for Lambo and Chop! Thanks, Jay.
Donna
Tuesday, March 26, 2013 @ 7:09 pm
We are all fallen in our insecurity. It is funny how we wish to be as we were long ago and we weren’t happy with ourselves then either. Blessings to you.
Floyd
Wednesday, March 27, 2013 @ 7:06 am
Exactly! Summed up quite well, Donna. This flesh is hard to please for any length of time. Thanks. And blessings to you as well, Donna.
bill (cycleguy)
Wednesday, March 27, 2013 @ 2:39 am
I always thought it funny, not ha-ha funny, how the shadow exaggerated “the look” but always brought out the fact that I was tall, skinny and somewhat bow-legged. No amount of less shadow could hide those facts. Years later, while reality says I have filled out even though still tall and somewhat bow-legged, the insecurity is still there at times. So is the desire to be someone else.
Floyd
Wednesday, March 27, 2013 @ 7:09 am
I’m with you, Bill. The insecurities we’re born with hang with us. I think it’s God reminding us that perfection isn’t in these soul cages. Thanks for not making me feel like I’m left out here blowing in the wind by myself! (pun intended), Well said. Thanks, Bill.
Loren Pinilis
Wednesday, March 27, 2013 @ 5:55 am
It’s so funny to me the things that we get self-conscious about. It seems to affect everyone. I saw a documentary once about a fit bodybuilder type who was getting calf implants. I can’t imagine being to the point where the size of your calves matters that much to you. But then I have the things I know I’m self-conscious about.
Floyd
Wednesday, March 27, 2013 @ 7:11 am
It is peculiar how we all have our quirks about our imperfections. We have to remind ourselves that God made us exactly the way He wanted for His good will and reasons. Kinda changes our perspectives. Thanks, Loren.
Jason Stasyszen
Wednesday, March 27, 2013 @ 10:20 am
I wonder why God made our brain chemistry and state of development like that–teens think the whole world is looking at them. We all share that stage. Most of the time nothing is further from the truth, but it’s there. I guess the sadder thing is that so many never really outgrow it. What a bondage that is! We all have our bouts with insecurities, but I’m so thankful I can trust in His love and grace! Thanks Floyd.
Floyd
Wednesday, March 27, 2013 @ 11:28 am
I think insecurities are part of this fallen flesh. It is a lifelong struggle against it. It does get easier as we get older, but it’s still weak, still struggling. If not for struggling and comprehending that struggle we might never reach out to the One that can turn that struggle into peace and joy. Well said, thanks, Jason.
tcavey
Wednesday, March 27, 2013 @ 11:43 am
Pride and insecurity…yeah, I have far too much of that. Less than before, but still too much.
Floyd
Wednesday, March 27, 2013 @ 4:49 pm
I’m beginning to wonder if our fingerprints might actually be identical? I think yes! I hear you, TC. But we are getting better… some of us are just slow starters!
Betty Draper
Wednesday, March 27, 2013 @ 12:21 pm
I wish my shadow was skinny and not shaped like an apple. How right you are though, no matter our shadow size the insecurities weight the same. Good post brother. Blessings
Floyd
Wednesday, March 27, 2013 @ 4:52 pm
Thanks, Betty. It doesn’t matter what we have, we always seem to want something else. I know we’re all getting better, but this isn’t the Garden of Eden, we’re still fallen. It’s nice to share our shortcomings with those brothers and sisters in Christ that aren’t pointing fingers and judging. What a wonderful place this is. Thanks for adding to it, Betty.
Hazel Moon
Wednesday, March 27, 2013 @ 6:19 pm
I just read an article in Guideposts, about Norman Vincent Peale. Apparently even though he was famous for his book, “The Power of Positive Thinking,” and his many sermons that would lift the hearers high in spirit, he often had a bout with insecurity. Perhaps his wife would read to him from his own book, or scriptures, but it was a struggle. In Jr and High school, I do remember the hair styles wore by many of the boys at school. At least they did comb their hair and looked nice.
My own straight hair, went up in pin curls every night, so I would have curls the next day. I enjoyed your windy post and could feel that chilly gust of wind trying to get down to skin.
Floyd
Thursday, March 28, 2013 @ 9:40 am
We’re all so alike really, don’t you think? It helps to share and hear others perspectives and struggles. None of us are perfect and struggle in some kind of way in this flesh. Our peace and joy and security come from Above… Thanks, Hazel. Your description made me think of the cover of your book. Funny how we’re older, wiser, but still the children we always have been…
Voni Harris
Wednesday, March 27, 2013 @ 9:59 pm
Yes, and the fishbowl life our teens lead through social media exacerbates it. I pray for eyes to see myself and those around me with God’s eyes of love.
I pray the same for my teen, and her friends.
Blessings,
Voni
Floyd
Thursday, March 28, 2013 @ 9:47 am
I’m with you and share that same prayer for my teen and older girls and the girls I coached along with my family. To see things the way our Father does changes everything and brings a peace that only He can offer in this fallen flesh. Thanks, Voni.
Ngina Otiende
Thursday, March 28, 2013 @ 2:25 pm
“Humans always seem to want what they don’t have…” Great truth there Floyd. Right now am processing some “what i have” truths and letting go of some “birds in the bush” ideas 🙂 Great reminder for me today, thanks.
Floyd
Thursday, March 28, 2013 @ 3:12 pm
Thanks, Ngina. We all need a reminder I think. To be satisfied is a gift all unto itself and only comes from Above. I’ve chased too many “birds in the bush,” I know how tiring and unfulfilling it can be. Good for you for seeking wisdom first. It’s inspiring.
Mike
Thursday, March 28, 2013 @ 3:02 pm
My insecurity is in a shadow that is too wide; when I wish I for a skinny shadow. I don’t know if we ever totally overcome our vanity.
Floyd
Thursday, March 28, 2013 @ 3:14 pm
I hear you, Mike. As much progress as we make we still are strolling through this life in a fallen soul cage and which houses our minds. It is a constant strain, but in that strain is where we find peace and joy… Maybe we’re not straining enough? Thanks, Mike. You’re not alone…